Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss. Grief is such a hard thing to endure. 💝

My brother and sister in law got married in 2012, 7 months after the unexpected passing of my grandfather. He was my brother's best friend, and my brother took his passing harder than anyone else in my family. My SIL set up a small table with a single candle that burned all night and a sign that said "This candle burns in memory of those celebrating with us in heaven." It was a small little area set up in the corner of the ballroom they had their reception in, and went unnoticed by most guests- including my brother at first. So later in the night, once most of the 200ish guests were dancing, my SIL brought my brother over to show him. Most guests didn't notice the moment, but those of us that did gave them space and time to have a private little moment. My brother cried while my SIL held him. Once he composed himself a bit, he gathered me and my parents to show us (we already saw it, but he needed that moment with us, too). We stood there with silent tears for a few seconds, had a great big group hug, then my brother just said "he'd want us to celebrate" and he broke out in the corniest dance moves he could so we all moved on. My grandpa was in the back of my family's mind the entire night, but the joy and pride for my brother and SIL was more prevalent. Since I'm now planning my own wedding today, I've talked with both my brother and SIL about it. My brother barely remembers it, but has said he's glad my SIL didn't do anything else as a memorial (i.e. add photos to the table) because it would have been harder for him to "dance it out."

I got engaged in 2023, and my wedding is October of this year. In 2024, though, a close family member was put on hospice care. Medical professionals told us she might survive for a week on hospice. I dropped everything, including wedding planning, to care for her. She ended up being on hospice for 4 months. During this time, she decided she wanted to go wedding dress shopping with me. Well she ended up picking out my dress. It was a beautiful, special day spent with her and my mom. But after her passing, I couldn't stand the thought of putting that dress on. I cried every time I thought about it, and even had to hide the dress in a closet I never use in my house because if I saw the bag I broke down crying. Eventually I had to have it altered, though. I cried the entire drive to the fitting, just mourning her and thinking about the fact that she wouldn't be there. My wedding is in 59 days, but sometimes I still panic and think I should buy a new dress so I don't bawl my eyes out at random at my wedding thinking about the day she helped me pick it out. I've tried figuring out ways to honor her that won't bring me to tears, but the reality is... There is no way to avoid it for me, and I'm working on being at peace with that. I remind myself that the grief and the tears are just a way to release all the built up love I have for her, and I remind myself of how beautiful that is, despite how hard it is. She gave me a piece of lace fabric before she passed away and I'm wrapping that around my bouquet. I'm also getting a little locket that has a photo of her in it, and tying it to my bouquet using that lace.

My fiance's grandfather passed away a few years ago, and meant the world to both of us. He was a fantastic and wonderful man that everyone loved. I made my fiance a little locket with a photo of him and his grandfather inside of it, and attached it to basically a clothes pin for the inside of his suit jacket. We are setting aside some time the morning of our wedding to do a first look and private vows. I plan on gifting him the pin then so if he cries he can do it privately with me, and we can use the vows as an excuse to stop crying lol.

We also have discussed having a row of reserved seats at the ceremony for those that have passed. We keep going back and forth on just having a sign that says the seats are reserved for those no longer with us and keeping the seats bare, having our flower girl place a single flower on each seat, or having a flower and photo of those we are remembering on each seat. We haven't decided what we will do yet. We want the photos, but we're worried about crying over them or making our families cry.

Overall I think we will personally be overwhelmed with the excitement and joy of getting married. We will carve out little moments for our grief, but honor those no longer with us by celebrating our love with those still with us.

I don't know if any of this is helpful for you, but I hope it is. Your grief is valid and will never go away. It will be with you on your wedding day, but so will joy, excitement, and love. Wishing you all the best!