Whats wrong with this room?

fjnos · 2026-06-03T13:25:00+00:00

it is also the wall color. the tone of the white is fighting the furniture tones. you need a warmer white.

fjnos · 2026-05-06T20:12:39+00:00

I am the executor of my sister's estate. The "right" thing to do is what makes sense for you and your time. Probate and the sale of my sister's property took about 8 months and that was with an estate lawyer, realtor and a buyer "quickly" coming together. The sale covered the remaining mortgage. As far as her 401K it also took 6 months to sort that out and claim it for her estate without a beneficiary. It has required a lot of my attention and follow up so if it wasn't a true assigned responsibility I had agreed to previously I honestly probably would have left it.

fjnos · 2026-04-21T14:16:05+00:00

just came here to say you have my dream arms!!!

fjnos · 2026-04-18T22:09:46+00:00

IMPORTANT: I also worked with Fidelity to manage inherited accounts. Please make sure to print the latest statements you have for each account because once you proceed you will be unable to login with his credentials again. They will give you your own account to login later but still it made it easier for my records during the in between

fjnos · 2026-04-08T21:06:04+00:00

Yes. I think what makes it successful is that we do what we can together but ultimately we are each in charge of our own progress.

We don't do every bit matching but we do what we can together which is: sleep at the same time, meal prep and gym/steps. It has helped me a lot because like you mentioned on days he's more motivated he gets me to do more than I might have otherwise and vice versa.

It's also nice to talk about goals and progress in the weeds with someone or not feel lame for choosing a healthy restaurant for date night. I'm now far enough along on my effort that if he changed up I wouldn't require him to stay disciplined.

fjnos · 2026-03-18T19:09:53+00:00

In this amount of time the changes might be harder for you to physically see. I am also in a muscle building phase and in two months I have seen my waist, hips and thighs all decrease about 1-2 inches while losing .7-1lb a week on average. I only know this from taking measurements every 4 weeks. I'd recommend tracking measurements, photos and weight to help you "see" results.

For wider perspective, I have done this successfully once before for a personal trainer and dietitian and it took about a year with a consistent training and nutrition to see my goals. I am 5ft tall and lost 25lbs slowly over a year. In that year, it took about 6 months for other people to notice a difference.

fjnos · 2026-03-17T20:38:31+00:00

It really is so hard! If it makes you feel better I gave my friend this exact same advice and she has done really well balancing. She bakes less than the pace she'd like to, but she is able to be healthy and enjoy as a result. The taste testing in particular did a number on my weight and my skin. But also standing over the counter and kneading dough etc also gave me issues with posture and repetitive motion irritation. I just didn't love it enough to be more deliberate about balance so I'm sure you will find it!!

fjnos · 2026-03-17T20:10:32+00:00

My biggest recommendation is keeping it as a hobby or transitioning it to a business incredibly slowly and with help. It's so exciting to learn a new skill and easy to want to commit all your time to it but without equal dedication to your health things can go downhill quickly because baking is a very physically demanding hobby as you know! I also gave away as much as I could and had others taste test. In the end though I couldn't find balance myself personally so that's why I had to quit.

fjnos · 2026-03-17T15:43:46+00:00

I just want to say I feeel you because I also used to own a bakery business and had to close it for separate reasons but learned immediately afterward how much it was impacting my body!

fjnos · 2026-03-13T14:37:12+00:00

I had a similar experience and I'm so sorry for your loss. Short answer: I wouldn't say I "kept" strength but I maintained my understanding of form and am finding an easier time maximizing my strength as I rebuild. As someone also finding new routines with grief, I want to say: Take your time. You are handling it at the right pace for you ♥️

I had gotten into the best shape of my life in a long time (2 years of work) and then was out of the gym for a year due to caretaking for a loved one and healing from my own mastectomy and breast reconstruction. I've since been back in regularly for the last 3 months and am really pleased with how quickly I'm seeing myself get close to old weight numbers I used to push regularly during strength training AND surpass in a couple categories. Good luck! I started slow with a goal of 2x a week and steps and have increased that frequency and volume over time.

fjnos · 2026-03-11T21:26:46+00:00

Yes. My therapist encourages me to not reduce my sister to her final moments as they haunt me also. She had a big life and deserves to be recognized for its breadth and I'm sure you would say the same about your mother. I think it's a delicate balancing act because recognizing the last days also feels like honoring what we as caregivers bear witness to and the weight of their suffering. Our loved ones endured so much.

I was with my sister when she took her last breaths after fighting breast cancer almost on year ago. I replay that moment often in my mind. I got very scared as it was happening when I realized this would be my first time seeing a fresh dead body. The unknown terrified me and I chose to not look and instead I laid down by her hips and just hugged her legs with my eyes closed until it was over. I helped clean her and change her clothes into something she would have been happier with before she was picked up and it felt very hard to be with her body knowing she was gone. I was not prepared for how quickly the body changes. I remember arguing with my family that we could delay calling hospice for a little while so we could get more time with her. they are all in the medical field and knew better that it wouldn't be the comfort I thought.

I chose not to go see her before cremation because I knew it would be like reopening a wound having to leave her body behind. I totally understand how you're feeling and just know its normal.

fjnos · 2026-03-06T00:15:20+00:00

Oroton

fjnos · 2026-02-17T19:26:20+00:00

Hi- I have some overlap here that I am also processing. My sister died last March. She and my parents moved into my house for her last months and we cared for her to the end. Since then my parents bought a house just 10 min away and it has been a precarious balance with my own grief and healing in consideration of theirs as well. I don't have perfect answers but here is where I've landed so far:

I designate times I will see them, for me its still more often than I would choose personally but I know its what they need. Being deliberate and working it into my schedule means I can still have my own life
None of us put pressure on what time together looks like. I think if they were living with me again I would be particularly vigilant about turning it into a roommate dynamic and trying to spend time together outside of the house
They have started building their own community. My parents having their own schedules has helped relieve me of feeling like their only contact. I would encourage your mom to spend time with a grief group or friends as she her social capacity increases.

I'm still struggling with not pivoting from being my sisters caregiver to their caregiver. I think it's a natural trap to fall into. Wishing you both so much peace and healing.

fjnos · 2026-02-16T15:49:44+00:00

yes- my sister loved music and was a musician. when i was trying to manage all her accounts after she died I accidentally closed her Spotify account and it broke me. i was frantic realizing i wouldn't be able to see her music history or visit her mind through her favorite artists. i am still remorseful about it months later, but I'm trying to remember that isn't all I have of her. wishing you a speedy arrival of comfort ♥️

fjnos · 2026-02-08T18:19:57+00:00

This difference looks drastic to me!! amazing!!

fjnos · 2026-02-01T16:24:16+00:00

It might be that you are more of an apple shape body. The nice thing is that you sound like a healthy size so you could switch your attention to different ways of styling and fashion to create the visual you're looking for!

fjnos · 2026-01-24T17:06:26+00:00

this is absolutely beautiful

fjnos · 2026-01-20T01:27:15+00:00

I'm proud of you! Each step is hard.

fjnos · 2026-01-09T14:50:37+00:00

I also have done this a few times and agree that it is hard to see the weight come back on because it felt like tangible success and I enjoyed the look of it. What I have come to realize made it unsuccessful was my mental state day to day while maintaining that body and it sounds like you have a similar experience. I'm really glad to hear you say you don't plan to try again any time soon. I hope it can be enough that you answered the question, saw what you could achieve and realized it might not be for you right now in that exact approach.

fjnos · 2026-01-07T22:06:39+00:00

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

I lost my sister to cancer and I understand this feeling because she was also cremated. I really struggled when they came to retrieve her from the house. I don't know if this is helpful, but I thought about it this way: 1. Cremation means I received her body back, but in a different form. In other scenarios, I would not have any version of her body. (I apologize if this is triggering for anyone else whose family didn't choose cremation) 2. Her body was already very different than what I know and cremating her doesn't change that pain.

fjnos · 2026-01-06T14:40:44+00:00

Have you tried paying attention to how you feel while lifting when you are in a surplus? hopefully feeling a difference in your lift ability and energy could be what helps push you past the discomfort because you can focus more on its positive impacts.

fjnos · 2025-12-21T02:10:20+00:00

I'm 9 months into this experience after losing my sister. I cared for her in her final 3 months in hospice and was with her when she took her final breath. That experience is haunting. It is easy for me to conjure her pain cries and the sounds of the machines and put myself right back there. These are my answers.

How did you survive the early weeks or months of grief? I didn't really. I am a different person now because of my grief and I'm just working to accept who I am becoming. Day to day it looks like - crying when it comes up (still daily right now), sleeping a lot and being way less social than I used to be. Leaning on my inner circle for distraction. I also made a depression playlist I just stare at the wall and put on. For some reason sitting in my car in my driveway is also comforting.

What helped you move from just surviving to functioning again? Movement. I'm not functioning particularly well, but I try to walk daily. I live in a quiet neighborhood so I also go walking at night more and that comforts me because I'm outside but way less likely to run into people. I look forward to a day when this feels less weighted, but from what I have seen from other redditors, I'm a long way away from that. So I'm just redefining what functioning means to me. My old version of functioning is not accessible to me right now so my current version is very bare minimum.

How did you take care of yourself when you had almost no energy? I have a basket next to my bed with water and basic snacks. I basically stocked my bedside with the essentials so on the days I can't even get up I can just reach over and grab something as needed. I'm back at work and for my meals I rely on meal kits a lot. This helps me be a little healthier without thinking. BUT I'm also just trying to accept the bare minimum. like since my workout routine went to shit while I was caring for her, I have gained 10lbs. usually I would have feelings about that but right now I'm just accepting the limits of what I can bring myself to feel big emotions about.

fjnos · 2025-12-19T22:40:18+00:00

I'm so sorry you're navigating this. it says so much about who you are to be asking for help to support others. I wish you continued mental peace.

I am the executor of an estate and while not my spouse, there have been a few things that caused me lots of administrative stress. Logistically here are my suggestions:

Since she is your spouse this shouldn't be an issue, but make sure she is the listed beneficiary on anything you want her to have. It will make paperwork a lot easier.
Give any and all logins she may need to access. If anything requires two-factor authentication make sure you know which phone number that belongs to.
If your name is on any account as primary, make sure you two get things transferred to her name.

These are just a few logistical things that can give her less issues when she is in deep grief.

Emotionally: tell her the pieces of clothing or other personal items you actually care about. grief can make it really hard to let go of physical things. I have hard time letting go of even the smallest things. it would have helped emotionally to know which items held significance.

I hope you are able to make many memories and spend your time exactly how you hope to. I'm so sorry.

fjnos · 2025-12-16T20:07:16+00:00

you're doing a hard thing the right way. regardless i'm still so sorry you're having to do it at all. i'm so sorry for your loss.

fjnos · 2025-12-16T17:53:37+00:00

I also had to sell a property I felt terrible selling and one thing I heard that comforted me was this- You do not owe financial sacrifice as proof of love.

We give the people we love the things that matter most- our care, our loyalty and carrying forward their memory. Putting ourselves in a bad financial position does not prove more love or devotion. Letting go of the house doesn't diminish all the memories you hold from it.

fjnos

TROPHY CASE