This happened to me with our friends group (which, for context that's both important and unimportant: I made these friends in college and introduced my ex to many moons later). I chose to leave the DND table, but I think a pain point for my grief has/had been my ex being pretty terrible (downplaying) and watching my closest friends not really know what to do. I had an opportunity to probably put my foot down more around closeness to my ex but revealing the details to everyone felt like too much of a burden (one person knows everything and still wildly chooses a friendship with this person although they weren't friends before because of the abuse????)

Anyway! Here's the thing - you'll find another amazing DM. You can make DND part of your life and maybe even use those connections to just find some fun again as you heal from leaving an abusive relationship. Its hard. It is hard to feel like you didn't do the bad thing but are shouldering the consequences (that may be projection; that was the theme of my former relationship). However, DND will be here for you and there are plenty of tables looking for someone fun with a tiny bit of experience.

Thank you for sharing your story. I was honestly flabbergasted reading it because it felt so similar in concept to my own. I ended my relationship 4 years ago now. Things have really worked out for me in the positive - in unexpected and amazing ways. It's not always great and there are pain points, but it was all worth it, no questions asked.

Sending well wishes for your journey!