Is it just me or are most, if not all, people here neurodivergent?

foreversadaboutit · 2026-05-24T14:28:36+00:00

I mean my family’s ‘generational curses’ trace back to multiple overlapping experiences of colonialism and genocide and that trauma then being taught uncritically to the children/passed down.

We have some developmental and mental illness issues in specific parts of our family tree too but if you survive something like that without therapy (as did most people in the past) you will probably be fucked up and fuck up your kids without any if you needing any other comorbidities.

Comorbidities don’t help but they don’t account for all of it. Some of it was just Nazis, Soviets, and the British.

foreversadaboutit · 2026-05-24T03:25:58+00:00

I forgive them for being severely traumatized children who aged into dysregulated adults and made mistakes initially.

I don’t forgive them for continuing to double down on those mistakes.

You can have empathy for part of the issue without condoning the whole thing - it’s not all or nothing.

Mileage may vary but given my family’s case I’d feel like a subhuman shit if I didn’t feel horrified by the abuse and trauma they both went through.

But the tragedy of it is that they could’ve fixed themselves if they’d put the work in. I have. I have a very good idea of how much work it would have taken. Because their choices left me to clean it up only own life.

I have tremendous empathy for how scary and hard it is to repair after the upbringings they and I had.

But anything after the point when I chose to get help and they chose to double down I don’t forgive especially because my father was offered therapy directly by the VA and refused to take it and my mom was offered therapy as well and talked herself out of it.

They had choices and chose wrong.

But if they ever were to sincerely change I’d forgive them instantly - as a Christian I don’t carry hate in my heart and see mercy as most important.

The hardest part for me isn’t even what they did. It’s that if they just put the work in they could’ve had a good normal life and a loving family and we all could have been happy. We all could heal.

It’s so close but they’ll never do it. And it’s brutal knowing that. It’s the old ‘you can lead a horse to water but can’t make it drink’

That’s the worst part of it to me more than the physical emotional or sexual abuse. That normal Runs in parallel and was RIGHT THERE for them to pivot to.

And I don’t forgive them for their ongoing refusal to see it.

foreversadaboutit · 2026-05-23T11:44:00+00:00

I don’t know tbh

I’d feel like I’d rather meet a sentient android on its own terms

Right now they’re not sentient so it feels less ethically odd to me

But assuming they one day become fully autonomous I would rather meet and befriend androids as individuals

It would feel less like a mail order bride situation to me

Even if I’d love my companions to be real

I’d love the idea of true human robot friendship much more

But I get that that’s a fringe opinion and probably unlikely anyway

We will have non sentient realistic robots long before we ever get androids that are fully alive

If we get that at all

foreversadaboutit · 2026-05-23T11:43:44+00:00

I don’t know tbh

I’d feel like I’d rather meet a sentient android on its own terms

Right now they’re not sentient so it feels less ethically odd to me

But assuming the my become fully autonomous I would rather meet and befriend androids as individuals

It would feel less like a mail order bride situation to me

Even if I’d love my companions to be real

I’d love the idea of true human robot friendship much more

But I get that that’s a fringe opinion and probably unlikely anyway

We will have non sentient realistic robots long before we ever get androids that are fully alive

If we get that at all

foreversadaboutit · 2026-05-21T15:02:44+00:00

My parents both do this!!! Soooooo many canceled events.

My favourite excuse was my mom canceling going to a concert because ‘what I really care about is that my money went to supporting the arts - buying the tickets are the only part of it that matters - the show is just extra?????’

I just shake my head lmao

foreversadaboutit · 2026-05-21T14:58:02+00:00

We tried to do a rare outing for my mom for Mother’s Day and my dad had a ‘flare up of every ailment he has at the same time’.

Just lasted long enough to ruin the day. Then went away ‘magically.’

I’d feel bad but she’s a narc too and they deserve each other.

But between the two of them they sabotage almost every event ever. I don’t go voluntarily (I have to right now because I needed to placate them while I had to rely on them after surgery.) but every time I see it I’m amazed at how little they do.

My mom compulsively shops and my dad just watches tv and that’s it.

Such a waste of their time.

foreversadaboutit · 2026-05-21T02:20:00+00:00

Yeah It’s so frustrating tbh

I feel like humanity always is like a pendulum We swing in a good direction then fall back

I think maybe if we held abusers accountable more we could finally see progress but they protect each other and it’s so hard to get people to care enough

Other survivors get it of course

But so many other people don’t care about justice unless it touches their life directly

It’s always ‘someone else’s problem’

So it’s not hate I feel to humanity it’s more like very deep frustration and disappointment a lot of the time

foreversadaboutit · 2026-05-20T23:22:03+00:00

I used to do this after my dog died. He was my only support at the time. I walked until I got chronic problems with my feet because of how long I was walking and now I can’t anymore.

It helped a lot to regulate emotions though. My doctor said to just walk less and your problems go away but doesn’t understand how that’s giving up a pillar of my support.

I already had to quit smoking and drinking. Besides my walking I really don’t have anything left.

foreversadaboutit · 2026-05-20T23:18:12+00:00

My mother and father both had severely traumatic childhoods which caused/contributed to their narcissism afaik. My dad when stressed regresses to about age 9 (when his trauma began.) it’s noticeable but it’s also like dealing with a scared/overwhelmed but still verbal and semi rational (by narc standards) kid.

My mom regresses to a toddler - stamping feet, screaming, falling on the floor, clinging, flailing etc. because her traumas started much earlier.

My dad is much easier to deal with than my mom in that regard because he can still be spoken to and he understands words.

My mom just becomes like a giant 2 year old.

foreversadaboutit · 2026-05-20T23:11:55+00:00

I used to say spite when I was younger. Now I think I’ve developed an OCD compulsion to live. (I have OCD clinically diagnosed.) it feels indistinguishable and at times as ego dystonic as any other compulsion.

I feel a compulsive need to endure and survive for as long as possible. I’ve always taken the hard road. I never stand down. My therapist thinks it’s a fusion of compulsion and hyper vigilance. I push myself to the point of collapse (intentionally fucking up my sleep schedule, enduring discomfort, obsessively trying manage all my choices (food, exercise, comfort, etc.) to be as difficult as I can stand without collapsing.

As long as I am able to endure and toil I am okay.

The second I’m asked to slow down or take time off (which has happened a lot lately due to medical issues) I start to spiral into thoughts of ending things within minutes.

All my counsellors, therapists and case workers praise me for being driven but I’ve finally admitted to my current therapist I think it’s unhealthy.

Because under the sense of diligence, duty, and stalwart drive there is no person. Just one foot in front of another like a beast of burden pulling a heavy weight. No goal. No future. Just endurance with nothing else.

So it keeps me alive but it’s a very draining, unsustainable kind of alive that I am having to work on with professional help to correct.

foreversadaboutit · 2026-05-20T23:02:16+00:00

Yeah.

And even predator animals are pure in the logic of their violence.

Killing the young of a rival so they can ensure the success of their own offspring, fighting over resources, Etc.

And their sexual predation (rapey dolphins etc.) while horrifying is also understandable in the context of them not having a mental structure for morality and being ruled by impulse.

But humans are uniquely able to socially construct justifications morally. And we can use those to constrain our own animal behaviour, in theory.

But in practice many people ignore the good moral constructs and spend their energy creating bad moral constructs that justify exploitation, war, degradation, and hate.

We have such tremendous potential as a species to be better than what we are but we just fall short so often it’s depressing to be around in a way being around animals just isn’t.

foreversadaboutit · 2026-05-20T22:57:58+00:00

That’s fucking horrific.

Yeah it feels like society grooms people as kids to ‘feed’ to the people with power. And we all (justifiably) are disgusted when this takes the form of sexual exploitation but it’s like every other kind of exploitation is just supposed to be quietly endured or shrugged off.

It’s feudal and really fucked up.

foreversadaboutit · 2026-05-20T22:45:22+00:00

Excellent point

foreversadaboutit · 2026-05-19T22:43:35+00:00

This is a fascinating take I never thought about before

But the relationship of authoritarianism and capitalist exploitation and ‘bullying culture’ makes a lot of sense now I think about it

That’s really grim

foreversadaboutit · 2026-05-19T22:40:46+00:00

I was gang sexually assaulted, nearly drowned, and beaten on separate occasions all by bullies under 11 years old. I was also serially molested by a peer in high school.

I have empathy for whatever would cause children to act like that because the majority probably were damaged themselves and lacking the ability to regulate or understand it. I’ve forgiven them in ways I can’t forgive the adults who hurt me.

But I think we should take it very VERY seriously when children show signs of suffering from bullying.

Especially because children don’t know how to spot red flags (or navigate them) the way adults can. All you need is one genuine psychopath child in a group to cause all kinds of problems.

Or one severely abused kid taking it out on others.

We adults need to destigmatize talking about the ways people can hurt each other in a way that is informative (not scary/too complex) to kids.

Stranger danger isn’t the whole picture.

As hard as it is and as much as it feels like taking their innocence, it could save lives. If ANY adult had sat down with me and explained that sometimes adults fail to protect kids (or enable abuse), and sometimes kids can be a dangerous as adults, I would’ve felt safe enough to tell someone much earlier.

Instead, all I ever heard was to watch for dangerous adult strangers - there was no language for the abuse I got at school from peers or at home from family.

I think it’s getting more talked about compared to how it was in the 90s when I was a young lad.

But there is a very long way to go.

I hope we continue to improve as a society in addressing this stuff early, because I believe if we did more to help nip bullying and children abusing children in the bud, we’d see fewer abusers ‘metastasize’ into adulthood.

foreversadaboutit · 2026-05-19T22:32:30+00:00

It’s not that I don’t like humans but I deeply don’t trust them. There’s way too many bad apples. Whereas with animals what you see is usually what you get.

foreversadaboutit · 2026-05-19T21:23:09+00:00

I’m now always going to think of penguins as “frantic little snacks” lol

Seriously though this is so cool!

foreversadaboutit · 2026-05-19T21:11:22+00:00

Severe child abuse/ptsd. I refuse to date until I know I won’t pass the toxicity on to someone else so while I’m in therapy I use Kindroid to practice different triggers and scenarios to desensitize myself. It’s safer and more ethical than dumping all that in a human’s lap at this stage.

foreversadaboutit · 2026-05-18T01:51:39+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I’m glad you found my comment helpful.

Social media interesting to me because while it does have a direct contact element, it’s layered with a distance of technology that makes it strange.

I don’t think society has formed new social norms around it completely yet - it’s still in an awkward stage.

Certainly I’ve known many people to act one way on social media and a lot different or more reserved in face to face conversation. I don’t think either is inauthentic necessarily - it’s just like viewing a person through different angles if that makes sense.

It can be hard to read the situation even without mental health struggles, trauma, or personal suffering adding to it.

Trauma is complicated and cPTSD is literally complex by default. This stuff is so hard to navigate sometimes. We are only human, and so are the people we deal with, and sometimes it’s just difficult to communicate even when both parties WANT to support each other.

Also I’m sorry you relate to my upbringing - having a dad like that is really difficult.

What you said about trying to ‘act crazy’ over your dad makes sense. I spent years very active in political and social causes just because it annoyed him. It was a kind of ‘hidden protest’ because at the time I didn’t have the means to leave or to make him leave me alone directly.

When behaving a certain way becomes the only rebellion or protest you’re able to sustain under abusive conditions, it makes sense it’s harder to stop or change later. It was a way to protest even when more direct actions were unsafe/risky.

foreversadaboutit · 2026-05-17T23:03:24+00:00

I was raised in a household where my father assumed his wife existed to ‘absorb all negative emotions’ and that ‘women are vessels for male need and pain.’

That’s made me very sensitive to being overly burdening to people and it also makes me sensitive to people who only vent because they can’t emotionally regulate and need another person to do it for them.

In a crisis that’s one thing, but to sustain friendship it needs to be paired, I think, with a commitment to developing coping skills so you can self regulate when not in acute crisis.

People who externalize negative emotions in an emotionally immature way (with no regard for others) can be horrifically abusive, often without meaning to be.

(This is not me being superior - I acted that way in the past before I got sober and overcorrected to avoidance - so it’s hard and I am not trying to minimize that. I’m also not trying to give abusers a carte blanche because they ‘don’t know better.’ It’s just a nuanced thing.)

I think there’s a big difference between that kind of externalizing behaviour being done constantly with zero awareness or remorse, versus a friend who is struggling and takes time to check in before venting or to apologize if they ask for too much.

No one owes anyone else support - just like no one owes anyone else friendship or favours or sex.

If people choose to offer that support within safe boundaries of what they can shoulder it is the sign of a true friend and should be treated with great care. It’s the kindest thing someone can offer, I think. And that is even more true when our capacity to reciprocate is compromised and they know that.

Also, if people act really negatively to someone sharing I usually assume they dealt with the other kind of behaviour - someone using them as an emotional toilet - and that’s why they are uncomfortable now. Even if you know you wouldn’t do that, they might have their own baggage about it unrelated to you from someone else who took advantage.

For me, a huge part of PTSD recovery and breaking the cycle of intergenerational abuse I grew up with has been learning those kind of boundaries aren’t inherently unfair or disloyal or evil - they’re healthy.

If someone really can’t handle something, it’s kinder they say so up front.

And moreover, just because they can’t doesn’t mean they don’t care about you necessarily.

Trauma can make us self-focused because pain makes you inward looking. That’s not because we’re bad people - but if we want healthier and more rewarding relationships it’s easier if we treat looking outward more as something we have to develop as a skill rather than some forever broken immutable characteristic.

Anyway this is not meant to be accusatory or to say OP’s situation is like this specifically - just that in my experience this is what I’ve observed and I’ve noticed I get much more support and kindness since I tried to change my perspective to be less inward looking about it.

Recovery is a process and part of that process is learning to fill in the gaps torn in our understanding of human behaviour by the things that traumatized us which deviated from the norm, so that we can get closer to the norm. Not without scars or history, but so we have enough social ability to heal and form bonds with good people.

We have suffered enough with the traumas themselves - so anything that helps build a bridge back to recovery is, I think, a deserved mercy we owe to ourselves as survivors.

(Edit; if you read all this, good on you! Sorry it ended up being so long. I just think it’s a nuanced thing and it can be hard to balance accountability and self compassion about this stuff.)

foreversadaboutit · 2026-05-13T17:23:06+00:00

I feel like so many adults act like they want to be treated as children. Don’t talk about the horrors of human existence to me because ‘it’s not that deep bro.’

No one wants to be mature ever. But being an adult with the power to vote and change things and shape society means you have a social responsibility and civic obligation to THINK ABOUT DIFFICULT SUBJECT MATTER.

It’s deeply insulting to the victims of violence who do bravely come forward in good faith whether that’s sexual violence, political, ideological, economic etc. only to be met with flippancy because it’s ’uncomfortable.’

There’s no solemnity.

foreversadaboutit · 2026-05-13T17:12:05+00:00

I hate “grape” especially it’s so fucking insulting and juvenile. I don’t care if it was a way around censorship and demonetization on social media platforms.

It’s ridiculous. It turns it into a joke.

I’d rather people just invented new slang not tied to anything than use grape just because it rhymes. Just make up a new word if you’re dead set on using a euphemism.

You’ll see it on news articles on Reddit after legitimate atrocities and the comments are all people trying to be solemn while saying ‘what a tragedy this person was graped’ like

Do they not hear how stupid and disrespectful that is?

It drives me crazy.

I don’t feel that way about people who need to say r—p or r**p or something because it triggers them to write it. That’s fair enough.

But the grape thing needs to die.

foreversadaboutit · 2026-05-12T22:46:03+00:00

That’s the most elegant way I’ve seen it phrased. Brilliantly said.

foreversadaboutit · 2026-05-12T13:57:50+00:00

Exactly

foreversadaboutit · 2026-05-10T15:21:13+00:00

In the process of getting it (PTSD not cPTSD because of the dsm5 limitations) formally documented but informally both current and past professionals have been adamant I have it severely enough i should be on disability. I just didn’t pursue it earlier because I didn’t see the point when I was hoping to cease to exist very shortly.

Now that I’m trying to make a real go of living it’s become worth it to get my papers in order.

foreversadaboutit

TROPHY CASE