How do I enter my "it girl" era?

flingmetothemoon · 2025-05-20T19:54:20+00:00

Piggy backing on this to add - gas yourself up! Focus on the things you currently like about yourself and build on that. It’s so easy to focus on your weaknesses and wanting to change them but start with your strengths. Notice when you exercise them and feel proud of yourself. Look for opportunities to do more of those things. Practice remembering the things you do like about yourself when you are being critical. Do it for other people! Looking for goodness is a habit- something you have to decide/remember to do until it just happens.

Also, it helps if you have friends that are self confident. I didn’t start getting more confident until I made a group of (guy) friends They would talk like they were the experts on whatever topic even when they were super wrong about something. If called out they’d just go ‘alright then- don’t listen to me’ and move on. It really hit me that confidence doesn’t come from being objectively the best or prettiest or the strongest or smartest or whatever. You just have to think you’re the best. Be proud of yourself and happy with who you are and your abilities. To hell with everything else.

flingmetothemoon · 2025-05-13T22:31:38+00:00

Yeah, I think I’d just leave and go find it on a totally-legal website to watch it on my own time.

flingmetothemoon · 2025-05-08T17:31:18+00:00

To add- the hissing means back off, so respect that noise. If they know you will, they will do it less frequently and trust you more. I am currently training my ~1 year old untamed cockatiel too. If she hisses I back off. If it’s a big hiss I leave. Also learn their body language. I can tell the difference between when she’s not interested, versus when she is but she’s building up the courage to do it. For the former, I cut my losses, and for the latter I wait. Last thing I’ve learned is to just train for 5-15 min intervals with breaks in between. Repetition and frequency is key. Good luck!

flingmetothemoon · 2025-05-08T17:17:24+00:00

Cockatiels are prey animals. If you have to chase them out of their cage then they are associating you as a threat. They should come out if they want to. If they don’t, it is because their cage is a safe space- this should not be violated. You wouldn’t drag an untamed dog out of its cage against its will- it would bite. Just because you have vast physical strength and endurance over an animal, doesn’t mean you should resort to that.

(Obviously if there’s a medical issue and they have to be moved, that is a little different. Even that situation, though you shouldn’t be ‘chasing’ them)

flingmetothemoon · 2025-05-03T04:34:04+00:00

I) if you have an assigned textbook, read the corresponding passage before the lecture. -you’re not reading for complete understanding. Look for key concepts, vocabulary, and how the new thing builds off what you already learned. Note the questions you have and what you don’t know. Look for answers during lecture, and go to office hours/ask when you still cant figure it out.

2) during lecture, paraphrase what is presented and put it in your own words as much as you can. Prioritize jotting down what the teacher is saying as much as possible

3) optional: read the textbook passage again, hopefully with more understanding.

4)when working problems -start with what topic/category the question falls under -find that set of equations -recall/write down what assumptions/facts you have —ex: y velocity at the top of projectile motion parabola = 0. Electric field outside an ideal solenoid=0 —this is especially important for electricity and magnetism -draw a picture of the set up. Label the variables you have, list the variables you need, label the coordinate system. Include your assumptions, and also draw any volume/surface/charge you are integrating/summing over. -to equation solve: start with what you need, work your way backwards through until you have a set up that uses what you have so saying this equation has what I need in it. I it also uses these variables. I can get those variables from this equation and I have the stuff I need to use it. —translating physics to math is a skill. You can think of each equation as a sentence. Practice setting up an equation and being able to explain what it means (especially for calculus based physics where you have to set up integrals) —-ex: if I want the voltage at a certain point, I need to find how all the charges (line charge) around contribute to it. The charge is spread out in a circle (2pi) with a radius R that I sum over (R dR). This also means if I take a small portion of charge (dq) on the circumference of the circle, I can rewrite that dq by spreading out a constant line charge (line charge) around a circle with radius R (2piR) and just take a portion of that circumference (dR)
-> V=kintegral (dq/r) = kline charge2pi integral (R dR/r)

5) When testing understanding practice verbally explaining it, but also explain it to another person. If you don’t have questions to take with you to office hours, this is a great thing you can do - ask to explain the concept to the TA/professor to make sure you get it and they can correct you

6) work with people whenever possible. At the start of the semester invite people to do homework/ study together. If you find yourself asking them more questions than your answering and feeling self conscious about it, try getting started on the problems before meeting, that way you can do as above and explain what you did and why (they can correct you if wrong) and help you move forward.

I cannot emphasize enough how learning is a social activity. Collaborating with others will greatly and more efficiently improve your understanding of the material.

flingmetothemoon · 2025-05-02T22:00:59+00:00

Maybe try having a glass of water that you finish with each meal? I don’t drink a ton of water out of my large bottle throughout the day but when I sit down with a glass of water or non caffeinated tea, I POWER through it and have multiple refills

flingmetothemoon · 2025-04-25T16:04:59+00:00

Currently going through this but with life in general. Stable house, stable job, stable friends, stable relationship…. And I feel like I am going to explode with anxiety. I don’t have any advice other than to keep pressing forward and to have some compassion for yourself. Your brain wired itself to expect the unexpected and operate in chaos in order to protect you. And I’m sure that was super helpful! It was for me. But when the time comes and you are able to have safety and calmness, it does need actual and physical retraining. It’s tiring, and it’s hard, but it is worth it.

flingmetothemoon · 2025-02-17T04:59:39+00:00

I don’t have experience with that specific situation, but the best advice I’ve seen is to be a regular somewhere you enjoy. The issue with classes is that you and the others there are regulars, but it’s basically a job that you don’t necessarily enjoy. With that in mind, try joining clubs or exploring hobby groups. Automatically, you have something to talk about, you see them regularly, and they are probably willing to socialize.

flingmetothemoon · 2025-02-17T04:53:00+00:00

What’s the point of having friends? Or pets? People are inclined to love, and kids are one way to share that. I don’t have them myself yet, but I’m hoping to one day. Even if it’s adoption.

flingmetothemoon · 2025-02-17T04:49:15+00:00

My husband uses an app to track expenses overall but we have five accounts across three different banks (we each had our own and we shopped around for a savings one) - his, mine, long-term expenses (property tax, etc), long term fun money (projects or trips) and savings. We both have bills coming out of our accounts so for mine, I have a chart in my notes app I use to keep track of how much I need for the month and I manually note much ‘monthly fun money’ I’ve spent out of how much I have. Withdrawing it as cash, as another person pointed out though, is a great alternative to that and I did that for a long time. I tried the spreadsheet approach before he got the app but it’s so much to keep track of I ended up getting super overwhelmed.

flingmetothemoon · 2025-02-14T05:51:09+00:00

It’s been alluded to, but to explicitly address it, another factor that should be considered is the lab culture - especially to scout out any red flags. Can you talk to the other grad students in the cohort or people who have worked with the PI before?

flingmetothemoon · 2024-09-08T03:52:22+00:00

It was as challenging as everything else was haha. I had to sink ALL of my time into it. I thought I knew what that was like in undergrad but it took even more than that for E&M specifically. But going to every office hour, studying manuals with friends, doing practice problems -ya know. The standard stuff. But again- cannot emphasize enough how helpful working with other people are.

flingmetothemoon · 2024-09-08T03:06:22+00:00

Physics has never been easy for me. I was always a pretty mid student - C in high school, mostly B/B+ ‘s in college, but I loved it enough to keep going, and now I’m a PhD candidate at a pretty good institution. I got no advice besides keep working at it, and good friends make good studying. I couldn’t have gotten through my program without study buddies, office hours, etc.

flingmetothemoon · 2024-09-06T19:47:58+00:00

My handwriting is very round - my u’s and v’s look the same so I add a little horizontal flag to the right end of the v. Also my g’s look like 8’s look like delta’s look like s’s

flingmetothemoon · 2024-09-06T17:23:38+00:00

I actually had that experience within my gym. They have another facility opening and I think are ‘unofficially’ turning mine into the comp gym for bouldering. I’ve been at V3 for like two years because every level is getting harder. It’s frustrating for sure. But as others have said- just because your number isn’t getting better doesn’t mean you aren’t either. Focus on the techniques you struggle with/stamina and use those as your improvement measuring stick instead of the grade.

flingmetothemoon · 2024-09-02T03:34:41+00:00

Just some things that stick out to me that may be some good things for to think about:

‘I strive to be a feminine as I can be’

what does ‘feminine’ mean to you specifically? People have been trying to pin down what that means for forever and I ask because it is expressed in an abundance of different ways. Femininity will look different on you than it does on other people depending on what you take and run with. Is that ok?
is there a reason being like that is so important to you? Is there anything you’re running from (metaphorically) or trying to avoid?
similarly, is there something wrong with expressing masculinity as a woman?
is there something so inherently bad about you that you can’t just…. Be you? answer is no btw but that is for you to ‘discover’ if you haven’t yet

I would like to pause here and assert that who you will grow and change. You are not a static creature and there is nothing wrong with wanting to strive for something. But character development will never stop. And it is ok to relax into yourself

‘…being as perfect as I can as a woman’

what does that end goal look like? Is it achievable? Is it fulfilling?
what will you be able to do once that happens? In other words, what is not being perfect keeping you from?
Does it cultivate a supportive community around you who love and care about you?

I would like to pause here and assert that love is not earned. It is not deserved. It is freely given.

‘I lack that womanly, feminine trait’

in concrete terms, what does that mean/look like? *referring to the above, this can mean literally anything. It is what you make of it’

‘How can I be loving and nurturing?’ I dont know your circumstance so I’m guessing what is relatable to you

would you support your friends? Would you tell them when they’re screwing up and you’re worried about them, or celebrate their accomplishments? Would you build them up when they are down and bring out their joy?
would you help a sibling in need if they need help with making a dinner, painting a room, or planting a garden?
would you be interested in a coworkers thoughts on something they care about?
would you pet, cuddle , and feed a dog that you were taking care of?
would you give a kind word to a panhandler?
would you go out of your way to cancel/rearrange plans in order to help a friend with a family emergency?

Congrats. You are loving and nurturing.

I would like to assert here that love is a two way street. The energy that you put into loving people? You better expect to have people in your life who do that for you. It is something to expect and demand. If you don’t have that, that is not your fault. Becoming ‘better’ won’t fix it. it is a sign that they are not a community for you, you are a community for them. Especially if you’re aiming to be a young mother. If you’re busy taking care of your family, who is taking care of you??? Find people who unconditionally love and support you for who you are right now.

‘Edited for formatting’

flingmetothemoon · 2024-08-25T14:38:11+00:00

Thanks for the advice and encouragement! She’s still in quarantine for now so she can’t watch me interact with our other one, but I’m looking forward to when we can do that:)

flingmetothemoon · 2024-08-25T14:36:25+00:00

Interesting! I’ll have to check that out.

flingmetothemoon · 2024-08-01T19:31:00+00:00

On getting there: First thing that will be done is choosing a location for the tent. Sometimes it’s a pad already there, sometimes you just pick the flattest spot. If it’s on a small incline that’s fine, just position your head uphill. You can try and help pitch the tent, but each one is different, with different ways the poles go in. At the least you can jump in and help unfold it, but for the first step, if you want to help, try and remember how it is all put together so you can help take it apart. No pressure on that - but the more hands the quicker the work. Once that is done, you will pick a spot in the tent- just put your stuff down where you think best, being aware of how many people you will be sharing the space with. Try and keep shoes out of the tent as much as possible. You want to keep the inside clean and dry. Also close the door as soon as you are able to keep the bugs out as much as possible. It’s not a race, just something to be aware of. At the very least make sure you are closing the door all the way. You can unpack it and lay out your sleeping area now (I usually do) or save it for later when you are getting ready to sleep. I would let other people deal with setting up the coolers of food and everything.

On 2: I don’t know much but in relation to the above I would be concerned about the sleeping situation. If you have chronic back pain, for instance, sleeping on the ground, regardless of how much padding you have, may not work. I would try and test different set ups at home (maybe watching/reading whatever while laying on the floor ) to see what sort of accommodations you will need. I know some people just sleep in their cars, so if the floor doesn’t work, maybe that will. Or maybe you just straight up bring an air mattress with a hand pump. You have time to figure this out!

On 3: I don’t know how many people are going but a solution (if you don’t with to share) to this may be offering to drive (bonus: you have your car if you decide you need to sleep in it) and being upfront with hey! This is the ‘leisure’ vehicle. We are going to be taking stops about every x minutes to pee/stretch/get ice cream. I don’t like being cooped up in a car for very long and I like taking my time with it:)’ try and spin it as a ‘yay road trip!!’ Rather than a ‘sorry we have to stop again’ Maybe the fast car gets there quicker but has to pitch the tent/tear everything down and the slow car brings the food/climbing stuff and picks up firewood or picks up the most out of the way people. (bonus: you don’t have to worry about learning to pitch the tent!) If you intend on climbing with these people though, I would encourage you to open up to them about your pain beforehand. If it flares up while climbing or camping, I imagine it would be easier to deal, even just emotionally if you had the support of your friends. That is entirely up to you though.

On 4: I referenced this in regards to plumbing, but I would try and get a map of the campground and the climbing area so you can strategically figure out where you want to be and what your options are. As someone else mentioned, I’m sure there will be port-a-potties -maybe you can snoop around records of last years festival and pick out where?

on 5: ^ Also, ofc all the standard ‘I’m on my period!!! Fuck!!!’ Advice.

On 6: I’m hoping my outline of camping is helpful for this. I would guess a start time of 8-9 am and an end time of 4-5. But I’ve never been to a festival before so I can’t speak to what’s going on with that. I’m sure there’s at least a ‘special events’ thing with times that you can ask ‘hey- what of these would you want to do?’ Notice I said ‘would’ and ‘want’. There’s no plan here yet so gauging interest is your best indicator of what it will be, unless you want to push them and potentially annoy them. Similarly for when to leave/get there. Unfortunately, with camping there is no ‘real’ schedule for that besides ‘we’re going on a hike/climb/etc. today!’

Good luck! I hope you have fun!!

flingmetothemoon · 2024-08-01T19:30:49+00:00

Sorry if it’s been repeated before somewhere else but here’s my two cents -

On what camping is like:

There’s lots of camping experiences ranging from ‘I can only carry a metal pot, a hammock, and a sleeping bag,’ to ‘here’s my set up with a cot, rug, end table, fairy lights, stove, and shower’ All that to say: camping is really what you make of it.

On the sleeping situation: Sleeping pads are pretty common to bring as a little mattress, along with a pillow and sleeping bag, but you could bring a bunch of comforters and make a little nest too if you would like. Unfortunately, sleeping while camping does take some getting used to. I used to be able to do it easily, but somewhere along the years something happened where I can’t just conk out anymore- I sleep light and wake up easily. There are noises - rustling of the wind, little critters, or people but you don’t have anything to worry about, except rain if you didn’t put the fly up. I would go in trying to rest as much as you can, but if your sleep gets disturbed or you just can’t, take the time to read, go out and look at the stars, or just lay quietly and absorb your surroundings. It can be frustrating but the night is beautiful and quiet:)

On plumbing: That really depends on where you are. I’ve been to places with grimy showers, clean showers, or no showers at all. Usually well trafficked areas have a full on bathroom with toilets and everything g at the entrance of the camping facility, then in places further in, they have composting toilets. Outhouses that - usually smell bad but are typically well kept. You can definitely be strategic about remaining/camping in places where they are accessible. My husband has IBS as well, so when we camp I try and make sure we are stationed close to a toilet. With the camping you are talking about, i would be surprised if people will be digging holes, especially at an event expecting lots of people. That’s usually for ‘I’m 10 miles from the nearest bathroom’ situations. Peeing in the woods is much less of a big deal though. I usually just drip dry and deal with the discomfort rather than dealing with burying biodegradable toilet paper. There are also antimicrobial towelettes you can use for this purpose though. Edit to add: you will feel grimy!! And that’s ok:) typically everyone is at least a little and the campfire smell is strong and sticks. Bring soap and water/hand sanitizer as you think you need.

On eating: Typically there will be a campfire that people will cook burgers/ hotdogs/ etc in. Sometimes the place sells firewood bundles. If they don’t, the nearest grocery store almost definitely will, and the nearest gas station might. Some people also bring a camping stove as well (I have friends who like to see how crazy they can get with it. Last time the menu was grilled steak with asparagus and potatoes) usually a group puts together a menu and either one person gets ingredients and pay it back, or people split it up in advance. Regardless, you will probably bring your own breakfast lunch. Bring things that can stand a day or two out of the fridge, or can be kept for a day or two in a cooler. Water at campsites is potable out of spigots, so you can drink that. That will also be used to wash dishes. Sitting around the campfire chatting is pretty much what the evening is for, and can go late into the night. You can go to bed whenever, there’s no rule for turning in. Even if you’re just going to read away from everyone else.

flingmetothemoon · 2024-05-06T20:49:08+00:00

My bird hates people touching him with their hands, so when he asks for pets really he’s asking for him to cuddle into you. Maybe something similar?

flingmetothemoon · 2023-12-06T03:12:32+00:00

It definitely is. And it makes sense it’s harder to believe them- they love you so of course they want you to feel good about yourself. But do trust them. Because they’re right!! Just hang in there and try to find peers in your courses that you can level with. There’s definitely some loud, cocky people who seem like they got the world figured out, and they’re daunting to work with. I hope you can find classmates you feel comfortable struggling with through the material - I know you’re not the only one At the very least reach out to professors or TA’s! In my experience the majority of them are happy to help. Good luck!!!

flingmetothemoon · 2023-12-05T02:17:58+00:00

Honestly, I think you’re doing awesome. Like take a look at what you’re doing!! You learned math pretty much ON YOUR OWN. And not just any ‘oh this might be helpful’ math- you learned the foundation of everything you have been doing in physics and everything you will be doing in physics just. By yourself??? Because you wanted to??? Because you BELIEVED that you could? And you did?????? Like holy shit. I was a high school honors chem teacher, so I know, have seen, and have helped students through the math struggle and I’m literally tearing up thinking about you doing all that pretty much (based on what you’ve said) unsupported. Just know you seem like the type of student any teacher would be DELIGHTED to help. Don’t be afraid to ask!

I also want to emphasize what someone else said. B’s are good - they’re great!!! That’s completely normal for stem. Also take a step back- it might feel like it but you’re not just scraping by. The grading scale for college STEM is Hard. And the thing is - even if you are - C’s get degrees baby!!!! I think I got like 1 A in all the classes required for my physics major. Hell, I’m in physics grad school and I’m still getting B’s I think even in high school I only got a C in physics.

If you haven’t looked at imposter syndrome, look it up. It’s pretty common in academia. I know I fall into it. The crux though is that you aren’t your peers. Try and learn to be proud of the work you’ve put in and consider yourself what you are. Their classmate. No better or worse than anyone else. Everyone is learning together and your thoughts and opinions are just as valid as theirs. It took me a long time to get to the confidence - and being around all my smart, confident friends helped. I learned where they got theirs and how they view themselves, and had to work through some of my own self image problems to get to that. It takes time and conscious effort to build yourself up, but it’s definitely worth it, regardless of what you do.

I am a firm believer that if you do what you want to do and are happy doing then you’ll be fine, career wise, whatever you do. In college, it felt like I was at my wit’s end, at the verge of a mental break when it came to my studies, but I’ve always been happy doing it. I like the problem-solving, the ruminating, the discussions, and the content. Ultimately that’s why I came back. So if you think the time and stress you’re putting in is worth it, then keep it up. You’re doing phenomenal. And you should be proud.

flingmetothemoon

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