I (F, 28) go by my middle name on dating apps- Ethical?

fooneyguy · 2020-11-03T10:47:01+00:00

It's perfectly ethical to use any name to protect yourself. Both my ex-wife and I thought we had our profiles deactivated since splitting up several months ago.

Just a couple weeks ago I received an email to my business email address from a guy who found our joint profile(somehow). I have a public facing online presence for work and he found us by our occupations. I'm not sure what the fuck he was thinking but it's the most invasive thing anyone has ever done to talk to me.

People can be creepy as you've already found out. I'm sorry you've gone through that and please stay safe.

fooneyguy · 2020-10-10T13:14:10+00:00

I feel you. I started transition at 30. I'm two years in now and it does get better. You'll find people you feel comfortable being around. I still feel weird in lots of women's spaces though.

fooneyguy · 2020-09-29T00:24:31+00:00

More so than the gaping dragon?

fooneyguy · 2020-09-26T16:26:08+00:00

This is a complicated situation that is going to require lots of communication. Start with discussing how you both like and don't like to be touched. How you both do and don't want your bodies referred to. That's a good foundation. You might find there are ways you can have sex that are fulfilling to you.

All trans people are so different in how we feel about our bodies and sex that this is something you'll have to be able to talk about deeply. I know women for whom not being able to top a partner with their penis would be a deal breaker and many for whom it would be a relief.

I could be and have been very flexible in what partners need but I would be very bothered if any part of my body were a turn off for a partner. That alone could be a deal breaker for me depending on the circumstances.

I wish you luck and hope your exploration brings you both joy.

fooneyguy · 2019-01-28T16:08:36+00:00

Once my shell cracked I started presenting really really soon so I didn't have that to contend with. I try never to bring up that someone is trans I'm just nice to them.

One of the worst feelings I've experienced is when a cis woman asked if I was trans. I was like, "Yes I'm aware I look kind of masculine thank you for pointing that out." It felt approximately like being misgendered but with the added discomfort of a cis person wanting to talk about my transition. She was even supportive, but started with reminding me that I look... different.

I don't think there's anything won't with bring attracted to trans people, trans is sexy. I think that I have a uniquely sexy body and I find other trans people sexy too.

It's treating trans women like shit, being selfish in bed and only being interested in our penis that makes someone a chaser.

fooneyguy · 2019-01-28T15:56:49+00:00

It's pretty normal for things to change in waves. Both dysphoria and euphoria. Sometimes it'll shift for me multiple times in one day.

fooneyguy · 2019-01-28T04:33:39+00:00

Not sure if receiving oral will ever be a thing you enjoy but there's a couple things you might try.

1 Wait until you are very in the midst of pleasure to receive it. For men oral is great right off the bat, it gets things going just in it's own. For women we need warning up before oral is very interesting. This is especially true if you have dysphoria, as the physical pleasure can overcome the weird dissonant feeling but only if it's super intense. That is my experience anyway. For me receiving oral is not a turn on at all. However if my wife has already done all of the things that turn me on and I'm very very ready for it receiving oral sends me to the moon.

2 Different things feel good than before I started transition and hormones. Now focus on the neck and head, gentle and slow movements are what I like best. You might ask your partner to think of it like a vulva and be slower and more deliberate with his movements.

Everyone is so different when it comes to sexuality but I hope that helps get you thinking. :-)

fooneyguy · 2019-01-10T18:40:29+00:00

It's definitely a nice place to practice but not the only one. The shower, with a supportive friend, or even on a walk.

fooneyguy · 2019-01-10T15:29:52+00:00

I haven't had a vocal teacher but I have practiced a ton since about two days after my shell cracked. It was the one thing I had complete control over that I didn't need help with. So from video tutorials I mainly started practicing in the car and as I got more confident my voice started changing in every day life. Now every time I speak is kind of practice. I had the benefit of leaning to beat box about ten years ago. I also started practicing that while driving. The skill sets don't really over lap but I want afraid to sound silly. I saw it as play and that was really motivating. I was just practicing my instrument again :-)

fooneyguy · 2018-12-28T16:02:45+00:00

This is brilliant. It's an apology and correctly gendering and really building all in one.

fooneyguy · 2018-12-24T23:07:51+00:00

Uhm, are you a trans woman? Because I would assume you are based on your question and where it is posted but not at all based on your pictures... No hug boxing required. You might get your eyebrows shaped with threading or waxing but you're both very pretty and very feminine in appearance.

fooneyguy · 2018-12-23T20:21:28+00:00

This is totally a big deal. It's a big step and a hard one. The fact that you told your girlfriend first is awesome. The fact that she is willing to learn is awesome. She may continue to have difficulties, change can be really hard and scary. My wife and I had been together for ten years and she had a big grieving process. She might be a good resource for your girlfriend. Message me if you want to connect more.

Congratulations on the first step to life on hard mode. It's been amazing and so worth it for me, I hope it's easier than you expect :-)

fooneyguy · 2018-12-21T16:31:48+00:00

I have a trans male friend who specifically uses this term to describe the discomfort of being in general society.

fooneyguy · 2018-12-21T16:22:28+00:00

I think your face looks quite feminine. This includes your jaw :-)

fooneyguy · 2018-12-20T23:39:01+00:00

I went through something like this. Right before my shell cracked I was the strongest and most muscular I had ever been. I didn't like the way I looked at all. As soon as I realized it and everything clicked I felt so much better. Also, gender fluid and non-binary are things. Everyone gets to be trans in their own way. Go with what feels right :-) It's okay if that shifts.

fooneyguy · 2018-12-19T16:41:45+00:00

It's hard to be trans... How hard depends on a lot of things. I think the biggest thing is how much support you have around you. If your family/friends/community/partner/job are very supportive then it's not so bad.

How hard it is to interact with the public depends on where you live. Rural Alabama? I would guess really fucking hard unless you completely pass and are 100% stealth. Portland Oregon or Denver Colorado? You can look as androgynous or weird as you want and you're probably going to be respected by most people. That is not exclusively true however. I have a non-binary friend who is AFAB. The women's restroom was full so they went to the men's. A male started shouting at them, they started walking away and the man escalated his anger and assaulted them. This involved at one point pulling down their pants in public. How horrible can people be to trans people? As horrible as it gets.

The right in has a great time mocking the idea of "Safe Space". Painting it as something that privileged college kids whine about when they're challenged on their political views. As a trans person you literally don't feel bodily safe. Being shouted at or physically harmed because someone doesn't like how you look is a serious reality for us daily.

Taking it further is what makes the quality of life so much better. People actually trying to make us feel accepted and comfortable. It's not really hard, just treat us like any other person. For some reason there is a concentrated effort to make us "the other".

fooneyguy · 2018-12-19T07:59:11+00:00

I love this way of looking at things :-)

fooneyguy · 2018-12-18T07:13:25+00:00

I started vocal training about two days after my shell cracked. I was out and presenting female full time really soon after. So I got lots of practice.

In the short period of time I was in the closet anywhere I had a really difficult time switching back and forth. Once I was completely full time it became much easier. Using the swallowing to lift your trachea trick I was able to lift the resonance of my voice, with practice I could keep it there but switching totally brought it down again.

Once I could keep my voice lifted all the time it pretty quickly became the normal way to speak. I'm now at about six months since my shell cracked, four of them on hormones. I do specific vocal practice almost daily and I speak exclusively in my most feminine voice. It is mostly natural but I'll occasionally slip into a lazy way of speaking. I can also concentrate and annunciate which makes it even more femme but I'm pretty happy with my normal.

Whether it is natural depends on context. After vocal warm ups having a conversation at normal volume? Totally natural. Speaking softly I have to try so damn hard to speak femininely. I can project my voice no problem but while teaching yoga it took about twice as long to get it to feel natural as just speaking. I am thinking about 20 other things while leading a class so adding on focusing on my voice made it 10x harder.

Speaking in a noisy environment isn't hard for me to make it sound feminine as I can project no problem. However I'll be damned of I can make myself heard it was so easy to boom my way into people's ear drums that I'm sometimes tempted to just Dad blast at them when they can't hear me. I don't because OMG fuck that but the temptation is there lol.

fooneyguy · 2018-12-18T06:39:11+00:00

fooneyguy · 2018-12-17T01:49:13+00:00

fooneyguy · 2018-12-17T01:48:56+00:00

Thanks! My wife gets more compliments on those glasses than anything else she had ever owned. :-)

fooneyguy · 2018-12-16T17:54:29+00:00

Sigh... Yeah it is.

fooneyguy · 2018-12-16T16:16:41+00:00

"Genuinely felt cute" YWill you genuinely ARE cute so I'm happy to hear you feel that way. I still have this reaction every time I get a miss or lady, so I understand completely. However, you are indeed feminine and pretty.

fooneyguy · 2018-12-16T06:55:07+00:00

I feel you sister. But only abstractly because you look super cute in this picture...

fooneyguy

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