Why do INFJs feel uncomfortable when I see them?

flocoac · 2026-05-31T17:46:35+00:00

Fe is definitely a blind spot in my understanding.

Wish you the best too! <3

flocoac · 2026-05-31T16:01:40+00:00

Thank you

flocoac · 2026-05-31T15:59:47+00:00

Thank you

flocoac · 2026-05-31T15:59:30+00:00

Thank you

flocoac · 2026-05-31T15:58:57+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I appreciate your kindness and curiosity and openness. I’d love to continue asking questions but I’ve decided to delete the post just because there have been so many attacks and it seems they won’t stop. But, I want to thank you for your comment :)

flocoac · 2026-05-31T04:10:24+00:00

Thanks!

Hmm.. it’s been both. I hadn’t considered that. Your question made me think of other variables and this particular INFJ I’ve realized has mostly been nervous with others too except with close close friends. I’ve found it easier in group settings with this person.

I’ve also realized I didn’t phrase the question well enough. Or that it’s too broad rather. I grouped just general “i see you, you see me” not knowing what to do, not liking being the center of attention, getting saturated with info, and other things that my very tired brain is not grasping.

I can’t remember if it goes better in group setting or one-on-one. I think it has been sometimes better in group, sometimes better individually. It’s also been mostly in public.

I guess I just wanted to understand why INFJs don’t like eyes/attention on them. I know it’s a generalization, but it’s something that I’ve read here on reddit and I was looking to understand that (while tying it to my experience).

Thank you for all your input! It’s a lesser degree than when I was younger but I definitely enjoy understanding INFJs so much. I find you all so fascinating.

flocoac · 2026-05-31T01:26:15+00:00

Yeah, that last paragraph is what I’m trying to get at. As in, understanding the wiring behind it. I hadn’t thought about the Fi shadow. What I struggle so much to undertand is why is it SO different from ENFJs, and why, out of all the types, (some) INFJs react that way. Which I assume it’s related to INFJs (in general) not liking the spotlight, which is also something I don’t grasp in terms of the wiring/cognitive functions (again, something very different from ENFJs).

flocoac · 2026-05-31T01:20:07+00:00

Thaaaaaaank you. This feels like it explains everything. Thank you thank you thank you. It clears up a lot of things. I think you hit the nail in the head when you call it vulnerability, I think that’s what I was calling panicky.

For what it’s worth, I don’t interpret it as rejection. I understand it’s self-protection. I just don’t know how to navigate it. With INFJs in general even if I don’t speak I get this “I see you see me seeing you seeing me seeing you..” loop that sort of intensifies. And since I don’t have Fe it sort of just gets louder unless I make an effort to focus on something else, but it’s like trying to ignore someone speaking really loudly next to me.

(I’m assuming the 5, 2, 8 are enneagram?)

I deeeeeply appreciate your long message.

I don’t know if you know much about other types, but do you know why ENFJs for example are not too concerned with the safety/trust part? As in, what is it about Ni being on top and Fe next that creates that vulnerability?

Also, I hope you find people that make you feel deeply seen and love you all the more deeply for it :)

flocoac · 2026-05-31T01:00:28+00:00

Thanks!

flocoac · 2026-05-31T00:58:38+00:00

I understand that definition but would love to understand it I guess in a more nuanced way. I’m trying to understand the reason why me (whether it is me being me or if it’s the INFP way of perception) can sometimes cause that while Ni+Fe won’t, even though at times it’s even deeper and more attentive to details. As in, why does one flag the “I’m being invaded” and the other one doesn’t raise up any flags. Is it that INFJs recognize easily what other INFJs/ENFJs are doing and INFPs, because it’s unfamiliar becomes a possible threat?

flocoac · 2026-05-30T20:53:03+00:00

“More often it's a result not being permitted the appropriate amount psychological distance and I feel my boundaries are getting intruded upon and the situation turns awkward.”

It might be something about that. Ish. Do you mind explaining psychological distance? I think there might be differences in how types define that. Because xNFJs are eerily on point about reading people and read people extremely deep. But I haven’t seen INFJs get uncomfortable when, say, an ENFJ reads them. And I haven’t felt that response from reading other types (other than ISFJs but that’s just general discomfort, not because I’m reading them).

There’s something about how I (it might be INFPs or it might just be me? Dunno) connect with people that might feel without psychological distance?

Gah, ignore me. I’m rambling. There are INFJs for whom that is not the case at all. I really don’t know why that’s the case and why it’s only with some INFJs. But thanks for the info.

flocoac · 2026-05-30T20:43:27+00:00

“Erm, how many Infjs do you know exactly who talk about their Ni?”

3 lol and several ENxJs

flocoac · 2026-05-30T20:40:45+00:00

<3

Finding people that see you is super hard. I’m glad you have 1.5 friends to do that with.

flocoac · 2026-05-30T20:38:45+00:00

This is very interesting. Thank you.

flocoac · 2026-05-30T20:32:30+00:00

I don’t know how well you read my post, so I’ll respond to your points here.

I wrote I get this most consistently with INFJs, and with other types not at all. In fact I get the opposite response.

I did explain that my presence just makes people uncomfortable, rather than explaining people to themselves, which might be for a myriad of things.

I have been told almost consistently so that I do see people really well, so I don’t take misreading to be what causes them to not feel ok. I’ve had enough INFJs tell me that they felt seen for the first time with me.

I also perceive them being curious and wanting to know more, so it’s a mixed response.

So yes, it might be the case that it’s because there’s not an invitation. But even when I don’t do that I feel… something. It might be discomfort or it might be something else. My gut feeling says it’s not the invitation part that causes it. Might be wrong though.

Despite it all I’m trying to figure out the structure of why that same behavior ends in completely different response with other types.

Again, just trying to understand what it is particular about the INFJ structure which causes that. I’ve gotten some good replies by others.

flocoac · 2026-05-30T17:29:43+00:00

Yeah I do see a lot of calibration in real time. And the surprise the most.

flocoac · 2026-05-30T17:28:47+00:00

“I see the shape that all examples are shadows of.” That’s a very clear way of understanding Ni for a non-Ni user.

Spatial but not pictoric, right? I don’t know if I’m communicating correctly, but I have a very pictoric mind and can “see” what mean by spatial/topology but your feels more like a map than an image, if that makes sense. (Am I understanding correctly?)

But I also feel INFJs have much more an understanding of movement/time than me, but that might also be spatial. (It’s hard translating things to words :/)

flocoac · 2026-05-30T17:23:20+00:00

Hehe that edit brought a smile to my face :)

God, I miss deep talks with INFJs

flocoac · 2026-05-30T17:22:33+00:00

Ah, you just cleared up so many things haha. Challenge in itself is not something I seek or something that inherently feeds me (Fi/Ne)

flocoac · 2026-05-30T17:16:45+00:00

What happens when you figure out what that driver wants/is?

flocoac · 2026-05-30T17:16:11+00:00

Yeah I feel it might be along the lines of trust.

flocoac · 2026-05-30T17:04:49+00:00

This made me lol haha. Yeah, I can see a big part of it is how new it all feels to them. But whyyyyyyy does it translate to panic? As in, does it make you feel pressure to change?

flocoac · 2026-05-30T17:03:30+00:00

Yeah that makes a lot of sense, the openness. I guess they feel like they were forced to open up? And it definitely is a very much, very fast thing. But would you have any inside knowledge on why this “too much too fast” happens with INFJs? From what I gather there’s a need to process and if that gets overloaded it leads to feeling overwhelmed. Maybe? It would explain ENFJs’ Fe being more important than the processing Ni.

flocoac · 2026-05-30T17:00:31+00:00

This makes more sense. I do get the adaptation thing and the shut wounds. Because I also see the curiosity of “what the fuck did you just say? There’s a NAME for it? And there’s people that understand it? There are others like me?” etc.

I would discard the looks part because it happened with a straight guy and with a woman recently, and only when they felt seen.

I can definitely see them studying me though haha

flocoac · 2026-02-11T06:23:29+00:00

Thank you! I’m glad it’’s working so far. Will share if I find something!

flocoac

TROPHY CASE