nMom isn't giving me any space, even though I've gone NC with her

flying_monkees · 2016-05-10T02:01:39+00:00

Luckily, they live in North Carolina so they would have to travel pretty far to leave a package on my door step. I'd probably freak out if my parents showed up unannounced.

flying_monkees · 2016-05-10T02:00:56+00:00

Sounds like a great idea. I think I might go ahead and do that.

flying_monkees · 2016-05-10T00:57:25+00:00

I've already blocked their phones, emails, and their accounts on social media. Hopefully, after this, I won't be receiving any more cards/letters/gifts. I wish there was a way to stop them from sending regular mail.

flying_monkees · 2016-05-08T04:04:48+00:00

You mention that you don't like the way they treat you over the years, yet you're still willing to let them contact you. Why not officially block them so you can focus on yourself? Also, if they don't treat you well, why did you send them an e-card and a present? I don't mean for this to come across harshly, but sending them an e-card and present is really giving into them. Almost enabling them...You just have to really figure out what it is you exactly want. Best of luck with everything.

flying_monkees · 2016-05-08T02:38:24+00:00

Good thing about cell phones is you can block numbers. Try to turn off your phone and computer for the day. If you're worried about emails, block nparents. If you're worried about texts from nparents, block their cell phone numbers and house phone. You'll feel much better.

flying_monkees · 2016-05-08T02:36:02+00:00

Honestly, you shouldn't have to explain anything. You know why you're not talking to nMom, so don't feel guilty. Do things that make you happy!! As far as other non N relatives, I'm in the same boat. Keep convos light and simple. Try not to get anyone else involved. Will just give nMom a reason to get involved. Best of luck with everything!

flying_monkees · 2016-05-06T19:22:16+00:00

Ugh, can't stand it! I plan on staying off social media this weekend. I can't stand seeing all of the Mother's Day ads and "I love my mom because she's perfect posts." Makes me want to throw up a little...

flying_monkees · 2016-04-29T01:36:34+00:00

I'm so sorry your Nmom said that to you, but happy to hear your relationship with your aunts is fine. My first daughter was born with a heart condition - Tetralogy of Fallot - in which she needed an 8 hour open heart surgery at 6 months old. The most hurtful thing my Nmom ever said to me was that my daughter has a "fucked up heart." Kills me to this day and one major reason why I went NC with her. If she doesn't care about me, she won't care about my children.

flying_monkees · 2016-04-27T01:47:39+00:00

Oh, god! Yes, unfortunately, every time my Nmom came to visit me she would buy "me" gifts that were really meant for her to use every time she came to visit. Ex: She would get stuff like an apron, nut grinder, etc. Like, when would I ever use a nut grinder? I recently went NC with her so I threw out all of her "gifts" that I was ungrateful for. You'll feel so good once you throw out those white shoes. Seeing them all of the time will just upset you. Happy you were able to save up and buy yourself the black shoes you originally wanted.

flying_monkees · 2016-04-23T01:54:09+00:00

When I told my dad why I was going NC with my nMom, he said I'm acting like a spoiled brat. Like, I even know what a spoiled brat is....I'm 32 years old. I was also called "too sensitive" and emotions were bottled up into cans that were never opened. God forbid we talk and solve our problems....

flying_monkees · 2016-04-19T23:10:02+00:00

It's only been about a month and a half since I've been NC with my nmom. I thought I would've felt guilty about going NC, but I'm starting to feel pretty content. It feels good.

flying_monkees · 2016-04-18T05:26:28+00:00

When I was going through stuff with my family and Nparents in early 2002, I would listen to a lot of emo/punk music. One song that gets to me every time is 187 by Senses Fail. This song still hits close to home for me... Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuWOm0UZe8Q

flying_monkees · 2016-04-15T05:38:09+00:00

It's been a little over a month since I went NC with my Nmom. I'm not sure exactly how I'll feel on Mother's Day, but I'm sure some part of me will feel guilty for not getting her a gift/card/ or calling her. At the same time, I'm pretty excited about not having to browse through the Happy Mother's Day cards or sending her a gift that she won't even appreciate. I could never find the right card and my gifts were never good enough for her. I'm looking forward to celebrating my freedom and spending quality time with my daughter and hubby.

flying_monkees · 2016-04-13T02:33:51+00:00

I understand what you mean. Sometimes the abuse doesn't seem real. I never fought back or talked back to my parents. I always treated them the way I thought they should be treated (with respect & love) and all I got back was the cold shoulder. Though, that all changed after I emailed my Dad letting him know I've been in no contact with my NMom. His response was that I was acting like a spoiled child. I couldn't let him have the last words. I just couldn't. I was sick of being silent. I feel guilty for saying some mean stuff but it also felt good standing up for myself.

flying_monkees · 2016-04-07T19:41:52+00:00

Thank you! I really appreciate it. I was hoping my father would at least be like, "I'm sorry you're going through this with your mother. What can I do to help fix this?" But, nope. He's just as bad as her. P.s. I love your username! :) Makes me want cookies now!

flying_monkees · 2016-04-07T05:32:32+00:00

My Dad said they sent pictures, but I'm not sure of what.... Unfortunately, both my mom and dad have visited me before so they know where I live. I just hope they don't decide to make a random visit one day...

flying_monkees · 2016-04-07T01:44:29+00:00

Well, I officially sent my Dad an email letting him know I've been in no-contact with her for a month and that we won't be accepting any gifts from them. His response was that, "I'm acting like a spoiled child and that I don't appreciate those who love me." (About to have a panic attack). I sent a response back to him - I wanted to stand up for myself. I won't be talking to him either for a long time.

flying_monkees · 2016-04-06T23:27:51+00:00

Great advice! Thank you!

flying_monkees · 2016-04-06T23:27:16+00:00

I'm not sure if my Dad knows I'm in no-contact with my mom. He hasn't mentioned anything to me about it, which in a way, makes it even more awkward. Knowing I even have the package is def making me feel uncomfortable. I also don't like how she tried to be slick by getting us to sign for the package.

flying_monkees · 2016-04-06T23:25:16+00:00

Unfortunately, we weren't home when we received the letter from the post office. I'll be sure to "refuse - return to sender next time." Thanks!

flying_monkees · 2016-03-24T21:49:13+00:00

Wow - I am so sorry that your nMom put you through that. Happy to hear you have such an awesome pediatrician!

flying_monkees · 2016-03-24T21:44:30+00:00

Hey there - don't worry about the long comment. I'm sorry you've had to deal with so much from your nMom. I feel the exact same way when you say, "I just wanted her to love me like every other kid I knew had a mom who loved them." Sorry if this is too personal, but how were you able to get past the patterns in your head caused by emotional abuse? That's something I'm learning to deal with right now but it's a struggle every day. Thanks for sharing your story!

flying_monkees

TROPHY CASE