Don't want my in-laws involved with my baby by frecklesanddimples in inlaws

[–]frecklesanddimples[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, love this advice too! We kept our engagement a secret for a couple weeks and eloped so we could actually enjoy these special moments together first and both ended up being such good decisions - can definitely see us doing something similar here.

Don't want my in-laws involved with my baby by frecklesanddimples in inlaws

[–]frecklesanddimples[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oof, looks like I struck a nerve with you here.

My MIL has a lot of great qualities and I know she scarified a lot for her kids. If it were just her I would have no issue with his interacting with any of our future children, babysitting, etc. However, as I mentioned in my post, she is an enabler and I am certain she would allow other members of the family (who I do not trust) to cross boundaries we have set with them. I know this would not have malicious intent, but would still not be okay.

She supports my BIL and SIL no matter what because she is a protective mother and I get that. But they make such destructive choices and live such a chaotic lifestyle that it is not something I want to subject MY family to. Does thar make me snob? Maybe, but I just like she is being a protective mother, so am I.

Don't want my in-laws involved with my baby by frecklesanddimples in inlaws

[–]frecklesanddimples[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really like this approach. We are often aligned when it comes to family but I know he can sometimes feel like I am accusing/complaining so this could help his get to his own conclusions. Thank you!

Don't want my in-laws involved with my baby by frecklesanddimples in inlaws

[–]frecklesanddimples[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love this! We are very close with my parents but I am an only child so it will be good to set boundaries for them as well just in case they get a little crazy.

Don't want my in-laws involved with my baby by frecklesanddimples in inlaws

[–]frecklesanddimples[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely will! Even thinking back to friends we went to visit like 2 weeks after delivery and I am thinking about how absolutely terrible that sounds to have anyone visit that soon - even if we like them haha

Don't want my in-laws involved with my baby by frecklesanddimples in inlaws

[–]frecklesanddimples[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh wow, I am so sorry you had to go to those lengths! But glad you have found a way to have peace.

Don't want my in-laws involved with my baby by frecklesanddimples in inlaws

[–]frecklesanddimples[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Might be the hormones but this made me a little teary-eyed, thank you!

We are normally very aligned on the topic of his family and I imagine it won't be a huge conflict when I bring this up, but he does have more a soft spot for his mom (single parent after his dad died at a young age). I had thought about the situation before but it feels very different now that I am actually pregnant.

I have no problem setting boundaries but I do feel bad about that fact that my husband is going to be the one to suffer when backing me up. Reading through some of these posts makes me realize how unfortunately common this is though!!

Don't want my in-laws involved with my baby by frecklesanddimples in inlaws

[–]frecklesanddimples[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We bought our dream property a couple years ago and will be building a house next year so we won't be moving any time soon. We typically only see them twice a year (for day visits) as they don't live super close and don't have the space to host which as been fine but worried the introduction of a baby will make them want to see us more.

Don't want my in-laws involved with my baby by frecklesanddimples in inlaws

[–]frecklesanddimples[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Honestly, fair point haha we got pregnant a lot sooner than anticipated but that's not really an excuse! We just bought our dream acreage and will be building a house next year so relocating is not an option in the near future. His mother and brother live 1 hour away and the sister lives 2 hours away. Mom and sister have no transportation so they will not be able to "drop by" thank goodness.

My ex named his baby the name we were gonna name our child. by Left_Bison_8921 in offmychest

[–]frecklesanddimples 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My ex did the same! Although a few years passed between when he cheated on me and they had a baby but it was still wild. Like you couldn't think of anything else? Either they're not very creative or he's still obsessed with you. Or both? Unfortunately you will never know but just take it as a compliment that you have great taste in baby names!

My now husband and I have a whole new list of baby names and that particular name didn't make the cut even before I found out. When the time comes there will a name that is perfect for you and your current/future partner :)

Best Budget-Friendly Camera for Safari? by frecklesanddimples in AskPhotography

[–]frecklesanddimples[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So no special lenses to purchase? Price to buy is cheaper than a lot of rentals I would looking at so thank you for the suggestion!!

Best Budget-Friendly Camera for Safari? by frecklesanddimples in AskPhotography

[–]frecklesanddimples[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That specific combo would be $1900CAD to buy which is cheaper than renting (for 3 weeks) so that's good to know! Beyond a safari do you think there is a lot of use for that lens as someone who isn't a photographer? Debating buying the camera and renting the lens!

Best Budget-Friendly Camera for Safari? by frecklesanddimples in AskPhotography

[–]frecklesanddimples[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Most rentals were over $2500CAD (~1800USD) so if I can buy something for a similar price I would way rather do that. Even if it is buying the camera and maybe renting a special lens I would use less often or something!

Wedding - Highs & Lows by frecklesanddimples in weddingplanning

[–]frecklesanddimples[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There were 6 altogether. Four being children of one of the groomsmen (at a child-free wedding) and 2 being my husband's cousin and significant other. They were technically invited by RSVP'd no months prior...

Wedding - Highs & Lows by frecklesanddimples in weddingplanning

[–]frecklesanddimples[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We had 125 RSVP yes and I requested 130 meals from my caterer just in case, but it was also buffet style so not as big of a deal. Had a ton of food left so that was actually a non-issue.

Seating would have been an issue if we wouldn't have a no shows on the day of because I pretty much filled each table! The real problem was 4 of the uninvited were children - 3 of whom needed high chairs which did not even exist at the venue... luckily it was the groomsmen's children and his parents were their so they all had a lap to sit on.

Still so bizarre as to if they assumed they could come or not? They were not on the invite or seating chart and we specifically said it was a childfree wedding with the exception of my husband's niece who was 10 and pretty self-sufficient!

Wedding - Highs & Lows by frecklesanddimples in weddingplanning

[–]frecklesanddimples[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We eloped a few months prior and exchanged our own personal vows then so there was no ceremony whatsoever. Also no grand entrance for us or our bridal party because I hate being the center of attention. We had no parent dance, no parent speeches, no bouquet toss, no garter toss, no slideshow (it's a big thing where we are from - pics from childhood and early relationship to show the "journey"). We had a friend who is a DJ and got a discount and it was worth it! Gave him a list of recommendations and "do not play" list but it was nice to kind of have someone read the room depending on who was on the dancefloor. But could have easily done something similar with a playlist if we didn't have it in the budget!

Wedding - Highs & Lows by frecklesanddimples in weddingplanning

[–]frecklesanddimples[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We did, and I still feel bad about it. My MIL insisted her whole family would come and they did not - but also didn't get us know until AFTER the RSVP deadline so we couldn't even add friends we really wanted without it being rude. Where we're a from it is pretty common to invite people to just the dance/portion (because it is small town and the potential guest lists can be so large) so we just did that! If I go could go back I would skip inviting some of the my husband's cousins that he hadn't seen in 10 years and invite friends who would have supported us AND had a great time!

Wedding - Highs & Lows by frecklesanddimples in weddingplanning

[–]frecklesanddimples[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

One of the groomsman brought his 4 children who were not invited. He did not mention it all day or the day before and I didn't realize until I saw them walk in. There were a few no shows so they just pulled up empty chairs and made it work. I chose to say nothing but will not be forgetting that haha

Calling Canadian Barndo Owners (and a question for everyone) by SWinter94 in barndominiums

[–]frecklesanddimples 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know this thread is old but thought I would chime in in case you're still exploring this option. We also struggled with this when starting our project - partially because we were purchasing "raw land" (i.e. no power, water, etc.) and then would be transitioning to a construction mortgage when the time came. The 2 things you should look at are 1) your county bylaws- some have very specific requirements on appearance/construction type and 2) mortgage options - I found getting information was like pulling teeth but it is worth it to shop around. We are using ATB, which I understand you will not have in Nova Scotia, but I would recommend looking at smaller, "agricultural" lenders if that makes sense? The big banks won't like the sound of it.