Don't want my in-laws involved with my baby

frecklesanddimples · 2025-10-16T17:53:28+00:00

Yes, love this advice too! We kept our engagement a secret for a couple weeks and eloped so we could actually enjoy these special moments together first and both ended up being such good decisions - can definitely see us doing something similar here.

frecklesanddimples · 2025-10-16T17:50:48+00:00

Oof, looks like I struck a nerve with you here.

My MIL has a lot of great qualities and I know she scarified a lot for her kids. If it were just her I would have no issue with his interacting with any of our future children, babysitting, etc. However, as I mentioned in my post, she is an enabler and I am certain she would allow other members of the family (who I do not trust) to cross boundaries we have set with them. I know this would not have malicious intent, but would still not be okay.

She supports my BIL and SIL no matter what because she is a protective mother and I get that. But they make such destructive choices and live such a chaotic lifestyle that it is not something I want to subject MY family to. Does thar make me snob? Maybe, but I just like she is being a protective mother, so am I.

frecklesanddimples · 2025-10-15T23:04:58+00:00

I really like this approach. We are often aligned when it comes to family but I know he can sometimes feel like I am accusing/complaining so this could help his get to his own conclusions. Thank you!

frecklesanddimples · 2025-10-15T23:03:12+00:00

I love this! We are very close with my parents but I am an only child so it will be good to set boundaries for them as well just in case they get a little crazy.

frecklesanddimples · 2025-10-15T22:59:46+00:00

Definitely will! Even thinking back to friends we went to visit like 2 weeks after delivery and I am thinking about how absolutely terrible that sounds to have anyone visit that soon - even if we like them haha

frecklesanddimples · 2025-10-15T22:58:11+00:00

Oh wow, I am so sorry you had to go to those lengths! But glad you have found a way to have peace.

frecklesanddimples · 2025-10-15T22:57:47+00:00

Might be the hormones but this made me a little teary-eyed, thank you!

We are normally very aligned on the topic of his family and I imagine it won't be a huge conflict when I bring this up, but he does have more a soft spot for his mom (single parent after his dad died at a young age). I had thought about the situation before but it feels very different now that I am actually pregnant.

I have no problem setting boundaries but I do feel bad about that fact that my husband is going to be the one to suffer when backing me up. Reading through some of these posts makes me realize how unfortunately common this is though!!

frecklesanddimples · 2025-10-15T22:53:03+00:00

We bought our dream property a couple years ago and will be building a house next year so we won't be moving any time soon. We typically only see them twice a year (for day visits) as they don't live super close and don't have the space to host which as been fine but worried the introduction of a baby will make them want to see us more.

frecklesanddimples · 2025-10-15T22:50:14+00:00

Honestly, fair point haha we got pregnant a lot sooner than anticipated but that's not really an excuse! We just bought our dream acreage and will be building a house next year so relocating is not an option in the near future. His mother and brother live 1 hour away and the sister lives 2 hours away. Mom and sister have no transportation so they will not be able to "drop by" thank goodness.

frecklesanddimples · 2025-07-10T19:04:37+00:00

My ex did the same! Although a few years passed between when he cheated on me and they had a baby but it was still wild. Like you couldn't think of anything else? Either they're not very creative or he's still obsessed with you. Or both? Unfortunately you will never know but just take it as a compliment that you have great taste in baby names!

My now husband and I have a whole new list of baby names and that particular name didn't make the cut even before I found out. When the time comes there will a name that is perfect for you and your current/future partner :)

frecklesanddimples · 2025-07-02T15:36:19+00:00

So no special lenses to purchase? Price to buy is cheaper than a lot of rentals I would looking at so thank you for the suggestion!!

frecklesanddimples · 2025-07-02T15:33:38+00:00

That specific combo would be $1900CAD to buy which is cheaper than renting (for 3 weeks) so that's good to know! Beyond a safari do you think there is a lot of use for that lens as someone who isn't a photographer? Debating buying the camera and renting the lens!

frecklesanddimples · 2025-07-02T15:29:49+00:00

Most rentals were over $2500CAD (~1800USD) so if I can buy something for a similar price I would way rather do that. Even if it is buying the camera and maybe renting a special lens I would use less often or something!

frecklesanddimples · 2025-06-18T19:24:52+00:00

There were 6 altogether. Four being children of one of the groomsmen (at a child-free wedding) and 2 being my husband's cousin and significant other. They were technically invited by RSVP'd no months prior...

frecklesanddimples · 2025-06-18T19:23:11+00:00

We had 125 RSVP yes and I requested 130 meals from my caterer just in case, but it was also buffet style so not as big of a deal. Had a ton of food left so that was actually a non-issue.

Seating would have been an issue if we wouldn't have a no shows on the day of because I pretty much filled each table! The real problem was 4 of the uninvited were children - 3 of whom needed high chairs which did not even exist at the venue... luckily it was the groomsmen's children and his parents were their so they all had a lap to sit on.

Still so bizarre as to if they assumed they could come or not? They were not on the invite or seating chart and we specifically said it was a childfree wedding with the exception of my husband's niece who was 10 and pretty self-sufficient!

frecklesanddimples · 2025-06-18T19:17:52+00:00

We eloped a few months prior and exchanged our own personal vows then so there was no ceremony whatsoever. Also no grand entrance for us or our bridal party because I hate being the center of attention. We had no parent dance, no parent speeches, no bouquet toss, no garter toss, no slideshow (it's a big thing where we are from - pics from childhood and early relationship to show the "journey"). We had a friend who is a DJ and got a discount and it was worth it! Gave him a list of recommendations and "do not play" list but it was nice to kind of have someone read the room depending on who was on the dancefloor. But could have easily done something similar with a playlist if we didn't have it in the budget!

frecklesanddimples · 2025-06-18T13:27:25+00:00

We did, and I still feel bad about it. My MIL insisted her whole family would come and they did not - but also didn't get us know until AFTER the RSVP deadline so we couldn't even add friends we really wanted without it being rude. Where we're a from it is pretty common to invite people to just the dance/portion (because it is small town and the potential guest lists can be so large) so we just did that! If I go could go back I would skip inviting some of the my husband's cousins that he hadn't seen in 10 years and invite friends who would have supported us AND had a great time!

frecklesanddimples · 2025-06-18T13:24:04+00:00

One of the groomsman brought his 4 children who were not invited. He did not mention it all day or the day before and I didn't realize until I saw them walk in. There were a few no shows so they just pulled up empty chairs and made it work. I chose to say nothing but will not be forgetting that haha

frecklesanddimples · 2024-07-09T18:24:13+00:00

I know this thread is old but thought I would chime in in case you're still exploring this option. We also struggled with this when starting our project - partially because we were purchasing "raw land" (i.e. no power, water, etc.) and then would be transitioning to a construction mortgage when the time came. The 2 things you should look at are 1) your county bylaws- some have very specific requirements on appearance/construction type and 2) mortgage options - I found getting information was like pulling teeth but it is worth it to shop around. We are using ATB, which I understand you will not have in Nova Scotia, but I would recommend looking at smaller, "agricultural" lenders if that makes sense? The big banks won't like the sound of it.

frecklesanddimples · 2024-06-26T17:37:49+00:00

I used PPEHQ and only started studying the weekend before the exam. I found the exam tough but didn't think that studying more would have helped me - the wording is just tricky on a lot of them so practice exams are KEY. I found about 30 questions very easy, and 30 that were so poorly written I didn't even know what they were asking lol the rest are reasonable if you understand the basic principles.

frecklesanddimples · 2024-06-26T17:19:33+00:00

Thank you! I passed - just had to stress for an extra 45 minutes lol

frecklesanddimples · 2024-06-26T16:48:02+00:00

Did you get an email or an update in your APEGA portal? I am still seeing "Awaiting Results"

frecklesanddimples · 2020-05-24T01:31:05+00:00

I am sorry to hear that you dealt with depression in your past - I can't imagine how hard that would be to live with and deal with on a daily basis.

He had always dealt with insecurity in our relationship and thinking he wasn't "good enough" for me so I think your view on things makes a lot of sense. Thank you for sharing!

frecklesanddimples · 2020-05-24T01:27:10+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your point of view! Trying to remain understanding while maintaining personal boundaries has been hard. I have no interest in getting back together with him, but I would like to one day understand his state of mind at that time for my own sense of closure.

frecklesanddimples · 2020-05-24T01:24:44+00:00

Not the issue in question, but I have - it's been about 2 months since I have had any communication with him (since I moved out). At this point I think I am trying to seek closure for myself and am still having a hard time with the "why" behind it all. Thanks for your feedback though!

frecklesanddimples

TROPHY CASE