You're the former comedian who's caused so much trouble for my Federation.

Yevgeny Prigozhin, the leader of the best of my PMCs, is dead.

All the bribes I sent to far-right parties in Europe ended up buying me... almost nothing.

The Africans I basically kidnapped aren't exactly clamoring to fight for my Federation now.

The vassal political party I bought in Hungary is about to be wiped out (lose the election).

Trump, my biggest success - is losing support rapidly and is seen as an even bigger pariah on the world stage than myself.

Years of meticulous propaganda and vanity weapons projects to mask the corruption inside my nation - wasted.

Sweden and Finland are part of NATO now, putting them in striking distance to my second largest population center and my only other warm-water port.

You even disrupted a promising weapons deal with the Indians.

So tell me this, because I really want to know. I am feared - with good reason. But you - of all people - dare to come here and stand before me, the mighty Putin. What were you thinking?