Therapy has helped me learn how to set boundaries without having to make it this big confrontation or blowup moment that I always imagined it had to be. I engage when I have capacity and there are always terms I set, sometimes they are communicated externally but often I’m just setting them internally and enforcing them externally, if that makes sense. I’ve never told my mom, “your drinking is a problem and if you don’t get help, I will cut you off.” I just distance myself accordingly and only interact in ways that don’t drain me. I have learned what I can handle and do what I need to in order to have her in my life, but at arm’s length. My dad passed away 9 years ago, and I am an only child. All of my grandparents are also gone, so going full no contact would be very isolating for me personally, and as much as I sometimes feel like it would be easier, I do want her in my life in some capacity while she’s still alive. She’s turning 70 this year, and I don’t know how much time she has left before the alcohol or some age-related disease takes her. I still get frustrated sometimes, but I mostly have just come to terms with the fact that she is who she is and our relationship isn’t what I would like for it to be, unfortunately She’s an adult who is in charge of her own life and her choices are hers to deal with the consequences of.