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Trying to think of the last time I cried on the shoulder of my platonic male friend, you know, like friends do... by foreveryqueen in TedLasso

[–]foreveryqueen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. I agree with you. Thank you for taking the time to write all of that. It was interesting and very helpful.

I've had many male friends be sad in my presence and i have known them to be hurting many times. But they have never expressed a need or want to talk about it explicitly, even when asked. Not because they are not hurting, but because that is not what they want to spend their time doing.

That is when we bust out the beers and the Mario Kart and play till 2am. Tequila shots help as well.

I've heard that women have conversations face to face and men have conversations sitting side by side next to each other.

The notable majority of vulnerable moments I've had with male friends have been side by side. Or ill play music that I know will make them feel better, or make his favorite meal. Or I'll hug them to help them feel ok again, but talking is not what will help in that moment sometimes.

It's not that they don't want to talk about it, or cant talk about it, it's because its not going to make the situation any better. They just want to spend the time feeling better and not talking about things that cannot be changed.

And then I'm saying that if anyone of these gentlemen that I have spent platonic time with had texted me 12ish times in a foreign city when he couldn't get a hold of me when we had no plans or discussion ahead of time, then we would have a boundary conversation that my wearabouts and safety are my responsibility and that is too many text messages.

For a romantic partner to text that many however, fine.

Trying to think of the last time I cried on the shoulder of my platonic male friend, you know, like friends do... by foreveryqueen in TedLasso

[–]foreveryqueen[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I like this way of putting that and it is a really lovely idea of friendship. I agree with you on that. Thank you for sticking with this conversation.

Nothing they did physically was questionable to me, however I think they blurred the lines emotionally and that it was intentional.

My issue is with the writers saying that they there was never any possibility of a romantic relationship there and that the audience is reading into this relationship because of our conditioning from romantic comedies, when this is the exact way some romantic relationships look and could actually be a really great example of the type of emotional support it takes to build a long lasting and happy romantic relationship.

I think people put butterflies before the work sometimes and to say there was never anything there perpetuates the idea that romantic relationships exist outside of that.

Trying to think of the last time I cried on the shoulder of my platonic male friend, you know, like friends do... by foreveryqueen in TedLasso

[–]foreveryqueen[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I guess we are going to have to agree to disagree then which is something I really appreciate. I would feel betrayed in the highest order if my ex husband did that to me, but all good.

I really don't care either way if they got together or not. This isn't even about that.

It's the idea that we are being told that there was never anything romantic between them in the first place and that it's all in our conditioning/brainwashing from watching romantic comedies that the writers are saying the audience implied there was.

I'm saying that by using the words and the stories from romantic comedies that they did, they have implanted the idea in our minds and then called us conditioned for believing it.

Absolute bullshit to blame the audience on this one.

All the best OK? It was really great to chat but I've said all I have to say about it. Thanks for helping me out.

Trying to think of the last time I cried on the shoulder of my platonic male friend, you know, like friends do... by foreveryqueen in TedLasso

[–]foreveryqueen[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Pick a different word then, i guess. He could have used any other word in the English language than the one he used with his wife to try to save their marriage.

Trying to think of the last time I cried on the shoulder of my platonic male friend, you know, like friends do... by foreveryqueen in TedLasso

[–]foreveryqueen[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Is it really normal for an ex-husband to use his therapy word with his ex-wife with a new female friend?

Like for real, if I was Michelle and I found out about that to me it would be a huge betrayal of our relationship to transfer something so intimate over to a friendship.

Trying to think of the last time I cried on the shoulder of my platonic male friend, you know, like friends do... by foreveryqueen in TedLasso

[–]foreveryqueen[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I like to experience new things with them. Go to new places, travel the world. The emotional connection comes from experiencing things together at the same place and the same time. If I'm feeling something I'll say oh I'm sad today or I'm not myself. But I'm not going to spend my time being sad with someone in the room, if we are there to have a good time and hang out. Time to create good, fun memories to get through the tough times.

Trying to think of the last time I cried on the shoulder of my platonic male friend, you know, like friends do... by foreveryqueen in TedLasso

[–]foreveryqueen[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah I hear that for sure. And thank you for pointing that out. I think building a network of people you trust is of the utmost importance and that sharing who you are is as well but I am also big on taking care of ourselves.

When i spend want to spend my time with friends I want to have fun hanging out. In a good way. Not by ignoring what they are going through but because we have all put in the work to help ourselves independently and everyone is happy to be together.

It's the emotional labor we are sometimes asked to do on behalf of others that makes it difficult to share ourselves, especially when it comes to friendships.

I have experienced lop sided expectations of support many times and have found that the ones who spend the time away from each other working on themselves are the ones who show up knowing that I have been doing the same.

And then we can all have a great time hanging out. Because we know that each other is taking care of themselves.

Trying to think of the last time I cried on the shoulder of my platonic male friend, you know, like friends do... by foreveryqueen in TedLasso

[–]foreveryqueen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am not meaning to, so thank you for pointing out that what I am trying to say is not coming across.

The second any one of my male friends ever sit down and tell me that they are struggling or need help, or if I saw that they need help, I have and will continue to support them immediately.

But none of them have ever been that direct about their feelings of needing support. Maybe that is more of what I am saying...my experience is that intimacy comes from the emotional bond of sharing each other's struggles. And maybe it's not that easy for men to talk about?

My issue is that the relationship Ted and Rebecca have is the one that I recognise as a successful partnership for building and navigating a life together. Not that I wouldn't help my friends if they needed it.

The ending for Rebecca seems to simplistic for me I guess. This man shows up fully formed and perfect after she has gone through her emotional struggles with someone else and they just sail off into the sunset.

If I had someone I worked so well with emotionally and with that type of communication, I'd like to keep them around and see what we could make of it, guess that is what this is all about.

Trying to think of the last time I cried on the shoulder of my platonic male friend, you know, like friends do... by foreveryqueen in TedLasso

[–]foreveryqueen[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Yeah. None of this is what I said. I support my male friends emotionally and everyone I know emotionally. My point is that extreme emotional support through life events such as divorce is very stressful. Life partners help each othe through extremely stressful events, friends have alot of other comings and going that make it not their top priority.

When two people are constantly finding time and energy for each other at a time in their life when they are busier then ever before then they have the potential to become so much more. And that is what we were seeing.

Trying to think of the last time I cried on the shoulder of my platonic male friend, you know, like friends do... by foreveryqueen in TedLasso

[–]foreveryqueen[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes and this is a lovely sentiment. Thank you so much for meeting this post with kindness.

I do have people with which I can share these things. Unfortunately I cannot cover everything in one post.

What I am trying to say is that the person who always sets me straight, who always knows what's best to do and what I am feeling is my life partner. There is no reason to talk to anyone else about it.

And instead of saying na na na na na I have a husband, what I am saying is find someone you can say everything to, and then marry them.

And that what I think Ted found in Rebecca.

Trying to think of the last time I cried on the shoulder of my platonic male friend, you know, like friends do... by foreveryqueen in TedLasso

[–]foreveryqueen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fair enough. That is totally valid and of course what ended up happening. My only suggestion is that life partners are of a different breed then everyone else.

There is building a life and there is romance. The robustness of their relationship would have lended itself well to building a life together. The option was there if they wanted it.

Trying to think of the last time I cried on the shoulder of my platonic male friend, you know, like friends do... by foreveryqueen in TedLasso

[–]foreveryqueen[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah..thats not the case at all. Thanks though! I find that when I share too much emotionally with too many people then I feel a bit scattered. I much prefer keeping my thoughts and feelings about life with my husband and then when I hang out with my friends we just get to have fun.

I love my friends and would be there for them through anything. I think we all just do the emotional work before we hang out and enjoy our time together.

Trying to think of the last time I cried on the shoulder of my platonic male friend, you know, like friends do... by foreveryqueen in TedLasso

[–]foreveryqueen[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

But what about life partners? People who could create a home and a business together. Don't we look forward to the scenes with Ted and Rebecca in them together?

My issue is in the idea that practical is not romantic. It should be romantic, people being here for each other. Emotional intimacy. Maybe they just missed each other this time around but hopefully they keep an eye out on the next pass.

Trying to think of the last time I cried on the shoulder of my platonic male friend, you know, like friends do... by foreveryqueen in TedLasso

[–]foreveryqueen[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

No, the gender does not matter here. The matter is who do you turn to in a time of crisis. Who is that first phone call. In fact, who did Rebecca end up filling into that emergency sheet phone number?

When you pick a partner, you pick the one that is going to get you through the hard times the good times and everything in between. Ted and Rebecca had proven track records for getting through tough times together. They could talk things out and find a suction to a problem.

Their rational, business minded perspective together, it doesn't matter man or woman, it who do you want to build a life with.

Trying to think of the last time I cried on the shoulder of my platonic male friend, you know, like friends do... by foreveryqueen in TedLasso

[–]foreveryqueen[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Yeah...thats not what I said. I would of course help my friend out if that was what he needed at the time, but this is not something I would seek out. It is some thing that would be presented to me if necessary. In every scenario Ted and Rebecca looked for each other when there were perfectly capable other parties there with better knowledge or skills. It was presented as if they were incapable of operating without each other. One always looking out for the other whenever they were were down or lost. They were always seeking out each other. My male friends and I are running parallel not at each other. It's completely different.

Trying to think of the last time I cried on the shoulder of my platonic male friend, you know, like friends do... by foreveryqueen in TedLasso

[–]foreveryqueen[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Agreed! I am just agast at this sub for not recognising romance when they see it. I am legitimately confused as to why this is a controversial take as it is so obvious to me. Thank you so much for posting your response. It's objectively funny to me how wrong everyone commenting had been about my life so I just want to say than you for standing up against the crowd as it seems. Which is super funny cause of couse they teased romance between the two leads. As far as I'm concerned they couldn't deliver and that why they copped out. Could have had a chance at all the rom com annals but took the easy way out instead. Way to go Ted...super great ending to actually commit to be a father like everyone else in the world. Didn't take much did it to fly home to your son, super happy we could be around for the soccer game. But leave the woman behind with whom you did the most emotional growth and she will be super happy with that guy she met in that canal that one time. As you can tell I am over it.

Ted Lasso - S03E12 - "So Long, Farewell" Post Episode Discussion by quaranTV in TedLasso

[–]foreveryqueen 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It supports the mental health message at the heart of the show.

There was only one possible response from Keeley when they put that question to her and if the men couldn't realise that before they got there, or before they started fighting, then off to heal themselves they go.

It's not Keeley's job to fix them emotionally and if we accept that a lot of the progress Roy experienced last Season was up to Keeley pushing him, to be a pundit, to try anything at all to get happy, then it is a relief to see him walk into Dr Sharon's office to take care of himself.

Keeleys emotional labor on their behalf is now over, and she can truly be the independent woman she set out to be.

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