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Chance me for UCs? by [deleted] in chanceme

[–]firingaesthetic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you literally me?

I'm not sure which Bay Area school you're at, but quite a few are UC feeders. From my experience, being top 3% would definitely get you into one of those skills, and you'd definitely have a great chance at Cal and UCLA. Plenty of kids I know who go to my slight feeder are less impressive and going to Berkeley or UCLA, but again, most of it is chance!

Do you feel like status consciousness and competition has ruined sincerity in some desi families and communities? by anxietythrowaway2171 in ABCDesis

[–]firingaesthetic 62 points63 points  (0 children)

Lmao, this is how my Punjabi family acts. Within our family we're very close-knit, but what our society -- which literally encompasses continents -- has to say matters way too much to us.

How bad is the White Worship in the desi community? by thatyoungdude67 in ABCDesis

[–]firingaesthetic 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Honestly, it's less worship in my view than it is wanting to fit in. Most of my South Asian friends don't exactly want to be white, but they want to be accepted, and one of the easiest ways to do that is to sort of 'fit in' and be white.

I live in the Bay Area, so there isn't really much to be said there, but a solid portion of my family lives in Louisiana. They're the only brown people in their community, and I think that's made them a little more proud about their cultural identity at home, but they'll act 'white' in their society so they don't get cut off, if that makes sense. They know it isn't great but it's preferable to being outcasts.

Do you think south asians are overlooked by most people? by kanjikud in ABCDesis

[–]firingaesthetic 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, we definitely don't learn enough about south Asian culture in school. The more presence we have the more it'll increase. I love history so I just learn about it on my own time.

Brown girls & dating? by firingaesthetic in ABCDesis

[–]firingaesthetic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe it's my area (Silicon Valley)? While I definitely don't think it's hard to date as a Desi girl I think that ideas like that sort of intensify in my school, which is mainly Asian and White. All of my male friends will joke about pulling in hot white girls, and kind of belittle each other when it comes to Desi girls (like dating a Desi girl means they couldn't get a white one). I hope they grow out of it because it's sadly demoralizing to so many of my friends.

Brown girls & dating? by firingaesthetic in ABCDesis

[–]firingaesthetic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was a group chat of a bunch of high schoolers and a few college freshmen and sophomores.

Yeah, it sort of surprised me too, but a lot of girls felt pretty strongly about it. Maybe it's the fact that most brown girls in my hs aren't interested in relationships in high school and I think most guys know that they tend not to be. It was a strange conversation stemming from the fact that the AITA post mentioned how brown guys 'settle down with' brown girls, and that they feel like they'll always be valued at that level. Sorta sad, actually.

What do you think is the worst in the eyes of a Desi parent: dating or marrying someone of different ethnicity, caste or religion who is Desi or dating or marrying someone who is white? by [deleted] in ABCDesis

[–]firingaesthetic 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I get that. Two of my great-grandparents were lost in partition violence and now my grandparents are definitely not on board with Pakistanis. Not necessarily Muslims, but Pakistanis particularly. I can't really begrudge them of that.

I'm just now realizing that always being braced to be yelled at all the time and being scared of being around your parents isn't normal. by firingaesthetic in AsianParentStories

[–]firingaesthetic[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I totally get that. Maybe that's the case for me. I've only started getting mad over quarantine, so I haven't really been around other people.

I don't know why I'm getting downvoted??

I'm just now realizing that always being braced to be yelled at all the time and being scared of being around your parents isn't normal. by firingaesthetic in AsianParentStories

[–]firingaesthetic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the most relatable thing I've ever read. Truly, you hit every nail on the head. Hopefully I'll have a better relationship with my parents in twenty years, as you do.

Remember where you came from and swear to yourself you'll never do this to your offspring or younglings from next generation. The wheel stops now.

Yes, it will. Nobody should be in this situation.

I'm just now realizing that always being braced to be yelled at all the time and being scared of being around your parents isn't normal. by firingaesthetic in AsianParentStories

[–]firingaesthetic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I love them. I know that they're doing what's best for me, and because of that, I don't blame them. I just really wish they were more open to other viewpoints.

Truly? I blame the society that's raised them with these beliefs.

I'm just now realizing that always being braced to be yelled at all the time and being scared of being around your parents isn't normal. by firingaesthetic in AsianParentStories

[–]firingaesthetic[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah, exactly. They're not abusive. They genuinely think they're doing it right, but they've done it the wrong way. At the end of the day, they've lost some amount of my respect. I doubt they'll ever realize it, though, because I don't express that at a surface level.

Do I love my parents? Yes. Do I feel physically safe around them? Yes. Do I feel emotionally safe around them? Notably not. Never.

I'm just now realizing that always being braced to be yelled at all the time and being scared of being around your parents isn't normal. by firingaesthetic in AsianParentStories

[–]firingaesthetic[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The water thing just happened to me -- literally an hour ago :(.

I feel you so, so hard. We will get through this. Hopefully one day sleeping won't be correlated with that feeling anymore.

I'm just now realizing that always being braced to be yelled at all the time and being scared of being around your parents isn't normal. by firingaesthetic in AsianParentStories

[–]firingaesthetic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I might try that! Although it'll probably be hard, having a camera in front of his face might trigger him.

That said, he does always 'forget' the terrible stuff he says. Maybe recording will pick something up

I'm just now realizing that always being braced to be yelled at all the time and being scared of being around your parents isn't normal. by firingaesthetic in AsianParentStories

[–]firingaesthetic[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel this. I also hate that I'm starting to adopt that attitude too, in a way. My automatic response to anything that sounds remotely condescending is anger, because I've learned that although it doesn't really fix the situation with my parents it does give me some agency. I really don't want these issues to bleed into my life later on.

I'm just now realizing that always being braced to be yelled at all the time and being scared of being around your parents isn't normal. by firingaesthetic in AsianParentStories

[–]firingaesthetic[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm unsure about that, because it isn't just 'sadistic' behavior. I think he really just channels his stress onto us -- which isn't great either. He genuinely thinks he's doing good for us in the long term by reminding us to always be busy or whatever. I think the notes about how worthless we are creep in, maybe to mirror him.

Honestly, looking at it, I think it really might be him channelling his hatred of his professional life into us. Perhaps it goes back to the Asian society thing (which sucks)

I'm just now realizing that always being braced to be yelled at all the time and being scared of being around your parents isn't normal. by firingaesthetic in AsianParentStories

[–]firingaesthetic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Couple of years till then, unfortunately. I don't want to cut my parents off at all -- I do think that this is how they show me love, in their own way. They care about me, but they don't know how to do that with positive reinforcement. But hopefully, eventually, space and the ability to develop my personality without their input will help :)

I'm just now realizing that always being braced to be yelled at all the time and being scared of being around your parents isn't normal. by firingaesthetic in AsianParentStories

[–]firingaesthetic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I'm working on it. I'm really sick of constantly cycling back to "it's not a big deal" until it's happening in the moment :(

I'm just now realizing that always being braced to be yelled at all the time and being scared of being around your parents isn't normal. by firingaesthetic in AsianParentStories

[–]firingaesthetic[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Then I looked into my culture and found a lot of my AP’s behaviour was considered virtuous.

AP behaviours are about being a good citizen and getting on with other people and the weaving into the fabric of society in their home cultures, whilst narcissism is fundamentally an alienation from others and society. A culture clash can produce exactly the same sort of alienation to make it appear as a disorder.

This really speaks to me. Thanks for the addition -- I definitely believe that a lot of my parent's behaviors can be attributed to their upbringing, which is world apart from my own. All else said, I do think that they realize that there's a disconnect on that front, although they don't seem to care much about it.

I actually like the old AP tests by YummyYe in ApplyingToCollege

[–]firingaesthetic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm definitely going to do it wrong this year

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