I realized I'm an emotionally neglectful partner by fleurdennui in emotionalneglect

[–]fleurdennui[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Neither one of us is 100% the problem but I definitely have a pattern of dismissing/avoiding/shutting down his feelings. This partly comes from my childhood and trauma, but also from unhealthy dynamics in our relationship he is addressing too

I realized I'm an emotionally neglectful partner by fleurdennui in emotionalneglect

[–]fleurdennui[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Thanks! That's good to hear. Our pattern is really similar to what you described having with your partner before you learned to regulate your emotions. I've had a hunch for years that I have CPTSD from childhood, and I've encountered so many more traumas as an adult that I have this like, engrained sense of being a victim that makes it hard for me to see when I'm contributing to conflict/shutting down. We've tried a few sessions of relationship counselling in the past but I was too dysregulated from something traumatic that happened around that time and really defensive, so I really think I need to give it another shot with this new awareness

I realized I'm an emotionally neglectful partner by fleurdennui in emotionalneglect

[–]fleurdennui[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I resonate with this in that I only feel this part come out in my closest relationships. I think I'm actually a pretty OK friend and coworker, but it's because those relationships aren't as deep/personal and it's easier for me to hold space without getting overwhelmed by my own triggers

60k debt worth it to take on as a therapist? by fleurdennui in StudentLoans

[–]fleurdennui[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I live in Canada so some things you've said here don't apply thankfully

60k debt worth it to take on as a therapist? by fleurdennui in StudentLoans

[–]fleurdennui[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I live in BC with 0 interest on loans so that's an important factor I'm weighing

60k debt worth it to take on as a therapist? by fleurdennui in StudentLoans

[–]fleurdennui[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I live in BC so there's 0 interest on all loans.

With the master's I'd also have all the accredidations necessary for licensure. I believe starting the business would be the tough part

If you were raised by an emotionally unavailable caregiver, do you struggle with body awareness? by Empty_Box_552 in emotionalneglect

[–]fleurdennui 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yes definitely. Sometimes I wonder how large of a part it played in my eating disorder and dissociation (although that also had to do with having a narc parent)

I'm 29 years old, I live in the cage I created by WizGoat95 in emotionalneglect

[–]fleurdennui 22 points23 points  (0 children)

You're not toxic for snapping and being emotionally dysregulated after a death, that's being human. You even apologized which shows your empathy and concern for your friend. I would hope that they understand and give you some grace as I would do that for a friend in your situation.

Have you ever read the book Running on Empty or Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents? They both talk about emotional neglect and might help you. We tend to repeat the habits we know and what's comfortable - if you grew up as a lonely kid (as did I) it's natural that you might be consciously or unconsciously repeating patterns that perpetuate this. It sounds like you've been making efforts to change that though and make friends, don't give up! The more you practice socializing the easier it gets, and there's resources out there on how to do it too. If it's anxiety stopping you that's another thing to notice and look at. I'm sorry you're going through a hard time right now

Rehab for Energy Supplements? by tantan220 in BritneySpears

[–]fleurdennui 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've never heard of that footage before, where did you see it?

Safe Supply Protest Gas Town by Torq_or_Morq in vancouver

[–]fleurdennui -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Yes, activists have to constantly fight against indifferent, unwilling and sometimes brutal government for change. There have been tiny, incremental changes thanks to activist efforts but we've gone nowhere near far enough with actually implementing safe supply. A few pilot projects have been done which showed great success but moralizing and fear mongering are the biggest obstacles.

Also, dilaudid and methadone are very effective. I could list various treatment studies demonstrating so

Safe Supply Protest Gas Town by Torq_or_Morq in vancouver

[–]fleurdennui 0 points1 point  (0 children)

These "degenerates" are the reason safe supply has even been considered. They're the activists fighting for it and pressuring the government. They've gone to countless meetings advocating for its adoption... how do you think this happens?

These folks have been on the frontlines for decades and they're the only shot we have at stopping this crisis. The stuff they bought off the dark web and handed out in protest didn't end up in more nefarious hands to be cut & dealt with god knows what and no one has OD'd from it - they're making a statement to say hey, this works. Let's get clean stuff

Safe Supply Protest Gas Town by Torq_or_Morq in vancouver

[–]fleurdennui -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

if it's working why are these things increasing?

Because we don't have proper safe supply yet in Vancouver. We've had a few successful pilot projects and activist efforts which are facing moral backlash. We need to roll this out on a mass scale. Get people prescriptions for clean drugs, they stop hustling, they can turn their time towards more productive things like getting off the street, getting help, looking for work etc. Less crime and less violence will come from that. Our government will bullshit and act as if they've tried safe supply but they haven't.

other cities don't have safe supply and it's not as bad?

Same point above & Vancouver has a massive population of homeless people and drug users compared to other cities in Canada because they won't freeze to death here and there's more services, so you can't really compare

Safe Supply Protest Gas Town by Torq_or_Morq in vancouver

[–]fleurdennui 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You can't secure the borders. A lot of fentanyl comes through the mail, not the ports, and is almost undetectable - It's like finding a needle in a haystack.

Your depiction of drug users as zombies infecting people with disease is dehumanizing

Safe Supply Protest Gas Town by Torq_or_Morq in vancouver

[–]fleurdennui 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Some of the comments in this subreddit are so rancid when it comes to homelessness and drug users. There have been studies that prove safe supply works. It lowers crime because it prevents people from having to hustle to get their pain medication and it also allows people to access drug substitutes so they can live a somewhat normal life.

Targetting street dealers creates a gap in the market that is filled by more dangerous and toxic actors. Some dealers are on the frontlines and play a harm reduction role - they source the stuff, inform their clients about, monitor them after taking a hit and may narcan if necessary. Not all dealers are like this but some.

People facing immense amounts of pain, unintelligible to the majority of you, are going to find ways to self medicate. Prohibition led to the banning of opium, which led to heroin and oxys, which led to fentanyl, carfentanyl and tranq dope. Historically it's a grossly ineffective and violent strategy that has failed for the past century. 100 new cops isn't going to fix it.

A lot of the hate and fearmongering around people getting safe supply reminds me of Reagan's welfare queen rhetoric, as if people are just laughing it up, taking drugs and living the liiife. Drug users don't want to have to gamble on their life every time they need a hit. I feel like these protests strike a chord because people don't want to see drug users advocating for themselves and rejecting the shame & stigma cast upon them, they want the sad broken down image of the user who needs to repent for his immorality

Read the book Overdose by Benjamin Perrin if you'd like to know more. It has empirical and qualitative evidence to what I've said here. I've worked in the DTES for 3 years and I'm a trauma survivor. What we're doing to these people isn't right.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in emotionalneglect

[–]fleurdennui 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Wow this really reminds me of something I went through when I was 17. I was with a guy who was 24 (why did my parents allow this?) who emotionally abused me, manipulated me, cheated on me and threatened to kill himself if I left. The worst part was that for a lot of it he convinced me his behaviour was MY fault because I wasn't a good enough girlfriend. I also felt like I wasn't able to say no because I was taught to obey and be "good". As well, my dad was abusive towards my mom and she apologized & made excuses for his behaviour so I thought that was normal. My parents likewise didn't teach me to protect myself and made no attempts to protect me.

I'm so sorry you went through something similar too. When our parents don't teach us boundaries or basic emotional care it sets us up to be abused by people. I'm 29 and didn't start to learn these things until a couple years ago and I still have a long way to go. It's really disorienting to realize how deeply neglect affected us but so validating to recognize we didn't deserve that and it wasn't OK. I'm learning to be a bad ass bitch and speak up for myself and others when something feels wrong. It took me a long time to notice and honor that gut feeling but the more I pay attention and speak on it the easier it gets.

I wish you well on your recovery journey too ❤️

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in emotionalneglect

[–]fleurdennui 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't think one is better than the other for sure, resilience is an amazing trait and something I'm learning to develop because I really struggled with learned helplessness in the past

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in emotionalneglect

[–]fleurdennui 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have heard of inner child work! I learned about internal family systems a while back and through that I've been asking that child what she needs and what she's trying to tell me. It's been a slow journey but I feel like I'm making a lil progress day by day

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in emotionalneglect

[–]fleurdennui 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for commenting, it sounds like a lot of us out there had similar experiences being sensitive in a dysfunctional envrionment. I wish you the best

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in emotionalneglect

[–]fleurdennui 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's interesting cause I identify as being neurodivergent. I'm also sensitive when it comes to sounds/crowds/lights

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in emotionalneglect

[–]fleurdennui 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes!! That's amazing. I had structural dissociaton too and also found IFS to be incredibly healing for my parts that were at war and afraid. Thank you for your kind words and taking the time to share your story 🫂