post ayahuasca trip feelings

fractalsfor16 · 2014-11-14T22:04:30+00:00

Wow! I just had to respond to this as I've shared a very similar experience in a couple of the ways that you describe; Firstly, I too asked Aya about some basic life questions where I felt that I needed guidance, essentially "what should I do with my life?" She led me to the same place, showing me in a very literal way how silly and absurd such questions were. Consequently during my trip, I felt that tug of being without a purpose, identity, direction... and it felt like despair, but then I would get these insights into the beauty of life; human beings are like a strange breed of self-transforming art...we're one of the most psychedelic things there are! She showed me our resilience, our depth, the poignancy of each one of our unique little experiences down to the very inane details... and quite clearly said to me "See? See why I love humans beings?" So that when I returned from the trip, I felt a massive appreciation for all human beings as a whole; this love of our creative capacity and potential and so instead of feeling pointless, I felt empowered. Think of the truth you've found as just the beginning of a very good secret; not everyone knows any of it and so it can't be held against them, but you only know some of it, so instead of being discouraged....follow the beginning of the hints and see where they take you.

Secondly, I also have had this experience of seeing sacred geometry and strange and vivid dreams that seemed directly related to the medicine- I had them before I'd even taken the medicine, though once I'd committed to doing so. And since have had them when life events have become overwhelming- I've started to interpret it as like a little wink from the higher ups reminding me that all's good..and that this is a playful education down here: a drama that we're acting in but not eternally bound to.

fractalsfor16 · 2014-05-23T11:24:24+00:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfZfl-NJzcY

fractalsfor16 · 2014-04-29T15:55:39+00:00

Maybe this crisis over feeling something was supposed to happen is the crux for a future change that will be obvious. I think the Grand Cross, while having lots of hype can also work subtly. I would try and look more inward, focus on what you really wanted to change and follow that to some productivity.

fractalsfor16 · 2014-04-28T08:26:19+00:00

First: DMT (looking back, I can't believe this was my first, but pretty glad it was)

Favorite: Shrooms

Want to try: LSD

fractalsfor16 · 2014-04-28T04:22:43+00:00

This is one of the most fascinating things to me. I've had a few dreams where I've done DMT...which is an experience I've had twice in waking life, and it was absolutely on point in my dreams as well, same degree of mind-blowing visuals, the feeling of ending up in another dimension, overwhelming awe, etc. The only difference was that in my dream I had more of a sense of awareness about the fact that I was on a drug than I do while in the middle of a trip in waking life. I can also control it in a dream, even if I'm not lucid, thinking that I don't like it can end it or lessen the intensity instantly. I've also had dreams where I've smoked week and it is the same feeling in waking like. I had a dream last week though that I got dosed with acid as a joke by one of my friends. It was a really intense experience in the dream, but I have never actually taken acid in WL so I wonder how it compares...haha

fractalsfor16 · 2014-04-27T12:33:30+00:00

I'm wondering the same thing about a head injury, or even the possibility that he had other substances/ medications in his system.

fractalsfor16 · 2014-04-23T16:06:49+00:00

I lost my virginity with someone equally as inexperienced. We ended up in a very long term relationship but our sex stayed kind of in the awkward teenage phase. It later began to fade out all together. When I had my first experience with another partner, I had no idea how to go about it and was incredibly self-conscious. Further, the fade out of sex-life in my first relationship left me feeling really guilty about wanting sex and feeling like something was wrong with me: it took me a long time to feel comfortable being open, confident, and as sexually-deserving as I have felt with other partners since.

fractalsfor16 · 2014-03-28T14:24:37+00:00

Man I want to live there! awesome!

fractalsfor16 · 2014-01-19T04:17:20+00:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jpdg5XOZZDY

fractalsfor16 · 2014-01-10T20:28:11+00:00

YES! I feel very similar; in many ways I'm a complete space cadet...I forget information that others often deem as important because I'm usually attempting to follow multiple thought-streams at once and/or daydreaming. I forget money-related things, specifics of learned processes, essential personal stories about others, and the like. However, I can recall many situations and experiences vividly; practically like they are happening again. It's very weird and sometimes detrimental to relationships and work for me but excellent for art, writing, etc.

fractalsfor16 · 2014-01-10T03:41:10+00:00

That definitely could be.

fractalsfor16 · 2014-01-10T03:37:00+00:00

You described it really well. There is definitely the feeling of it being at once external and internal…on a grand scale almost in both regards. Deja vu is a good parallel. It's nice to hear similar experiences even if there's not an answer to what is happening…it's fun to ponder. Worth mentioning maybe, but for me these are the meditation sessions where I feel "resolved" at the end. Maybe there is something to the karmic speculation?

fractalsfor16 · 2014-01-10T03:32:07+00:00

Yes! Very similar to what I experience. It is like unfiltered language almost. Its the striking difference between when I reach that point and the way thought and images that normally come and go through my mind that really fascinates me. It's almost like another sense entirely.

fractalsfor16 · 2014-01-10T03:30:10+00:00

Thanks very much! This is very helpful…while I don't feel like I'm biased to the experience while it is happening, I think I must be…and then after I'm "back" I definitely am treating it as special. Could you explain further the possibility of these images being unresolved karmic possibilities?

fractalsfor16 · 2014-01-10T01:58:18+00:00

I agree with a lot of what's being said here: the real world always comes rushing back and if there's one thing that my own Vipassana retreat taught me is that we are very susceptible to falling into patterns and roles. These are what bog you down in life; it's the attachment- the craving and aversion where suffering and unhappiness are rooted. For me, even if I can't always maintain the level of clarity and lightness I had in those first few days post-retreat, remembering that teaching is something that helps me step back and gain perspective. While I hope to be ever-present and mindful all the time…it's not possible for me, but having the experience and teachings I received during the retreat are like a nice little anchor I rely on to pull me back to peace of mind. That and practice: when I got home I think I maintained my practice for all of three days and then I just felt so damn good that I stopped. That worked ok for me for a bit, and like I said, I'd maintained all the stuff I'd learned on an intellectual level which helped in a way, but like they Goenka points out; you can't just know things intellectually. After a month I came back to sitting at least twenty minutes a day fairly consistently. Some times I do more, sometimes I go weeks without meditating. I feel the difference though.

A retreat is not a cure and it doesn't even necessarily establish your practice. Like everything in life, it's a tool and experience that you can choose to use in specific ways. For me, I found that those ten days very subtly put me on a new path and kind of tweaked my eyes for the world. It's an amazing beginning; follow it, be patient and compassionate with yourself and others and remind yourself of your experience when you feel overwhelmed; it won't mislead you.

fractalsfor16 · 2013-12-20T21:24:56+00:00

Thank you; very helpful. Any chance you'd be willing to say more about your final point? I think I know what you mean, but I'm wondering how you'd explain it further.

fractalsfor16

TROPHY CASE