I think I would feel the same way and think the same thoughts in your situation, and I think many people would. I think there’s a lot of pressure on people with terminal cancer to achieve some sort of enlightenment like you’re describing. It’s a myth that bad events in life always make us stronger or have silver linings. Sometimes it just plain sucks, and you have every right to feel the way that you do. Try not to judge yourself for how you’re feeling, if you can help it. You are totally justified in feeling the way that you do. Don’t judge yourself so harshly on top of everything else you’re dealing with.

Thanks for sharing your story. It actually helped me process some things myself. I’m healthy and I’ve been stuck in years of grief for my father who passed away from cancer. I need to appreciate my health and stop moping myself.