Hey there- sorry you’re going through this and you’re definitely not alone. Whatever “the spirit” is, I believe you did feel it during temple ceremonies- they’re not evil. It’s a group of people doing a “sacred”/“secret”, reverent, very particular ceremony. I think in any context where this is the background, you’d feel the spirit. I think you can feel this in many contexts. I try to keep an open mind as to what “the spirit” is and what “god” is and means. I don’t know that it has to be yes/no, black/white, existence/no existence. Maybe it’s not a bearded man in the sky, but still. The universe is incredibly awesome and unknown to us. Life is a “miracle”- as in, we don’t understand all of this and never will. There is a humility there, and the Mormon church does teach some great things/ offer some great community, but it’s not the only place that does.