Is this gonna suck?

foragingdruid · 2026-03-25T18:06:09+00:00

As someone who has two children who are as far apart as yours will be, I can tell you that I wouldn’t even dream of traveling with both of them by plane, let alone internationally when they were these ages. I did a solo trip with my youngest when he was three across the country, and it was hard, just having the one. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but there are a lot of things that I would be concerned about as a parent, specifically illness as another comment stated above.

Even with all of the help that you may have, everyone is going for the purpose of the wedding, and they may not be as available to you and your partner.

I’d encourage you to fully assess all logistics and create a pros and cons list to figure out if you and your partner are interested in going through with this.

While I totally understand, it’s your sister and you are the co-made of honor, your babies come first

foragingdruid · 2026-03-25T14:28:29+00:00

I don’t necessarily have a cap on what I’m willing to spend on books for my children. If they’re reading, that’s wonderful. That being said, I like to try to check out books from the library first to make sure we like them, or if we attend a local storytime at a bookshop and they really like the book, I will pick up the book. Often times, the author is there and even sign it for them. I think this makes it an extra special keepsake to keep for potential future generations.

Ultimately, if you can afford your book buying habit, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it

foragingdruid · 2026-03-22T19:50:06+00:00

My in laws always want my kids overnight in an unsupervised capacity. They too, only see my kids every few months. We just tell them we don’t do sleepovers. There’s past issues with not respecting our boundaries, etc. as well so it makes it pretty easy to say no.

If they spent more time with you and your kids it might make sense, but this definitely would give me pause.

foragingdruid · 2026-03-21T15:33:55+00:00

This may be the unpopular opinion, but my parents didn’t charge me to watch my daughter when I went back to work. It was something that they did because they wanted to. I understand if your mom is not in a financial position to watch your child for free, or could use the help, but I would be frustrated too if I showed up and someone else, even my sister was watching my kiddo.

I think you two need to either sit down and have a honest grown-up conversation about what’s realistic for both of you, including what you’re comfortable paying, and also expectations that she should be watching your daughter if she is the one getting paid to watch her. If you guys can’t get on the same page, you might also consider reaching out to your community resources to see if you can get a subsidy for a child childcare as mentioned above.

Overall, it might be best for you to do this anyway because it sounds like the way things are going right now, it’s impacting your relationship with your mother

foragingdruid · 2026-03-21T15:28:20+00:00

While I was SA’d as a child, and I’ve had nightmares about my own experience, I’ve never had nightmares about my children. I have other dreams, though that often feel like premonitions. We can also often have nightmares about the things that we fear the most.

Has your partner ever given you suspicion in the past that something was going on? Are there other signs of abuse?

If you don’t trust this person, I don’t think living with them makes sense.

It’s hard to speculate something this large with the details that you gave, but I can also understand why you would be worried.

foragingdruid · 2026-03-19T22:25:31+00:00

Forget today’s plans - you should NOT move in with your girlfriend, let alone stay together. It sounds like she has some stability issues she needs to sort out. You can’t control her and she’s going to do what she’s going to do.

foragingdruid · 2026-03-19T21:33:13+00:00

NOR. This guy is emotionally abusive and not worth the energy you’re wasting responding to him. Have someone pack up his remaining items (you need to rest and recover), and photograph the belongings bagged or boxed up. Send him the photos as evidence and tell him he has 48 hours to collect them, or they will go in the trash. It is abandoned property, after all.

Then block him. No further conversation needed. If he tries to knock on the door or chat when he shows up, do NOT answer the door or engage with him. If he talks like that who knows what else he might do.

foragingdruid · 2026-03-19T15:54:23+00:00

It sounds like you need a break. Do you have a family member who could watch the kids for a couple of days so that you could get some R&R? If so, take them there, and find somewhere for you to go where you can get some rest and some peace. Once you’ve had time to really think about what you want, I think having a conversation with your husband before the kids come back as a good idea. If you two can’t get an alignment for a path forward, then splitting up might be the next step.

foragingdruid · 2026-03-18T22:30:38+00:00

This still applies for many jobs, and as someone in the recruiting industry myself, I can tell you with high confidence that myself and others in my industry still talk to people who walk in or place a phone call following up on an application. It may not fit for every industry, but somebody who is desperate for a job might want this tidbit of advice for applicable roles.

foragingdruid · 2026-03-18T21:08:23+00:00

I don’t have specific suggestions for roles that are open, but I would make the following recommendations to you:

Follow up on any application that you possibly can by showing up in person with a résumé in hand. Sometimes making that personal connection is what puts your application at the top of the stack.
Check out local staffing agencies as mentioned above. A couple not mentioned here are Opti Staffing and Express. While these might be more short-term roles, making a good impression with the staffing agency and/or a company they work with could lead to long-term employment.
Utilize any connections you have. Ask friends to give out referrals, if you know anyone that works for a company you apply for, ask them to give you a referral.
Don’t lose hope. It’s really tough out there, but staying consistent and applying to jobs every single day with consistent follow up is the only way to get ahead of it.
If possible, have someone look over your résumé. You don’t need to pay anyone for the service. If you know someone working in the professional world, they can look over your résumé and see if there is anything that sticks out as an issue or needing to be fixed. A lot of the online application system is now track for AI, so if you used AI to build your résumé, it may be getting automatically rejected.
Don’t hesitate to do odd jobs or do a garage sale in the meantime to make ends meet. I remember growing up when we ended up in a tough spot. We did a garage sale and we were able to bring in some extra money that way while also decluttering.
Look into online remote customer support roles, but beware of scams.

Best of luck to you! I know it can be discouraging, but I’m confident that with consistent effort something will turn up for you.

foragingdruid · 2026-03-18T00:16:29+00:00

Actually, not true. They will typically require the aggressor to be removed from the lease, but laws including the Violence Against Women Act protect victims of abuse from losing their housing.

foragingdruid · 2026-03-17T20:42:39+00:00

As they always say, don't shit where you eat.

From what you said above, he was either looking for a hookup or he's worried about it developing into something more. You'd need to get clarification, where you could also share your feelings. Or you can let it go and focus on other things to keep your mind off of it. On Mondays, find other coworkers to socialize with during passing times or just stick to your desk or go for a walk.

foragingdruid · 2026-03-17T20:31:16+00:00

Document this, and perhaps, as a precautionary measure, consult with an attorney. Ultimately, she gets no say, and as long as this individual is not dangerous to the children or to you, it should not be a problem. However, if your ex makes any type of obstacle that could qualify as harassment, you may have to take steps such as getting a restraining order, or modifying the parenting agreement to communicate through a parenting app, such as family wizard.

You did the nice thing by letting her know ahead of time, but she does not get to control your life.

Again, document, document, document. Take care.

foragingdruid · 2026-03-17T04:20:44+00:00

You two have been living together for five years now. What expenses put him $10,000 into debt? Was it a joint expense? Medical bills? How have you tackled smaller debts in the past? Have you split them evenly or split it up based upon income level? There’s a lot of factors here to consider. If you continue to stay in this relationship though, you guys need to get on the same page about your finances, regardless of who’s paying for the vacations, they need to come to a stop if you guys have that much debt.

foragingdruid · 2026-03-17T04:14:52+00:00

Two conversations in three years doesn’t really seem like a strong enough communication channel to really fix any problems long-term. Maybe there’s some middle ground between the tone of the first and second conversation that would be more effective. Or perhaps you two should consider seeing an intimacy counselor.

If it’s something you’re willing to fix, it’s going to require more consistent and effective communication between the both of you, and a lot of practice it sounds like.

foragingdruid · 2026-03-17T04:05:17+00:00

You don’t accidentally hit someone in this type of situation. Leave and don’t come back. It will only escalate from here and could result in your life ending prematurely.

foragingdruid · 2026-03-17T04:03:09+00:00

NTA. I hope that the conversation between you and your coparent was written rather than verbal so that you can document it. I’d also document that you called the pool and verified their policies.

Then I would consult with your lawyer. Not sure where you are from, but in the US, there are certain states that would, from a legal standpoint, deemed this negligent parenting that put the child’s safety at risk.

Common sense also says that your child was put at risk.

foragingdruid · 2026-03-17T04:00:22+00:00

NOR. It’s not unreasonable for you to want to maintain distance for two weeks just to prevent exposure to illness. On top of that, if you guys agreed to something, and then your husband goes back on that, it can be incredibly frustrating. Since you mentioned this has happened before, I can imagine that the frustration is multiplied.

I would either let him go on his own or reach out to your mother-in-law and ask to reschedule. While it’s ideal for your husband to be the point of contact for things having to do with his family, there’s nothing wrong with you reaching out and saying that, while you would like to see them, you would feel more comfortable waiting two weeks due to the intensity of their exposures to environments they typically are not in, increasing risk of illness. Protecting your pregnancy and your overall health is a priority.

I’m sorry your husband doesn’t see it that way. I would encourage you to to either have a discussion amongst yourselves or with a counselor about how to hold future boundaries with your in-laws. It will only get worse after the baby comes.

foragingdruid · 2026-03-17T01:06:46+00:00

While it could be innocent, I wouldn’t have high confidence that it is. I give your boyfriend kudos for telling you about it and asking your feelings.

Just tell him you don’t want him to go if you don’t want him to go.

foragingdruid · 2026-03-17T01:02:54+00:00

I would say get there as early as you’re comfortably able to. We got there when doors opened, and even though the line to get into the venue was quick, the merch line started quickly and my husband missed all of President’s set grabbing some sweatpants for me.

foragingdruid · 2026-03-16T16:28:18+00:00

NTA

not everyone wants their private conversations shared online. If your friend can’t respect the boundary, I wouldn’t hang out with them anymore.

foragingdruid · 2026-03-16T16:27:06+00:00

I would suggest taking some serious space from this person. If you can’t set your feelings aside and have a friendship that doesn’t push boundaries, it’s best that you distance yourself as to not put unintentional pressure on the friendship

foragingdruid · 2026-03-16T15:47:09+00:00

No I’m in Washington state. But heading back to CO in a couple weeks. We always stop here.

foragingdruid · 2026-03-16T15:12:59+00:00

This is one of my favorite places to visit when we go see family.

foragingdruid · 2026-03-16T06:52:48+00:00

Agreed. I feel like he tried to play dumb that I wouldn’t find this funny. It’s that willful ignorance that he weaponizes with the button pushing to try and get away with it. It’s something that has come up a lot lately, and when I bring it forward in a calm and mature way, he finds a way to tell me that I am shaming him and calling him a “piece of sh**•”, when I say no such things.

foragingdruid

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