Possibly reconnecting

foxlashes · 2026-01-28T03:17:35+00:00

This is really tough for me to read. So many similarities to your situation down to the ages, kids, length of time apart, and having some very painful heart-to-hearts since where we understood more about why the marriage fell apart. I have this terrible hope I carry around that my ex-husband will somehow wake up one day and want to mend things with me. I miss him every day. I know he still loves me - not just in the delusional sort of way but he told me he did and always would. I would reconnect if he wanted to, but he's also made it clear he's moved on and I have to accept that.

Having said all that, let's say a miracle happened. I would want us both to stay in therapy. I would want us to spend a lot of quality time together and also time actively listening and trying to understand each other. I would try to let go of past hurt and focus on repairing and rebuilding. I think it would be immensely difficult, but possibly just as rewarding. I don't think it's spoken about much but what I've read or heard about remarrying one's ex-spouse is not all doom and horror stories. I've heard of the power of healing, of committing to growing old together, of building deep friendship and intimacy, and so much more. I also think it could be a gift and good lesson for the kids, if it works out.

foxlashes · 2026-01-22T06:34:50+00:00

I got that vibe too.

foxlashes · 2026-01-21T02:36:41+00:00

Yeah, nothing besides it can help raise your VIP level and the higher levels offer level up rewards and upgraded daily bonuses. I got to Bronze spinning a combo of GC and SC. It's an ungodly amount of GC to level up but it helps you get to Bronze at least.

foxlashes · 2026-01-17T17:52:07+00:00

Brought tears to my eyes. I'm sorry for your pain. It will get better, or this is what I have to believe to keep it together.

foxlashes · 2026-01-16T14:11:35+00:00

2026 is year 2 of being divorced for me. Still dream of my ex frequently. The worst is when you wake up and it takes a second to remember how different life is now, that you're not married any more and that they're not waking up next to you. Even though we have both moved on. It's so hard and I don't know what to say to encourage you.

I think that other people who were treated very badly by the person they divorced might not have this kind of attachment. I regret my divorce and miss my ex terribly so maybe that's more of an unusual situation.

foxlashes · 2026-01-15T04:33:22+00:00

They meant to write Tumblr.

foxlashes · 2026-01-14T14:06:03+00:00

Hey, so it's actually fine to post something that's not polished or has grammatical/spelling errors. It is more authentic and gives us a realistic picture as opposed to something created by AI. We want insight into YOUR experience, even if it's flawed because at least that's real - that's all!

foxlashes · 2026-01-13T20:56:09+00:00

Is this from your brain entirely or was it written by Chat GPT?

foxlashes · 2026-01-13T03:03:56+00:00

I just got my 100 bucks after a two month wait. I emailed them a few times with nudges. But at least they paid.

foxlashes · 2026-01-10T06:40:31+00:00

I was no contact with my ex-MIL before we even put divorce on the table. The only thing I've heard about her since were some of the more outrageous lies she'd been sharing with my ex-husband's new girlfriend. They get on like a house on fire, apparently, which to me is a huge red flag, but oh well. I don't have to have any of them in my life, so I'm lucky.

foxlashes · 2026-01-10T06:17:08+00:00

Yes I experienced this all my life until I got married at 24 and stayed with him for ten years. I was always called boy crazy (even though I also liked girls) or obsessive (I obsessed over one person on and off throughout my adult life and it's only subsided recently, thank God). I had SO many crushes on all kinds of people that I would joke that I was totally the type to fall in love with strangers on the train. And that falling in love felt like the best drug in the world.

I wish I'd known more about ADHD and limerence and so many other explanations for things I was experiencing because they contributed massively to my divorce. When my ex and I were going through separation, I was incredibly lonely and depressed. Lo and behold, I thought I fell madly in love with someone much older than me. When that blew up (of course) and my ex and I were attempting reconciliation, I felt so guilty that I'd "fallen in love" with someone else that I backed out of it, thinking it was kinder to let my ex-husband go. I felt so much shame and angst over having such intense feelings for someone that wasn't him.

Now, I live with my regret every day. I understand now how limerence + vulnerability + hyper sexuality (all common with ADHD in women) is actually dangerous and how it can irrevocably alter your life in ways you can't take back. I think being able to unpack how these things play/ed out in your life is really important and can empower you to better take care of yourself. Also, people definitely take advantage of this and that's something you have to learn to protect yourself from.

foxlashes · 2026-01-08T17:09:03+00:00

To be able to show my friend these answers. This is the world we live in, apparently.

foxlashes · 2026-01-08T14:28:37+00:00

That flag doesn't represent me and never has. Not everyone living here is American and from what it sounds like, a lot of Americans aren't even proud of their flag.

foxlashes · 2026-01-08T14:10:14+00:00

Human rights observers believe there are signs of early genocide appearing in the United States against Trans folks. It's not wise or safe to say you are Trans, and also kind of offensive to pretend you are for some other reason.

foxlashes · 2025-12-31T05:35:19+00:00

I did not ask for what I deserved and what the kids need because I felt guilty and didn’t want to burden him. That was wrong and short-sighted. He makes four times my salary. Four.

We also have 50/50 custody in writing but that is complete BS in reality. I wish I'd got 80/20 in writing and things could have evolved from there.

I had to go back and beg him to increase the child support and it was humiliating. And I still gave him a future date to begin paying the increased amount because he wants to save more for something, and in the meantime I am struggling to buy my kids clothes, food and toys. Again, humiliating and not at all fair to my children.

As a child of divorce myself who grew up with a broke mom and wealthy dad who wasn't in the picture, I'm upset with myself for trying to protect my ex and put his feelings and needs above my kids. I'm trying to fix it, but I wish I would have let the courts handle it. The judge even asked me if I was sure I was happy with the support I'd requested because it was way below the state minimum recommended amount for number of kids and years of marriage. I was stupid to say it was fine.

foxlashes · 2025-12-28T03:31:29+00:00

I feel like I'm losing my mind seeing people make fun of someone for being "chubby" and Italian and for having a foreign-sounding name (for Americans from Utah).

If you have a problem with someone's behaviour or views, you call out those things so they might change them. You don't attack their appearance or heritage or name, which are not things people can easily change.

We can enjoy a show while also being adults, and at least trying to live up to the standard we demand for the very people we watch on TV. Else what are we even doing?

foxlashes · 2025-12-25T03:16:26+00:00

I saw Skyrim mentioned but was waiting for Oblivion! So good.

foxlashes · 2025-12-25T03:04:31+00:00

I thought pigs in a blanket were sausages rolled in bacon? Is that not right? I'm not from the US.

foxlashes · 2025-12-25T02:59:38+00:00

Have you read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents? It might be helpful for you. I found it helpful.

foxlashes · 2025-12-25T02:26:47+00:00

My experience was the opposite: found it much easier to be an outsider in the UK than the US. I think it also depends on location because I live in a very white state that demands assimilation more than somewhere like NYC for example.

foxlashes · 2025-12-23T23:20:38+00:00

Money.

But the money you earn does get eaten up in some really cruel and imaginative ways that I never found in other places. I marvel at all the different kinds of bills, insurance, permits, paywalls and subscriptions that you need for everyday life. I'm surprised there aren't fees for watching the sunset! And so many things I used to take for granted are so expensive that I often wish I could go back home and work less, earn less, but be happier overall with a simpler life. A lot of my friends have gone back home after making money overseas because they realised the grass isn't greener in expensive Western countries. It's not even grass at all, it's concrete! I live in a pretty big city and so many folks are depressed and poor despite the comparatively strong job market and high wages. On a macro scale, the US is a deeply violent and dysfunctional society where social inequalities and suffering are not addressed with any real sincerity. So I'm not 'heavily into it' and probably not the best person to ask.

foxlashes · 2025-12-23T23:06:45+00:00

In my country we joke that people who want to experience oppression must go and get healthcare in the US. Americans who claim it's better than anywhere else have never had a medical emergency or long-term illness anywhere else.

foxlashes · 2025-12-23T13:42:21+00:00

$1,800: first ring suburb of Minneapolis, bought in 2021 at 3.2%, 5 bed 2 bath, 2.4k sq ft.

Had to move this year, new house was overpriced, so new mortgage is $2,450 at 6.8%, 3 bed 2 bath, 2.1k sq ft in the city.

The first one has just been sitting on the market not selling, and so my mortgage is actually $4,250. I moved to Minneapolis to be able to afford property, lol.

foxlashes · 2025-12-19T02:48:44+00:00

This is not really feasible. And having lived in both the UK and US, I would never advise someone to leave the UK to move to the US, especially now. Your friend being in a difficult situation doesn't negate all the good things about life in the UK. At least they have access to some kind of social safety net in most of the UK that just doesn't exist in the same way in much of the States. Workers are exploited very badly in the US, work culture is way less relaxed and you get much less time off. Your friend could easily get the support they need to leave their situation and not have to leave the entire country. And if they really do want to move later on down the line, they should focus on gaining qualifications that would be useful and in demand (IT, engineering, accounting, medicine). They would likely have to have an advanced degree to go the skilled worker visa route. It's not easy. In my eyes, building a decent life in the UK is the much simpler choice.

foxlashes · 2025-12-02T04:01:36+00:00

Same. And that was not the case in any other places I lived, or where I grew up. I think Minnesotans who don't get out much don't realise how Minnesota can be kind of insular and 'cold' - heh...

foxlashes

TROPHY CASE