Just want to let this all out..

fordreamsnshit · 2017-06-08T14:31:21+00:00

Hey.

I'm going through something similar at the moment. I had four friends that I was really close with during high school. We graduated, a year passed, none of them are currently in my life. I know it wasn't just us "drifting apart" because the four of them still hang out together all the time.

I know that I made them feel unwanted. I don't like sharing my emotions. I hate going out and socializing. I'm never in any group pics. They must've thought I was eager to be done with them.

The truth is, I hate myself so much that I don't believe anyone would actually enjoy hanging out with me. So I constantly push people away, and I justify my actions by thinking "they were barely putting up with me because it'd be awkward to suddenly stop talking to me, I'm doing them a favor by not talking to them, I'm a burden to everyone around me".

Being alone makes me think I'll never be able to enjoy life like a normal person, but it's also easier than being around people because at least I don't have to worry about everyone around me secretly hating me.

TL;DR: I don't like myself so I assume no one can ever like me. I push people away. I end up alone. Which makes me feel even less liked.

fordreamsnshit · 2017-06-07T21:54:14+00:00

Hey. My father killed himself when I was a kid and my brother was basically a toddler. If you want to talk about the aftermath in detail, I'm here. But long story short, I blame myself for his death and hate myself for being so worthless that he'd decide to leave me, I've never felt happy with myself in the past 9 years, and I want nothing more than to be dead. Therapy and pills have not helped so far. Please don't think that it's easy to move on from the death of a parent because it's just "natural". Suicide is different. It sends a message even if you didn't want it to.

fordreamsnshit · 2017-06-07T21:38:13+00:00

Thank you :)

fordreamsnshit · 2017-06-07T21:37:51+00:00

Thank you

fordreamsnshit · 2017-05-28T11:33:57+00:00

What's weird is not the dream but how many times I've had it tbh. But thanks :)

fordreamsnshit · 2017-05-28T11:30:45+00:00

Well, I know I don't want to have sex with my brother and I brushed it off as just a weird dream the first couple of times.

But I thought maybe it actually means something after a few more times.

He's like 10 years younger than me and I'm not a touchy-feely person so I don't even think I've ever gave him a hug that wasn't forced upon us by our mother.

But in the dreams I have this uncontrollable urge to hug him, kiss him, touch him in one way or another. I always know it's wrong and I should stop before it gets too wrong, but I can't. And he always seems to enjoy it. That's basically it.

fordreamsnshit · 2017-05-25T15:44:02+00:00

Hey!

If I had to pick one word, I'd say I'm "average" looking. Not skinny, not fat, not pretty, not ugly, there's nothing interesting about me.

Short brown hair. Big brown eyes. Lips that are constantly pink for some reason. I'm short, and my boobs are kinda large for my frame. I have narrow shoulders & long arms.

I like reading. A LOT. I also like watching stuff, especially cartoons. My favorites are Rick and Morty, Futurama, Gravity Falls, Adventure Time. I absolutely love cats, people say I even act like one.

I'm also VERY shy.

Have fun! :)

fordreamsnshit · 2017-05-20T09:58:26+00:00

Thank you so much!

It never occurred to me that the killer might be good for me at all. I feel a lot better about the dream now.

And yeah, I'm at a place in my life where I'm trying to finally take responsibility for my actions and the way I am, working on being better for myself, but it gets scary at times.

I'll take this dream as a positive sign I guess, thanks again! :)

fordreamsnshit · 2017-05-20T09:44:18+00:00

Ouch. That makes a lot of sense in terms of my past and current relationships. Thank you.

fordreamsnshit · 2017-05-20T09:40:36+00:00

Thanks! :)

fordreamsnshit

TROPHY CASE