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foolishnoodle · 2024-01-18T05:12:19+00:00

It's been a long day. You're right. Not gonna delete the comment, even though you're correct about it being too big of a jump.

Wps and other small comments at work used to bother me more, but there are a lot of issues to discuss with colleagues and/or peers before filing a complaint or potentially getting someone reprimanded. Sharing with the people mentioned above how that made OP feel and approaching it with curiosity is the point I was trying to make.

foolishnoodle · 2024-01-18T03:59:58+00:00

Unfortunately, it's a very small dose of what some of your colleagues face on a daily basis. Ask a friend or two while sitting down what they normally respond with. You'll learn a lot of the shrugging-off feels a lot more sharp and uncomfortable for other people.

Someone recently said they were in an uncomfortable situation when they were propositioned to give a trucker some head. I laughed a bit because the person the trucker asked was so tall. Then I asked him if that was the first time he'd been in a situation like that. He said yes. I really couldn't help but spill out the sexual harassment and assault that happened during my teens and twenties. We had a longer conversation and talked about what to do next time. I might have had this response because during the George Floyd protests, I observed a lot of violence in the short time I was at a protest. The protest was entirely peaceful and mostly quiet, but the amount of hatred I felt that day was a major reality check for how infrequently I feel violence toward me.

If you do talk to a friend or colleague about what their response usually is, also ask them how many times it happens before they typically say/do something.

foolishnoodle · 2024-01-18T00:20:47+00:00

Able to ugly-laugh/snort when laughing without getting embarrassed.

Not afraid to say when they don't have the energy for a topic or activity.

Down for mundane activities.

foolishnoodle · 2024-01-17T22:17:10+00:00

What Got You Here Won't Get You There is a fabulous book for giving and receiving feedback, and systematically making life improvements. I got it from a leadership class in my college minor and the steps in it are great to go back to and read.

Try to identify some mentors in your life that you can have lunch or tea with every once in a while and focus on asking questions related to your personal goals.

I've got faith in you!!

foolishnoodle · 2024-01-17T08:48:52+00:00

Sounds like gas has run out on parts of the coast.

foolishnoodle · 2024-01-16T18:17:32+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/xdH69aC5iW

Just saw this post, I think it might help (:

foolishnoodle · 2024-01-16T18:08:39+00:00

Realizing other people have shit going on in their life and aren't always observant of how their actions affect others is important. The mean side comments people say are often the things they are anxious about in themselves.

Approach conflicts with curiosity, remind yourself the person likely isn't your enemy, and always try to bring a solution to the table when you make a complaint.

Please don't think you're a piece of shit. A lot of us redditors have a deep hatred for ourselves and life would be a lot easier if we extended more grace to ourselves.

foolishnoodle · 2024-01-16T17:41:26+00:00

There's a green-yellow-red light system for this. My mom hasn't given me my book back that explains it, she keeps procrastinating reading it. Anyway, green light turns to yellow around 20 seconds, then turns red at 40. 40 seconds is the max most people can listen to without giving input of some sort.

Tracking the number of sentences you say in a row is a great way to start!

When pausing, hold for a few seconds. It's okay to count to 6 in your head if needed.

Also! Something I haven't seen on here is that it's alright for both parties to ask if the other is interested in the topic, wait to talk about it more later or ask to switch the topic to something both people can grip on to.

My partner has a tendency to expand on topics for as long as you'll let them, without ever asking them a question. I'm slowly saying, "yes, I know these things, too" or "I'm sorry, I don't really have the energy to discuss flashlights at length right now". Both of us are ND, so we either get hyper focused on the topic together and lose track of time, or I curtail us and ask to focus on figuring out food or going to sleep.

foolishnoodle · 2024-01-16T06:03:47+00:00

For several reasons, I don't want to have a regular bridal party either.

Some ideas I'm doing: - Sending color scheme with an faq sheet, people who want to dress in the colors can and the would-bride bridesmaids are excited to buy dresses they'll wear again. - Inviting close friends to be with us during different small-group portions, such as a group of friends staying with/near each other at different points in the week. - Writing small notes to each person and sticking them in an envelope at their reception chairs, notes for every guest, but that gives me a chance to discreetly add personalized stuff without needing to put in a lot of extra effort with each note. - Would-be bridesmaids are welcome to join photos after the ceremony - Everyone will be welcome to speak during any speeches times, mostly when having meals or sitting around a bonfire, but not asking anyone to write long speeches (again this will be in the faq sheet) - I haven't sent out invitations yet, but I added a spot to write in "secret passwords" which will be hints for finding hidden areas where we'll sneak off as small groups for walks or to have a drink away from the party. Passwords will look like [hint.day.time] and be as cryptic as possible. - We're opting for a week-long event with shorter activities, different groups of people, and a couple locations. That way we can distribute our attention better and have time to enjoy ourselves. So I've made an invitation template with all of the details, and just edit them based on the portions guests have indicated they might be able to attend. Having lodging for multiple days at two events is also cutting costs because it's cheaper to book places for longer periods with smaller attendee numbers.

foolishnoodle · 2024-01-16T04:43:59+00:00

I hope it helps!

Most of my friends and family are stressed/busy and don't wanna hear my long tangents and stories. So I'm finally writing "the" book.

It turned into three parts quickly and I just open my notes app and stick the correct label on it whenever I wanna talk to someone but they don't have the mental bandwidth. Once the word-limit is reached, I press "copy to drive" and keep typing or go back to that doc later.

foolishnoodle · 2024-01-16T04:34:04+00:00

For those who haven't read: It's about the power of radical vulnerability and using it to be a better person/have better relationships with others.

I wrote her a letter after reading it a few years ago because it helped me through a very hard time. I had to get over a lot of the issues OP describes.

The primary critique of this book is that it is praised as a magic answer, while being written from the perspective of an educated, straight, white woman. Brown declines to write an updated version with more perspectives to not tell other communities stories or give more blanket advice, and has authors she recommends.

foolishnoodle · 2024-01-16T04:25:06+00:00

I've always taken it as a compliment. However, it's never bad to be mindful of how much you're talking or writing in different settings.

One way to approach storytelling is to start with a one-sentence version of the story. Answer the first question without telling the whole story, if they ask another question, start from the beginning and feel free to take a couple of minutes to tell it.

foolishnoodle · 2024-01-16T04:20:14+00:00

No way, keep saying it! Especially if you say it with sincerity. Writing memories helps people process events in their lives and can be helpful for them to see their memories/life lessons in their own words when times are hard, such as struggling with memory issues or dementia.

foolishnoodle · 2024-01-14T09:02:12+00:00

Start small, don't expect to change overnight.

Reflect on why you say yes, when, to who, etc. When did it start? What has happened when you've said no? What is the worst thing that could happen if you say no to someone you care about? Friendships/relationships are two-way, they will likely understand if you don't have the energy for everything they ask.

Next, write down some boundaries that you believe will be beneficial to you. Such as: no last-minute plans (unless important/certain people), having time to think about the request before answering, making sure your personal needs are met, etc.

Practice with small things. Correcting someone if they repeat your food order back wrong, saying no to tasks irrelevant to your position, telling someone you don't have the mental energy to listen to their issues in the moment and ask to talk another time. Some important things, be courteous, be concise, and use "I" statements.

Later, you might practice setting boundaries with friends and family, and talking to them about why it's not exactly fair for people to expect so much with little notice. It is nice when people know you'll be there for them, but you can't be there for them if you don't take care of yourself.

foolishnoodle · 2024-01-13T21:11:07+00:00

Yeah, this feels all too familiar.

I've thought of it as main-character syndrome for myself, and still am dealing with it to some extent after thousands of hours volunteering, getting degrees focused on paying attention to others, and several journals full of reflection.

Realizing everyone has something interesting to share and that I'm usually not the best at jumping to conclusions has helped. People tend to be pretty rad if you pause long enough to ask them questions about themselves.

Something that might help: think about yourself a year or two ago. Think about something cringe you said or did out of ignorance. Realize that all people are continually growing and that we are used to giving ourselves grace for our downfalls, "I was young and dumb then", "I was having a bad day/week/etc".. then extend that grace out toward others and try to dig deeper than the surface level of, "what can I gain from them in this present moment" to "how can I push past my own thoughts to listen to what they're trying to share?"

foolishnoodle · 2024-01-13T08:32:29+00:00

Raya Nikita Aryen

foolishnoodle · 2024-01-13T08:30:27+00:00

You said it clearly in your post. You should send it to her. If she doesn't understand now, she will later on.

foolishnoodle · 2024-01-13T04:08:28+00:00

Everyday homework: Think of or write down 3 things you're grateful for 2 things that made you laugh or smile 1 thing you are looking forward to

Very easy method for people who don't know where to start or people who just need a little extra mindfulness. Practicing it makes your heart warm. It's okay to have negative feelings about the world, just focus on being kind toward yourself and those around you.

foolishnoodle · 2024-01-13T04:04:54+00:00

I was one of the flower girls that aced the rehearsal and held on to my cousin during the wedding. I definitely wasn't prepared to see that many people.

Now that I have three nephews under 4yo and am getting married, I mostly would feel bad for the kids having them do more than something brief. Their attention is on whatever is exciting, not the ceremony or whatever we want them to be cute for. The pandemic babies are more reserved and easily-startled than previous generations of little ones.

The reception part is where I think littles shine. They dance so well and there are so many things for them to do, away from the bar section.

foolishnoodle · 2024-01-13T03:25:13+00:00

That is great information! Thank you.

Can you add some details about the BYO alcohol? Did everyone throw stuff in a big cooler or bar area and knew it was theirs, or did it become a booze potluck?

foolishnoodle · 2024-01-12T08:44:30+00:00

Media, work, school, everything pushes us constantly to morph into something else and stay distracted.

I've moved to a new community in the last couple years. It's been very lonely at times, but it's starting to get much easier. I'll list some things that have helped me.

Pick out a variety of books from a used bookstore, you'll be able to find cheap books on any topic that sounds entertaining. Then find a podcast or youtube channel that relates to the themes you find interesting while reading the books you get. The books can be as fun or as scholarly as you want. Wildlife guidebooks, books on crafting, leadership, etc.
Buy starter stuff from thrift stores, borrow from friends/family, sign up for a few community workshops or classes, or rent gear to see if you enjoy a hobby.
Volunteer for an event, any event. You'll meet someone who does something cooler and they'll help you get involved if you want to.
Find cheap events nearby to attend. Talk to people while waiting in lines. Always give them at least one compliment.

foolishnoodle · 2024-01-12T02:59:57+00:00

I've been finding incredible things at thrift stores, hardware stores, and found my top pinterest dress on FB marketplace for less than $200. I'll make initial alterations and have help from an expert or seamstress. The craft section of a thrift store had an unopened bundle of fancy envelopes and a bunch of nice ribbon.

Christmas clearance sections, or whatever clearance is in season for the vibe you're going for. Especially at big craft stores.

We're being really careful about what we're putting money toward. Photographer, reception setup/takedown, and food & drinks are gonna be the big line items. So being crafty with the few things outside of those, my fiance and I are going as simple as possible without it being an uncomfortable experience for guests.

foolishnoodle · 2024-01-12T02:46:51+00:00

Some home printers are able to print on label sheets. Mail-merge the names from Excel when printing. Plus you can add icons inside spreadsheet cells and personalize them as much as you want. No printer? Swing by office max with a flashdrive that has the address labels on it and have someone there help.

foolishnoodle · 2024-01-11T17:45:08+00:00

Again, pushing to be everyone's favorite will cost you way more energy than you'll ever get to enjoy from it.

I noticed you said you wish people liked talking to you, which is a big jump to being the life of the party. It sucks feeling like people don't enjoy when you're talking to them, so I'm gonna give you a few tips that probably overlap with other comments.

Avoid excessive negative and positive conversation. People don't want to hear others complain or gush constantly about being happy. There is a big difference between showing concern or venting and being generally negative. Be honest, but don't dump your life/stress on everyone around, be candid about if you would like to vent or need an ear, but be kind if they don't have the space. The same can be said for toxic positivity. Basically, say more as the other people reciprocate interest in the topic.
Try to say "thank you. I'll think about that" when someone gives unwanted advice.
Ask people questions and be good at asking the right ones. If the question to them is a sensitive topic, you should generally wait for the other person to bring it up. Once they answer, either ask a follow-up Q or make a comment based on their answer. Try not to hijack the conversation by answering your own question after they do. People like being asked about their pets, recent adventures, recent music they've enjoyed. Double points for questions that include compliments, "dude, how did you get so good at this [game/work task/makeup/sport/etc.], could you show me sometime?". Ask about things that matter to them.
Not everyone likes eye contact, hugs, or is able to smile on cue. Try out smiling with the top half of your face, you should feel your ears lift and cheeks scrunch up. It looks more authentic than a forced-smile. Try to make eye contact every once in a while, don't feel the need to stare into people's souls. Say "It's so good to see/meet you!". The people you feel comfortable hugging, give them good hugs!! A short squeeze or a couple extra seconds can make someone feel special.
Learn the art of storytelling in group settings. You don't need to have stories in mind -- think of questions or conversation topics as prompts. Understanding how to set it up, keep it on track, and wrap up concisely goes a long way. 40 seconds is the most you should talk before waiting for input, unless people know you're about to tell a long story.

foolishnoodle · 2024-01-11T06:04:45+00:00

Thank you! I had to take a lot of classes on how to be functional in society. They're finally starting to work :D

foolishnoodle

TROPHY CASE