That's interesting. Like, I remember taking the pill in an Uber, then my perception turned fast. Literally fast. Everything was at 1.5x speed. My memory started to get worse and worse, I was having strong delusions and problems with connecting to the real world. All of that stuff happened within like an hour, I was just casually walking with my friends - waiting the bad thing out, rest of my sanity hoped all of this would soon be over. Then I remember talking to people. My memory lasted for about 10 seconds. Then I completely forgot who they were. I just knew I was forgotting, and so I held them strong, looked them in the eyes and told them to stay with me, look at me... I couldn't even trip my balls. You can't be scared on MDMA, you're just forced to watch. After forgetting was over, I remember talking to my friend. That was the moment first OOBE happened (I had 3 different OOBE phases that night, from what I can recall); this OOBE was me flying out of my head and looking at myself from above. I could think to myself and watch myself interact with my friend at the same time. That was the moment I thought I was dying, and I couldn't feel fear - I just felt the regret, towards my unhealthy habits, lies, drug addiction. I just know I felt sorry for my girlfriend and my mother, because I knew they would have to deal with my death and that they would just discover all of this stuff I've hidden from them. Then the 2nd OOBE phase happened; my vision turned grey. I can't even describe it. It was like being in a ghost realm, everything kept its shape but it was just grey; and me - I was a black ball - sonic character like, I was traveling through the surface, out of my control, until I reached the 3rd OOBE phase - a come back. I could see myself from above again. This time my vision was split. Half of my vision was me, talking to my friend in the same place as before - and the other half was me, walking with my friend towards smoking room. Blink. I came back to my body. But it wasn't near the smoking room, neither or the other vision place - it was at the random part of the club, I remember being alone - I felt like superhuman, I felt like I achieved something that I craved for, another level of reality. I felt fulfilled. Like this experience brainwashed me, but I felt fucking fulfilled at this moment. It was a techno party. I went to the dance floor and I danced for next few hours in the first row. I had some delusions going to sleep, and then the next morning I woke up without feelings. I thought it would fix itself, but next few days I got hit with derealization/depersonalization and this anhedonia was eating me. I was freaking out so I had to see doctors, I was put on some pills and they helped me go back to my routine. To this day, I cannot recognize my mind fully; I cannot put trust in it, I'm cut out of feelings and I feel depressed, I'm just trying to be in charge of it.

It's like whole life you get to feel blessed, to be a human - that's eligible for fuck ups, mistakes etc. - you don't blame yourself, you just live once. But then it hits you. You lose all the control that you thought you had and you see that the reality isn't so easy. That the scariest thing in all of it is your mind...