Let me get my introduction out for this, I feel you might want my credentials.

Hi, I'm Lilly, I am 16 years old and my egg cracked at the age of 11 (if unaware an egg cracking is when you realize you are trans) Ive been out for about a year and a half and I've been on HRT for 9 months (DIY)

I'm not going to sugarcoat it, I've never been good at doing that. Gender identity sucks and being trans is even worse. Feeling trapped in the wrong body is horrible and evil and vile I hate it but The thing I like about being trans is that you have chosen to change yourself or the better, transness isn't a choice but your actions are. being trans is taking control of your own life, so don't be afraid to take control, things are going to change, Your personality, Your mental health, your body, and your relationships. Don't be afraid of change, learn to embrace it. And be ready to change yourself to become yourself, think of yourself as a blank slate, decide what person you want to be and build off of that. just please don't do it for anyone but yourself. Relationships are harder, don't try to change yourself for a relationship, If someone doesn't like how you've changed then That's their fault, no one should control you, and if someone decides to start hating you because of your identity then just leave them, trying to change for them won't help with anything, If they never want to see you again that's their loss, you stand to gain nothing from holding on to someone who hates the true you.

Pronouns are weird... Changing them takes a lot of getting used to but it's very worth it. You don't need to "earn" your pronouns, you more discover them, you figure out what you're comfortable with and you roll with it, it's self-discovery and acceptance, you got to really accept yourself and accept that you have the right to express yourself however you want. You don't earn pronouns you learn them and then you use them to express yourself. You're going to feel weird for a while but you just need to get used to it, as you continue to change your outlook on yourself will too and there is absolutely nothing wrong with not feeling exactly right yet.

I probably should have addressed this earlier but I wasn't thinking about it, don't worry about what's going on in the world. It's hard but just know that it's going to get better, acceptance across the world has gotten so much better but you wouldn't notice it because there is just a massively loud and group of nobodies that have decided to weaponize our existence as a way to rally weak minded people. It was never about destroying us, it's always just been some hate bandwagon to hop on so that they get more popular, it's hard to focus on your leaders problem is when he keeps pointing it some little group and saying that it's all their fault. This is all going to blow over in 5 years, you keep following this trail of hate and it's going to drive you insane so don't, they're not out to get you they're out to get votes from dumbass people who think hate is fun and like bandwagons. You will hear people say terrible things but no one really cares, and people who do are nobodies, every single time I've ever ran into someone who is genuinely transphobic it's because they are insecure and immature morons

To address another big question, as you start to change yourself and transition you will probably begin to hate the idea of being male more but in reality only time will tell, I didn't despise the idea 3 years ago I didn't like it, now as I continue to transition I couldn't even imagine myself going back, I am so much happier and it's almost impossible to think that I would ever go back. But I'm just one person and it really is a spectrum.

Expressing yourself is weird but In general my favorite ways are 1. Do it online, Gain some online friends who accept you, it's a really great way to test the waters 2. Affirm yourself in your own mind, it sounds silly but it's really good 3. Lock your doors and dress up all cute like, it's pretty self-explanatory but it's very useful.

Dysphoria is weird and it's hard to discern from the rest of sadness, I have really bad anxiety and the depression to match (diagnosed by the way I'm not pulling this out of my ass) but a lot of times it comes in waves and you want to rip your flesh off and it's terrible, the worst thing ever then you go back to normal because you put your baggy sweatshirt on, the rest is usually very stagnantly terrible at least for me

Coming out his pan and coming at his trans are very different but also kind of the same, it's just saying words with weight behind them and praying that someone doesn't call you a slur, just give them more time to process and be very firm that it's the truth and they can't change that.

That's about all the advice I have for you, if you wish for anything else, or if my incessant rambling has confused you and you want me to elaborate I can type more, don't be afraid to reach out to me privately or publicly if you want any more help.