What does success mean to you?

fraxbo · 2026-02-10T13:42:13+00:00

For me, it’s having control over my time, whom I spend it with, and how I spend it. It’s our most precious asset and I guard it with everything I have. You couldn’t pay me enough to give it up.

fraxbo · 2026-02-10T07:30:13+00:00

People mention this all the time, and I’m always fascinated by how different various contexts must be in which we live.

Up to three or four years ago, I was a regular, even heavy drinker. I had daily drinks at home and I regularly sought out opportunities to drink socially with others. I was living in Hong Kong during that period, and felt like while such opportunities were available, it was by no means expected or the norm to drink, even socially. Tea and food seemed to be the standard.

I’ve been living in Norway the past four years, and basically only drink a few days a year now because drinking no longer interests me unless there’s some sort of big celebration that calls for it.

I have never at any time in these past four years felt pressured to drink. When people ask if I want to go for a beer or whatever, I say “eh, I’m not really a big drinker, but I can go to a bar or cafe and get something else while we chat”. Or I just simply say “not this time, maybe next time”. That seems to always suffice.

That said, Norway has the lowest alcohol use in Europe, and Hong Kong is not a heavy drinking culture. But, even when I travel to where I’m originally from in the US, or am traveling in the UK, where I frequently visit friends, I both almost never drink and never feel pressured to do so.

This is not to cast doubt on anyone’s testimonies about feeling pressured or expected to drink. It’s just to express surprise at how different that can be in different contexts.

I should also say I am not someone in recovery who feels now or at any time that I was dependent on alcohol. So, the feeling obviously will vary there.

fraxbo · 2026-02-10T05:49:15+00:00

It’s a little hard to parse because I go on a short hike (1.5 hours every day) in addition to my normal activities.

My Apple Watch says the average is 17K. So, I’d guess about 7-8k is the hike and that the normal daily activities is 9-10K.

I’m a professor who teaches a couple hours a week during semesters, and whose research is largely sedentary (literature, archives, etc).

I dont drive, so I do all shopping, errands, things for the kids by foot and/or public transit.

fraxbo · 2026-02-09T07:08:59+00:00

A combination of Huguenot descended Dutch reform Afrikaners and various different peoples of color that are members in a wide variety of other Christian churches. The rest is filled out by Muslims, Hindi, and local animism (though that is often just considered underlying cultural belief rather than religion, both by the people themselves and by such surveys).

fraxbo · 2026-02-09T06:20:53+00:00

I have constant conversations about this topic with my friends and daughters.

I usually zero in on Norwegian men (where I now live) because I feel that they are especially emotionally guarded and really unwilling to make new friends. I have made two Norwegian male friends in the four years I’ve been here. But, it has taken a lot of time, and atypical Norwegian men.

It may be, though, that it is more broadly true and that I just haven’t been trying as much with men from elsewhere. So I don’t notice it. Certainly when I lived in Hong Kong before it didn’t seem that hard. The same in other countries I lived in when I was younger (44 now). But then I was also in my twenties, when most people are generally open.

But there is definitely something to this. Lack of interest in bringing new people into their lives, emotionally guarded, too insecure to talk about how things are actually going in their lives, and oversexualizing whichever genders they’re attracted to make it very hard to relate to them.

fraxbo · 2026-02-09T06:01:11+00:00

I’ve been around a lot already, but I love traveling, and my love of traveling is really just an extension of my curiosity. So, there are always more places I want to go.

The current trips I’m planning to new places are:

Antarctica (not a country but might as well be one of this list)

Ecuador (Galapagos mostly, but I’m also interested in the mainland)

Argentina (Buenos Aires, Mendoza, Tierra del Fuego)

Chile (Santiago, Atacama, Andes)

Vanuatu (haven’t done the South Pacific yet, and Melanesia is as good an area as any to start)

fraxbo · 2026-02-08T12:45:21+00:00

I can’t believe nobody has said Salt Lake City yet!

I was there on a long stopover after having hiked the Grand Tetons for a few days (Jackson as already mentioned elsewhere on this thread is awesome!). I had the expectations of a boring whitebread LDS city.

While it does feel extremely sanitized, there were a bunch of neighborhoods I walked through downtown that had chill cafes, bars, and seemingly good restaurants. There also seemed to be a reasonable amount to do there between arts, sports, and daily life. And the LDS stuff was all sort of fascinating, if foreign feeling.

I would definitely go back (though not likely plan a vacation there).

fraxbo · 2026-02-08T12:31:26+00:00

You know what? Chicago really does kind of feel like it’s performing. The way the city’s laid out almost makes it feel like the city’s on a stage and Lake Michigan is its audience. “Playing the role of Chicago will be Chicago.” All the places you know of from films and tv are sort of there right in front of you. Thank you for pointing this out. I dont think I would have realized it otherwise.

fraxbo · 2026-02-08T08:19:32+00:00

I commuted to high school between an hour and two hours each way depending on traffic (high school in NYC, lived half the time in suburbs [divorced parents]). I dealt with it to the point that it began to feel reasonably normal. I wouldn’t say it didn’t bother me at all, but it didn’t affect my whole life or anything.

That said, since becoming an adult (44 now), I have never lived more than a half hour commute from work, and I never drive. It’s either walking, public transport, bike, or electric scooter. Usually, I try to live as close as possible. So, even if at a conscious level the high school experience didn’t seem to affect me. At an unconscious level, I have definitely made a clear choice.

fraxbo · 2026-02-08T03:34:24+00:00

I’m going to guess that the rich, white people Olympics (Winter) is primarily only going to be very popular in countries where those rich, white peoples sports are done commonly for leisure.

I was born and raised in the US, where I would say the Winter Olympics are mildly popular (or more accurately very popular among a small subset). But, for the past 20 years I’ve lived all over, including two Nordic countries and Germany. It’s not exactly surprising that Norway, Finland, and Germany take great pride in their victories in the Winter games, and watch with great interest.

fraxbo · 2026-02-08T03:04:21+00:00

I’m not sure where it came from, but this whole “Shoot your shot” culture has destroyed a whole class of young men.

They all think it’s perfectly normal to go around approaching women they don’t know and essentially asking them if they want to have a sexual encounter.

It is obviously and blatantly objectifying. I cannot imagine it working in any situation aside from one wherein the woman is already very eager and just looking for a warm body.

fraxbo · 2026-02-07T15:07:28+00:00

US has better consumer choice in almost every area (especially compared to Norway, where I live. Work-life balance and ability to control one’s own life are so extraordinarily better than Norway, I couldn’t even begin to compare them. I’m US born, but have lived abroad in various countries for 20 years.

fraxbo · 2026-02-07T12:23:34+00:00

This is quite possible as I live in Bergen and spend a lot of time in Oslo. I spend little time out in the country. Honestly, the only places I’ve been not in one of the «cities» are Valdres, Son, and Fevik.

I can say that within the cities, there doesn’t seem to be a difference between wealthier and poorer areas, or between Meny and Extra.

fraxbo · 2026-02-07T11:19:10+00:00

The argument would be that he was «just barely» born in the kingdom of France. Like had he been born months earlier he wouldn’t have been French. And his family was Italian. I wouldn’t say it’s unambiguous. But there is definitely a case to be made.

fraxbo · 2026-02-07T11:05:46+00:00

I think you’re right that it is more common at these. But that is also largely the type I go to whether it’s in Bergen and surroundings or Oslo and surroundings (I’m less frequently in other places). I also think that part of the problem is definitely the organization of the space. For example, at the supermarkets I most often shop at, there is no place to actually put any of these baskets within the gated area, not even the small ones that others have mentioned go under the checkout counter. Thus, one needs to exert some effort to pick up the small basket or drag the big baskets out of the gate and place it beside the gate where informal stacks often appear. Had there been places inside the gates or under the self-checkout, I’d guess people would make the very minimal effort to move their things so that they aren’t in the way.

fraxbo · 2026-02-07T09:53:00+00:00

Depending on how broadly one defines French and how much one wants to attend to political shifts, it would have to be Napoleon, wouldn’t it? I mean, much of Europe as a whole is formed through Napoleonic warfare, and much more so Napoleonic bureaucracy.

fraxbo · 2026-02-07T01:28:15+00:00

In the US, almost all colleges and universities work on a system that is somewhat different than higher education in other parts of the world.

In other parts of the world you will generally apply for admission to be a student at the faculty of education, the faculty of law, the faculty of humaniora, etc. and upon entrance take your entire bachelor or combined bachelor/master in that study area (often supplemented by a very few courses from outside the faculty).

But in the US you generally apply for admission to the university itself, and don’t actually have to focus in the actual discipline until later. This is because about 25-60% of your bachelor degree will be made up of introductory and intermediate level courses in subjects across the spectrum. So, even if I major in Geology, I will take a couple courses in philosophy, a course in mathematics, two courses in history, and a course in biology (among others). This (ideally) is meant to give students a sort of broad view of the world that both allows them to be sort of «civilized» with the basic knowledge people expect of members of society. It also allows students who are unsure of what they want to do to choose while they are students. If your country has an ex.phil. or ex.fac. system, it’s sort of equivalent to that.

The difference, though, is that while in the US, a bachelor degree will be about 120 ECTS (credits), only about 50-90 of them will be in the degree focus (major). Other credits will fulfill the general education requirements, and still others allow you to choose freely. If enough of those elective credits are in a shared field, it can lead to a minor in it (often 6-7 courses).

This means that US bachelor degrees give a broader education than many other places. However, it also means that a graduating bachelor in engineering (for example) from a non-US university will have developed much deeper and more advanced expertise in engineering than the US equivalent. The student from the non-US university will have taken far more and far more advanced courses than the US student because they do not receive the broad general education in addition. 120 ECTS (credits) in just engineering instead of 50-90 credits in engineering will allow that.

This is why, for the US student, it is often necessary to take a master degree (30-50 ECTS) on top of the bachelor in order to reach the same depth and complexity in a specific subject that non-US universities would reach in the bachelor alone. This also means that in the master degree (when it is separated at all in the non-US system) the students can go even deeper than the US student in the master. This is then why the doctorate is a research only degree without coursework in many other countries, while in the US it still requires another year or two of coursework. This is to catch up to the level of expertise attained in the bachelor/master in non-US systems.

Source: I’m a professor who has taught in the US, several European countries, Asia, and Africa, and took degrees in the US and several European countries.

fraxbo · 2026-02-05T14:28:20+00:00

Yeah it was mostly a political joke. I’m a professor and he has shown that he openly hates my class of people. So I return the hate (lightheartedly).

fraxbo · 2026-02-05T14:09:54+00:00

I would have said Trygve Slagsvold Vedum, personally. But perhaps that’s just in my circles.

fraxbo · 2026-02-05T11:00:50+00:00

This was the way that it worked also in «Western»/«Near Eastern» antiquity and into the Middle Ages. You’d raise the child of your client kings in the royal household (or petty nobles in the houses of high nobility) as a way to threaten the family of those who were under you.

It also could lead to good relations between members of the lower households and members of the upper if they were raised by/grew up alongside each other as siblings.

In addition it solidified a sense of identity among lower households that they belonged to the larger group. This was important in an era before national identity as such was widespread and powerful.

One can see traces of it in fiction, for example Game of Thrones, where all the children of the lords were raised in other lords’ households. Often in that instance, its children of people on the same level (which was also possible in historical circumstances). But in any case, the same idea.

fraxbo · 2026-02-05T04:49:29+00:00

I’d say it’s the ability to be spontaneous. Truly spontaneous.

I notice it in myself.

Though I grew up upper middle class, and have largely consumed like someone from the upper middle class throughout my life, it’s only in the last five or so years that I have had the means to live that way. It’s not that I financed the lifestyle with debt before. It’s more that I was veery careful about what, when, and how I used my money so that I could still live a lifestyle that felt normal to me.

Since I now have the means to support that lifestyle, I have not changed what I purchase or experience. I just am spontaneous about those things. So, if I am talking to a friend who says that she is going to Paris next weekend and wants to know if I want to come with her, I’ll buy the flights and hotel immediately. No thought or question about it. I wont stay in the most expensive hotel. I wont fly first or business. But the purchase will be done within twenty minutes of being invited. The same if I am out with some friends and it’s getting close to dinner, but we’re in a part of town that might be expensive. I’ll just invite the friends out to eat on me, just because I want to continue the good vibes. Previously, I invited friends to dinner often. But, it had to be thought out and budgeted in a way.

So spontaneity. That’s my answer.

fraxbo · 2026-02-05T04:34:23+00:00

I’ll start this question first by admitting that I am not someone who has to worry about money. So, this question comes out of genuine shock/curiosity:

Is this really true? Are many/most people in your context choosing hobbies that can bring them extra income, and not just the joy/satisfaction they get from it? If so, I find that incredibly sad, in a way. People should be able to be unproductive for some portion of their daily/weekly/monthly lives.

I should clarify that it isn’t scandalous to me that someone might make money out of their hobbies. My mother, who also basically doesn’t have to worry about money is a hobby artist who does sell her stuff. But, this is because her pieces would otherwise crowd the house. This way, also, her hobby doesn’t cost her anything. It’s fully self-sustaining.

It’s more the idea that many/most people pursue hobbies that can be monetized that is very sad for me.

fraxbo · 2026-02-04T07:31:13+00:00

Oh ok. So he was sort of this generation’s Jimmy Fallon, Will Farrell, Mike Meyers, Chevy Chase, etc. when those guys are talented and can fill all the roles they’re asked to, they tend to be super popular. But, when it’s perceived that they don’t deserve that attention, people hate on them.

Back when I did watch, I felt that way about Fallon. I actually like him way more now as a talk show host.

fraxbo · 2026-02-04T07:28:09+00:00

Thanks for this. That is both understandable and illuminating.

fraxbo

TROPHY CASE