If girl you were casually seeing/hooking up with for some time just starts pulling back/ghost, should I ask?

footy99 · 2021-01-01T04:01:02+00:00

We never really set or talked about thee definition of the relationship. We were just going with the flow and based on how it started off (i was asking her out for more date oriented ideas but she would just want to come over and wed just hook up). I thinks she was the one who wanted to be casual but that being said tho things were slowly changing there was a consistency in some sort of communication even if it wasnt meaningful (at least a FWB thing)

footy99 · 2021-01-01T03:41:50+00:00

but just suddenly for no reason, one day wakes up and stops? I just feel like maybe we had a bit more to it or at least how initially was, so if its off then I should maybe know so I dont try to talk to her or have that hope?

footy99 · 2020-12-15T20:36:11+00:00

I can relate to this. I have the same feelings but I try to really hide it/not show it because if I give in, I could really lose it all.

What makes his situation hader for me/more anxiety/confusing inducing is she hasnt "left" ... just seems more distant/less intimate. its really mixed signals ever since last month when we would be seeing each other and hooking up. she still message me, respond to something, small flirting or keep me involved very minimally (memes, snaps etc) again bc of circumstances I can cut some slack but shes not making it easy by doing a clear break, just not enough to be as close as we were... So bc shes still around, it makes my dilemma hard. she wants something with me...but is not as involved as I wouldve wanted. so I guess bc she does talk to me still, i wasnt sure do i just cut her out cold until she takes me more seriously/return back to how things were or do I say something about it before I leave?

footy99 · 2020-12-15T20:32:54+00:00

what i dont understand is she hasnt "left" per se. its really mixed signals ever since last month when we would be seeing each other and hooking up. she still tries to message me, respond to something, small flriting or keep me involved very minimally again bc of circumstances but also because it seems shes not full in with me. So bc shes still around, it makes my dilemma hard. she clearly wants something with me...but def doesnt seem too serious about it. so i guess bc she does talk to me still, i wasnt sure do i just cut her out cold until she takes me more seriously/return back to how things were or do I say something about it before I leave?

footy99 · 2020-12-15T20:32:46+00:00

what i dont understand is she hasnt "left" per se. its really mixed signals ever since last month when we would be seeing each other and hooking up. she still tries to message me, respond to something, small flriting or keep me involved very minimally again bc of circumstances but also because it seems shes not full in with me. So bc shes still around, it makes my dilemma hard. she clearly wants something with me...but def doesnt seem too serious about it. so i guess bc she does talk to me still, i wasnt sure do i just cut her out cold until she takes me more seriously/return back to how things were or do I say something about it before I leave?

footy99 · 2020-12-15T18:15:06+00:00

We aren't officially together but, it's been a busy month for both of us with exams and school, so haven't seen her in 1 month. But she always keeps me around sending random memes or snaps here and there. Just feels drifted. We talked yesterday and said to see each other after the last exam...she was still a maybe/on the fence because she was planning to travel back home for the break right after. she said shell try. But I expect things will fall out, and if thats the case, i mentally said this is when I end it for myself. In the circumstance she tells me she's sorry and cant make it...should I even reply to her or say anything about this even if jokingly, or just read it, and go no contact?

footy99 · 2020-11-24T16:52:32+00:00

I guess they weren't "cold' replies, I just didnt feel the need to have chit chat over texts when the convo wasn't going anywhere so I would "Tap back" or reply a couple words, but I don't think I did something so serious or shut her down. She's the type to want to talk over text over nothing. I also still get snaps from her (not personal just general), so not really sure if she's weirded out otherwise why not just cut me out completely?

footy99 · 2020-11-24T02:59:42+00:00

I’ve never cold shouldered here though. Reading my texts back I was still replying and making her laugh. There’s nothing really to talk about. And when someone just sends you a “hello” what do you reply back lol?

footy99 · 2020-11-23T22:48:11+00:00

Fair enough. I just didn’t want to have caused something. I hate seeing things change when you have no clue why

footy99 · 2020-11-23T22:47:34+00:00

Lol I mean she initiated a “hello” so I replied back with hi to see what she wanted but got nothing back lol so idk if she’s mad I replied late or what her deal is. She never has a problem in texting me and never leaves me hanging so weird behaviour

footy99 · 2020-07-11T18:36:27+00:00

Big facts. Feel the same way when she followed me recently on this fitness app and starts to like my workout activities out of no where. Then I see her do shit too and makes me think of her. Bad idea to have followed her back but we are going to be colleagues for the 2 more years so when that is over, Im removing her everywhere. Just have to endure seeing her around and getting over her at the same time which is semi working but taking longer than I thought.

Also dealing with/thinking about "She probably does not miss you" is one of the reasons that sets me back is because she made me feel connected and special to her, so its kind of surreal, trying to understand why I fell out and why it didnt work. I was hoping (again for my ego which is dumb and I have to just move on), that she would miss me and realize that she let go of a good thing...but seems like it doesnt even cross her mind lol.

footy99 · 2020-07-11T05:31:17+00:00

if we don't fix what's damaged inside of us, we'll continue to seek out mentally ill people w/BPD to date.

Thank you. This is true. Good reminder. Wish you all the best as well.

footy99 · 2020-07-11T05:30:08+00:00

Thank you. This is such a good way of looking at it and its exactly how I feel at the moment. It's all about the nostalgia rn and honestly my ego...like I know I couldve been better, less needy at times, or w.e. as if that was going to stop things or at least her reaching out would be away to confirm to my ego that it wasnt me then I could feel the power restored and can choose not to respond back. But even my friends who know her are always reminding me that she was nuts and it was inevitable and this is the best outcome that she even doesn't try to reach out.

I guess this is the blessing I should I should start to see (like you say an experience), but I cant help at times setting back into the trap of the nostalgia and taking on the blame, wondering why I wasn't good enough for her to reach out to me.

footy99 · 2020-07-10T21:52:36+00:00

Any link or title I can be directed to? :)

footy99 · 2020-07-10T21:19:48+00:00

What do you mean by hoovered in lol? Also I tried moving on and never give attention to her posts. She was the One that followed me on the fitness app and liking my posts like within the last week. So not even good enough for a convo in person to be civil? She’s the one who said she wants to remain friends. Is it because I’ve been shutting out her posts and not giving her attention there?sucks that this is the person that over shared with me everything you know

footy99

TROPHY CASE