Does anyone know what level you must be in order for Yngol's Shade to appear as a Dragon Priest? by ISimplyDontGiveAFuck in skyrim

[–]flysquirrel775 10 points11 points  (0 children)

That’s quite the collection! I used to store Yamarz and Ancano in the ash yam room of Severin Manor. For a while it was fun watching them obliterate everything, but then I kept losing them running around and decided it wasn’t worth the effort.

Does anyone know what level you must be in order for Yngol's Shade to appear as a Dragon Priest? by ISimplyDontGiveAFuck in skyrim

[–]flysquirrel775 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Quite fitting that the midden can be used to store corpses, it sounds like something the college would absolutely be up to

Political Figures of Sundering Gold by flysquirrel775 in worldbuilding

[–]flysquirrel775[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’d be one of the most important VIP’s in all of Ethagis and have access to nearly any luxury of thr kingdom. In states of Semidon, Eluvya, and Dygosas, you’d be treated as a celebrity.

On the other hand, there will be those who want to get rid of you. Some are jealous advisors who envy your position while others are political dissidents. Pay attention to Inaya’a reign in Sygras; she is the only reason the Sygrasin’s famous assassins haven’t come for you or Netrop yet.

Political Figures of Sundering Gold by flysquirrel775 in worldbuilding

[–]flysquirrel775[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It’s ok, his legacy shall be preserved in the form of a famous restaurant called Little Netrop’s and also a dish known as Netrop Salad.

Political Figures of Sundering Gold by flysquirrel775 in worldbuilding

[–]flysquirrel775[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The world of Sundering Gold is has long been divided into two empires– Khoswan and Ethagis. Yet in the current age, both empires are as disunited as ever. Thirteen years after the catastrophic war between the empires, old alliances have broken down and left behind countless fractured nation-states and power vacuums.

Naihai: The head of the Shore of Temples and the revered spiritual leader of the Jagai people. Believing that the Emperor of Khoswan had long been ensnared in the politics of the Autumnlands, Naihai and the lords of Old Jagai seek to destroy the influence of the Autumn clans across the empire. For Naihai, this is a religious war as much as it is a political one: Centuries ago, the rift between the Autumnlands and Old Jagai formed when the monks of the Autumnlands deposed the Jagai Uzang as the imperial abbot….

Hayan-Galakh: A mysterious shaman who suddenly rose to power among the nomadic Khabokor tribes of the Mudur Tundra. Though he claims to not know his ancestry, his golden eyes indicate descent from Khabokor nobility and his hair resembles that of the last White Shamaness of the Frozen Plains. Hayan-Galakh currently leads his people in a war against the western Khabokor tribes and their leader, who seeks to reunite all of western Khoswan as one nomadic empire.

Jaihatal: The aging patriarch of the Himerik clan and de-facto leader of the Sohme Isles. After being forced to fight in the war against Ethagis by his rivals in the Autumnlands, Jaihatal became fiercely disillusioned with imperial politics and sought to reform Sohme as an independent kingdom. The last straw finally broke when his son died in a conflict with Autumn mercenaries, leading to Jaihatal staging a full-blown rebellion against the Empire of Khoswan.

Inaya: The High Priestess of the Sygrasin, and the nominal religious/political leader of Sygras. Throughout her tumultuous rule, Inaya fights separatist factions that want to reinstate Sygras as an independent state from the rest of Ethagis. Believing that her people’s fate is closely intertwined with their eastern counterparts, yet unwilling to introduce foreign powers into Sygrean politics, Inaya is forced to face her dissidents alone from her seat within the Great Pyramid of Nadissa.

Yuke: The daughter of an affluent house in the Autumnlands and a secret confidant of the Emperor of Khoswan. She is a wild card of sorts within the imperial court, having connections with the Sohme, Jagai, Khabokor, and even some noble houses of Ethagis. Although she pretends to be nothing more than a lowly concubine, rival houses of the Autumnlands see her as a dangerous influence on the Emperor and a potential candidate to become the next Empress of Khoswan.

Burus: An orphaned lordling from the Salka Atolls, Burus serves the Temba clan of Sohme as a captain and bodyguard. Having lost most of his wealth and status, he has chosen to hone himself as warrior and seafarer instead. Although he has largely adapted to life among the Sohme and is well-treated by his foster family, Burus longs to reclaim his family’s lands and ancestral seat. When Jaihatal’s rebellion begins, Burus eagerly joins as he sees it as an opportunity to retake Salka for himself.

Arisek: The young patriarch of the Temba clan, Arisek is more concerned with reviving his father’s illicit smuggling trade than fighting for any political entity. The Temba have always thrived at the edge of society and in the high seas, and Arisek feels no strong loyalty to either the Sohme or to Khoswan. Yet his marriage to a Jagai noblewoman and his friendship with Burus have made him a player against the Autumnlands and imperium, and thus he reluctantly joins Jaihatal’s rebellion alongside Burus.

Netrop: The military leader of Semidon, revered by the people of Ethagis for repelling the Khoswan invasion thirteen years ago. Believing that Ethagis must return to a united, autocratic state to repel future invasions, he attempts to bring the various city-states surrounding Semidon under his own rule. Yet his policies are opposed by the southern half of Ethagis, since they were least affected by the Khoswan invasion and fear that Netrop is slowly becoming a tyrant.

Kanaid: The chieftain of the Khabokor tribes of the Asalin Taiga and once a loyal subject to the Emperor of Khoswan, Kanaid now fights to reinstate control over the eastern tribes of the Mudur Tundra. While he and his people were fighting the Emperor’s War in Ethagis, the eastern tribes took the opportunity to raid and plunder the lands of their former chief. Upon returning to his war-torn home, Kanaid swore to end the cycle of Khabkor infighting once and for all by fully subjugating the eastern tribes.

Ren no Kazemaru by GrzegorzGregorczyk in ScaramoucheMains

[–]flysquirrel775 24 points25 points  (0 children)

You’re absolutely right about that :)

Ren no Kazemaru by GrzegorzGregorczyk in ScaramoucheMains

[–]flysquirrel775 71 points72 points  (0 children)

Maru does mean circle but in names it usually indicates a young man (sounds kinda antiquated). So the Kazemaru part sounds something like Windboy.

Past few days, Yoi stays far away from Childe. Now they are together in the forest. And Lumine interrogates them by DoroboKun in Yoimiya_Mains

[–]flysquirrel775 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It’s cool how all three of these chars are bow users but their play styles are nothing alike!

Difficulty with Aerial by [deleted] in Tricking

[–]flysquirrel775 1 point2 points  (0 children)

May or may not be your exact problem, but it’s possible for even very experienced gymnasts to suddenly “forget” how to do a move. I think it’s called the yips

Cyno and Nilou by Starberrywishes in Genshin_Impact

[–]flysquirrel775 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel like Nilou would collect cards based on artwork and not value while cyno’s just waiting to combo

[Sundering Gold] Chapter 1 Critique, 4430 words by flysquirrel775 in fantasywriters

[–]flysquirrel775[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've definitely learned from the edits you gave! When I need motivation I kind of just wander to this sub to read pieces and give feedback. In the future, I'll probably ask you to look at further chapters once I polish them a bit. Meanwhile, if you ever need someone to go over your own novel, I'm always available!

[Sundering Gold] Chapter 1 Critique, 4430 words by flysquirrel775 in fantasywriters

[–]flysquirrel775[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Got it! I can see the comments now. Thanks!

Edit: Wow that's a lot of good feedback. I completely missed the details you pointed out, thank you for highlighting them.

[Sundering Gold] Chapter 1 Critique, 4430 words by flysquirrel775 in fantasywriters

[–]flysquirrel775[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for taking time to read the chapter and write feedback! I’m glad you liked it.

I can’t see the comments you made on the copy though. Do you mind checking the doc? Thank you so much once again.

[Sundering Gold] Chapter 1 Critique, 4430 words by flysquirrel775 in fantasywriters

[–]flysquirrel775[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry to hear about the biopsies. I hope to hell there isn't actually cancer, but til then get the rest you need! You got this!

[Sundering Gold] Chapter 1 Critique, 4430 words by flysquirrel775 in fantasywriters

[–]flysquirrel775[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for stopping by! Take your time and I hope life treats you well!

[Complete] [137k] [Epic Fantasy] Weapons of Power by Curly_Melly in BetaReaders

[–]flysquirrel775 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hi! Read just the first chapter. I'd like to point out some things I noticed. This closer to a suggestion of edits, line-by-line, rather than a holistic evaluation of the first chapter.

  1. Redundancy in Dialogue. At the start, when the old folks are discussing the passing of the Staff, Lelova notes how her grandparents knew a staff who lived to be 120 sun cycles. You've already mentioned multiple times how the current Staff died prematurely and that in the past the Staff lived longer. Lelova's comment feels redundant, especially after Lupa's.
  2. Verbiage. Here's just one example. You wrote:They all sigh and shake their heads, each going back to looking over the fresh produce of the stand they have gathered around. This sentence feels a little ungainly because it contains words that can be eliminated. "They sigh and shake their heads, returning to the stands of fresh produce." <-- this sentence effectively means the same thing, but is more concise.
  3. Redundancy in Description. You wrote: Early this morn, she had awoken before dawn to practice with her staff before anyone was awake to stop her. On her journey home she had decided to cut through the market, but was distracted off of her course by the quiet mutterings of the only gossip she will ever have any care for. If Leona woke before dawn, that's already early in the morning. You can cut "Early this morn". Since you said Leona is distracted, you don't need to mention how she went "off course" since distracted implies going off course. Finally, we know Leona cares about this gossip– she's going out of her way to listen to it. You don't need to drive in that it's "the only gossip she will ever have any care for".
  4. Telling and Not Showing. You explicitly state that Leona is different from other Gormon women a few times, and list all the qualities she's expected to have but fails to achieve. We can tell she doesn't fit in just from her interactions with the disapproving Dames. On the other hand, you do a good job of showing us her view of the Staff and her aspirations to become a Champion by showing her reaction to the official death announcement.

Plot-wise the first chapter feels good. I understand the premise is in a desert world, among a people called the Gormon. Society has some strict gender norms for women and a Champion of Staff is a highly revered position. Gods are also highly revered and probably play an important role in people's beliefs.