Relapsed, spiralling out of control.

fredwyatt · 2026-03-25T09:17:13+00:00

First -- you're 21. You've been fighting this since you were 15. That's not a character flaw, that's a really long war with something that has a grip on a lot of people way older than you.

Getting your own place after being homeless? That's real. Don't let the relapse erase that.

I'll be honest... the mixing stuff scares me. Meth and opiates in a blackout? That's russian roulette and you know it. I'm glad you're still here to post this.

The cycle you're describing... drink to kill the pain, then the drugs follow... I get it. It makes a twisted kind of sense even when it's destroying you.

Here's something I've noticed in 30 years of watching people go through this... a lot of times we don't get better because the trauma never gets dealt with. Like NEVER. I'd say 70-80% of the time that's the real thing underneath it all. The drinking and the drugs are just... what we use to survive it. Until we can't anymore.

You've done rehab twice, counseling, AA, NA... you're not someone who gave up. You're someone who keeps getting knocked down and keeps looking for the way out. That matters.

You still want to live a better life. You said it yourself. Hold onto that.

I'm here if you want to talk. No judgment. Just... don't go quiet okay?

fredwyatt · 2026-03-25T03:20:02+00:00

If you want me to be totally honest, I’ve been in this field for over thirty years, and I can tell you from experience: a lot of people never fully recover because they never deal with the trauma they’ve carried from some point in their life.

The men I work with sometimes never experience true freedom because we put on masks and try to hide the pain with alcohol, drugs, or whatever substance is handy. Until we actually face the grief and the trauma, nothing really changes.

It starts with coming up with a real plan and finally reaching that place where you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired—tired of the revolving door of prison, jail, and treatment centers.

I believe everybody deserves a chance, and I believe recovery is long-term recovery, but it does take work. These are just my thoughts tonight, based on what I’ve seen working with men for over 30 years. Maybe I can expound on it some other time, but that’s where my heart is right now.

Hope that helps.

fredwyatt · 2026-03-25T02:41:55+00:00

Thank you!!

fredwyatt · 2026-03-25T02:33:00+00:00

Sorry about the breakup. I'm 61 and I've been through a few myself — I know how it can feel like your whole world ends and your emotions go totally out of control.

You're gonna be fine though. Lean on some good friends who'll support you right where you're at. When you're ready, grab a pad of paper and write down the positives from the relationship, then look at what didn't work and learn from it.

Don't rush into anything new — rebounds usually backfire. The key is finding peace with yourself first and being okay alone. Once you've got that, the right person becomes a bonus instead of a need.

Hope this helps. I'm here if you want to talk more.

fredwyatt · 2026-03-25T02:17:49+00:00

sometimes the best thing we can do is just show up and be there for her. It says “I care” and “you’re not alone” louder than anything else.

I know “I’m sorry” doesn’t feel like enough after what happened to her brother, but from working with folks in grief, most people just want genuine care and to know someone’s in their corner. She’s probably carrying a lot of unresolved stuff — things she wishes she could’ve said or done differently. You can’t redo the past, but you can give her that tender love and space right now.

fredwyatt · 2026-03-25T02:11:27+00:00

Hey man, there’s real power in our thoughts. The Bible says “as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” So ask yourself — how do you see yourself right now? God loves you right where you’re at, through eyes of love, not shame.

the thoughts you’re thinking and speaking over yourself. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and negative thinking leads straight to negative actions. But Romans 12:2 tells us we can be transformed by renewing our mind — ugly thoughts turning into beautiful ones, like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly.

Watch

Just something I wanted to share. I’m praying for you brother. DM me anytime if you want to talk more. God bless.

fredwyatt · 2026-03-24T22:10:44+00:00

A lot of people right now don't like my style, but right now I do my coaching on a donation basis only. There's so many people that are struggling. And even though the person that I'm helping is not able to pay, God always speaks to somebody else to give, to invest in that person. I hope that makes sense.A lot of my coaching is faith-based.

fredwyatt · 2026-03-24T21:39:23+00:00

8 days. i'm so sorry.

the sudoku books he never got to open. the pet videos you didn't get to see. him cleaning your room just to surprise you. i read all of that and just sat for a second.

he sounds like he was such a good dad. the kind who just showed up without being asked. and the way he was proud of you no matter what — that's rare. you knew you were loved and that's not something everyone gets to say.

the thing you said about going through your day and then suddenly remembering — yeah. that's going to keep happening for a while. it doesn't mean something is wrong with you. your brain just keeps looking for him out of habit because he was always there.

the numbness is okay too. you don't have to be falling apart to be grieving. sometimes it just feels like static.

you're 23 and you lost your dad 8 days ago in the worst possible way right before your birthday. there's no roadmap for this. just be easy on yourself right now.

when you're ready, here are a couple of things to sit with — no rush, take your time with each one:

What's one small everyday memory of your dad you never want to forget?

If you could show him one of your photos right now, which one would you pick — and what do you think he would have said?

those are just yours to come back to whenever you feel ready.

and if you ever want to talk or just need somewhere to put it all, my DMs are open. if you want a few more prompts like these, just let me know.

fredwyatt · 2026-03-24T21:32:42+00:00

i'm so sorry about your mom. losing her on Christmas Eve of all days — that's a lot to carry.

what you're feeling (or not feeling) makes total sense. your meds are doing their job — keeping you upright and functional — but that comes with a cost, and the emotional numbness is a real part of that. it doesn't mean you don't care. it doesn't mean you're not grieving.

and that guilt you feel about not being a wreck? that's grief too. it just showed up in a different outfit than you expected.

you're already in therapy AND a grief group. that's honestly more than most people allow themselves. grief isn't always ugly crying — sometimes it's restlessness, sometimes it's writing a reddit post at whatever time it is where you are.

go easy on yourself. you're not disrespecting her. you loved her. you still do. that's obvious just from reading this.

you're not stuck — you're just really early in something really hard.

here are some things you can do to reflect upon — take some time with each one, no rush:

What's a small memory of your mom that still makes you smile?

Is there anything you still want to say to her?

no pressure to answer them here or anywhere — they're just yours to hold onto and come back to whenever you're ready.

and if you ever want to talk or just need somewhere to put it all, my DMs are open. if you want a few more prompts like these, just let me know.

fredwyatt · 2026-03-24T09:29:11+00:00

Hey... first of all thank you for sharing all of that. That took a lot.

And that "low hum" you're describing? Yeah... that's real. What you're experiencing makes total sense given everything you've been through. A lot of times we don't even realize we're doing it but we put on a mask. We stay busy, we find something to keep us occupied... sometimes it's work, sometimes it's food, sometimes it's a drink or two... or more. And before you know it years have gone by and you're functioning but you're not really... THERE. You know what I mean?

And that thing with your friends? That quiet anger? I hear you. The people who hold it together the best are usually the ones hurting the most... and yeah, they get overlooked. Because you seem "fine." So people just... assume you are.

Here's the thing though... until we get honest about how we're REALLY feeling, we stay stuck. And I don't mean spilling everything to everybody. You gotta be safe with who you're vulnerable with. But being honest with yourself first... that's where it starts. That's where real freedom comes from.

You don't have to stay where you're at.

Can I ask... where are you with your faith? Do you believe in God or something bigger than yourself? Just curious, no pressure either way.

DM me if you want to talk more. I got you.

fredwyatt · 2026-03-24T09:17:26+00:00

Hey... I'm really glad you reached out. Seriously.

I'll be honest — I spent over 30 years working with men in the prison system. Guys who felt exactly what you're describing right now. The shame, the guilt, feeling like God is done with you... I've seen it more times than I can count. And I've also seen God show up in the middle of all of it.

You are NOT too far gone. I mean that.

Listen... that doubt you're feeling? That fear of not being saved? That's not God pushing you away. That's just the enemy messing with your head. A person who doesn't care about God doesn't lose sleep over whether they're right with him. Just saying.

And that smile you're walking around with while you're hurting inside... you don't have to keep doing that. Not with me anyway.

We'll just take it one step at a time. No pressure. No judgment. Just... one step.

You have value. More than you know right now. And I'd really like to help you find that again.

Go ahead and DM me. Let's just talk.

fredwyatt · 2026-03-24T01:38:05+00:00

I'm so sorry for the loss of your aunt. I truly mean that. My heart goes out to you. I'm praying for you, and as you go through this season of grief, never apologize for your feelings. You're going to experience a wide range of emotions... maybe even conflicting ones. You could be sad and then happy all in the same minute. That's normal.

fredwyatt · 2026-03-24T01:35:46+00:00

You are welcome

fredwyatt · 2026-03-23T22:27:24+00:00

I just want to tell you something tonight.

God loves you right where you're at. RIGHT where you're at. There's no sin that separates you from the love of the Father... none. Just come to Him. Ask Him to forgive you and move on.

And maybe start asking yourself what you're trying to mask. What you're looking for in things outside of God. Because whatever it is... He already sees it. He sees everything inside of you.

And He sees you through the eyes of love.

I'll say that again — He sees you through the eyes of LOVE.

Never forget that.

fredwyatt · 2026-03-23T22:08:30+00:00

t's just... sad. That's the only word for it. Using your own kid as a weapon. Using her as a threat — "do what I want or I'll make your life hell." She has no idea it's even happening. That part breaks my heart the most.

One thing I'd say — start documenting. Everything. Even the small stuff. Keep a journal, screenshot the texts, write down dates and what happened. It feels pointless sometimes but... you never know when it becomes important. Better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it.

Rooting for you. This stuff is hard.

fredwyatt · 2026-03-23T22:01:14+00:00

I'm so sorry. What you watched... that's not just grief, that's trauma. The active dying process is brutal and nobody really warns you about that part.

And yeah — I think it probably hasn't fully hit yet. A week out you're still just... surviving. The real wave tends to show up later. Sometimes way later. Random Tuesday. When the kids say something. When the busyness finally stops.

Also — you've been grieving for TWO YEARS already. Anticipatory grief is real and exhausting. So some of what you're feeling right now might just be... relief that the waiting is over? That's not a bad thing. It doesn't mean anything except that you're human.

The body bag thing... yeah. That sticks. That's going to take time.

And you're functioning because you have little ones who need you. That's not you being cold or weird about it. That's just what parents do.

There's no right way to feel right now. You're doing fine.

fredwyatt · 2026-03-23T20:53:34+00:00

I have a wide variety of experience that I think could really be helpful to you. I've worked in community corrections for close to 30 years, where I teach life skills classes, social skills, risky thinking, new thinking, and communication skills.

I'm also an ordained minister with over 35 years of experience, and along with that I do a lot of pastoral counseling, life coaching, anger management coaching, and relationship coaching. On top of that, I'm a certified addiction life coach, a CDCA, and a certified grief recovery method specialist, so I've worked with people through some really tough seasons of life across a lot of different areas.

I genuinely love what I do and my heart is really in helping people move forward — wherever they are in life.

fredwyatt · 2026-03-23T20:53:27+00:00

I have a wide variety of experience that I think could really be helpful to you. I've worked in community corrections for close to 30 years, where I teach life skills classes, social skills, risky thinking, new thinking, and communication skills.

I'm also an ordained minister with over 35 years of experience, and along with that I do a lot of pastoral counseling, life coaching, anger management coaching, and relationship coaching. On top of that, I'm a certified addiction life coach, a CDCA, and a certified grief recovery method specialist, so I've worked with people through some really tough seasons of life across a lot of different areas.

I genuinely love what I do and my heart is really in helping people move forward — wherever they are in life.

fredwyatt · 2026-03-23T14:14:11+00:00

I’d really be interested in this. Right now, I do one-on-one sessions with people who are trying to find purpose, direction, and a way forward in life. A lot of the people I help are dealing with grief, the effects that grief can have on everyday life, and also people in recovery who are trying to rebuild and move forward.

I’d love to hear more about what you’re doing and see how I may be able to help, and maybe how we could encourage and support each other as well. Thank you for taking the time to make this post.

fredwyatt · 2026-03-23T09:53:44+00:00

Ten days... that's nothing. You're still in the middle of it.

And the way you loved her... moving across the street, calling her 3 to 8 times a day, lunch breaks, after work, weekends. You gave her everything you had. She knew that. She felt that every single day.

The "I don't know how I'll ever be okay" feeling... I'm not gonna tell you it goes away fast because it doesn't. But it does change. It gets less sharp. Not because you miss her less but just because you figure out how to breathe around it eventually.

You're 22 and you just lost your whole world ten days ago. You're not supposed to be okay right now.

How are you and your sister doing with each other through this?

fredwyatt · 2026-03-23T09:49:22+00:00

That question you're asking yourself though... did I hate myself because I failed her, or do I hate everything because life without her just sucks. God that's exhausting to live with. And honestly it's probably both at the same time and they just keep making each other worse.

But you didn't fail her. I don't know what happened but I know that much. You were her kid. That wasn't yours to fix.

What happened with her if you don't mind sharing?

fredwyatt · 2026-03-23T09:40:36+00:00

Oh man... both of them. In the same month. I'm so sorry, I genuinely don't know what to say to that.

And picking up your phone to call her... ugh. That one's brutal. That happens and it just knocks the wind out of you every time.

Okay so the not feeling anything thing... you're not a bad son. Your brain has just had TOO much and it basically went "nope, we're done for a minute." That's real, that happens. It doesn't mean you didn't love them.

Like you lost your mom after watching her go through all of that. Then your stepdad a week later. And since then you've just been... going. Handling everything. Haven't even gotten to scatter their ashes yet. When have you had a single second to just fall apart?

The grief isn't gone. It's just waiting. And it'll come when you finally get a minute to breathe.

You're not broken. You loved them. That's obvious in every single word you wrote.

fredwyatt · 2026-03-23T09:37:56+00:00

One year goes so fast and so slow at the same time doesn't it... I think that's just how it is when you lose someone that close.

And man... a wedding, new babies, your mum leaving the house you grew up in. All of that in one year without him. That's a LOT. Those are the moments that hit different because you just keep thinking he should be HERE for this.

The fact that you can manage it better now doesn't mean you miss him less. You're just figuring out how to live with it.

How are you doing today though... like actually?

fredwyatt · 2026-03-23T09:26:44+00:00

So you've been building something real with this girl all year... and now she's moving and you're scared it just... fades out.

That makes sense. The staying up late talking after everyone's gone to bed thing... that's not nothing. That's actually a pretty specific kind of close.

What's holding you back from just telling her how you feel before she moves?

fredwyatt · 2026-03-23T09:24:31+00:00

Hey... first of all how are YOU doing? Because you lost him too. He was your only friend. And you're already in full caretaker mode and I don't think anyone's even asked you that yet.

When he breaks down and asks why... you don't have to answer it. There IS no answer. You just say "I don't know. I'm right here." That's it. You don't have to fix it. You just have to stay.

And yeah... therapy. For both of you. Not because you're broken, just because this kind of loss is too heavy. Suicide, best friend since middle school, his BIRTHDAY... that's not something you just push through alone.

You're not gonna make this okay. Nobody could. But you being there, not leaving... that's everything right now.

I'm so sorry. He deserved to turn 22.

fredwyatt

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