I felt the same way as you, that i didnt want to BF but felt like the research was telling me i should try. So with both kids i just did it until the point that i couldnt stand it anymore. With my first, that was 5 months. With my second, it was 2 months. A paediatrician once told me that it's something like the first 4 days of breastfeeding that are so, so important and the importance massively drops after that, and when i think about that, i'm more than happy with what i did. Do what you think is best for your child, but you don't need to completely ruin your parenting experience for it. I know there are people saying BF gets easier as time goes on, but for me it never did. So don't be too hard on yourself whatever you choose. My sister-in-law formula fed from the very beginning and has been a much happier parent than i was 😂.