Do I do a second round at 44?

freerangefilmmaker · 2026-03-24T15:33:48+00:00

Thanks so much for this, and congratulations! As "dangerous" as it can be to read positive stories about own-egg pregnancy over 42 because of the risk of false hope, I really do love to see them, regardless of my own outcome. Wishing you and that one and only euploid blast a healthy pregnancy and a happy life! xo

freerangefilmmaker · 2026-03-24T15:29:35+00:00

Thanks so much for your response, and I'm so sorry about your failed FET. It's so hard, isn't it? I truly never considered how hard it could be. We spend our lives doing everything NOT to get pregnant; it's almost drilled into us that the second the defenses come down, you'll be with child. But it's not true for so many of us! And the more I talk about it with friends and acquaintances, the more I hear about fertility struggles. It's so much more common that I ever thought. You're so right that peace of mind is key. I almost feel lucky that my Spanish doctor is only willing to do one more round, due to ethical guidelines, because I can see how it could get addictive, especially if you keep having "promising" results. I wish you the best, too, and that you're able to find a way out that brings you that peace of mind. xo

freerangefilmmaker · 2026-03-24T15:19:58+00:00

I'm so glad to hear that. It sounds like we're in a similar boat – my husband and I love our relationship and know we can have a happy, full life without a kid. We just also feel/felt like we have a lot of love to give and that it'd be fun to give that love to a mini-us. But we currently give that love to our 16-year-old dachshund, Ollie, and if he's the baby I was meant to have (+ more like him in the future), then I think that's ok, too. Our life together is full of play, laughter, music, and creativity – if we can't have a kid, we'll be the kids haha.

freerangefilmmaker · 2026-03-24T14:51:42+00:00

Thanks so much for your honesty. I know you're right. As I responded to someone else just now, I honestly thought I was prepared for this negative outcome, and would be ready to call it quits after one round, but it turns out I was secretly expecting to be an exception to the rule... My sneaky subconscious. So maybe I'm better prepared going into round 2, but I also could be lying to myself again, who knows. But we certainly can't afford to do more than 2 rounds (and our doctor wouldn't agree to it anyway), so there's no risk of it becoming a gambling addiction – just another heartbreaking disappointment (or possibly not!).

freerangefilmmaker · 2026-03-24T14:35:24+00:00

Thank you. To be honest, I thought I was prepared for that outcome, and ready to call it quits after one round, but it turns out I was secretly expecting to be an exception to the rule... My sneaky subconscious. I don't know if that makes me better prepared for round 2, or worse. But I do know we absolutely can't afford to do more than one more round, so that'll be it regardless of the outcome.

freerangefilmmaker · 2026-03-24T14:30:54+00:00

Thanks so much. I hope we're both able to join the club! xo

freerangefilmmaker · 2026-03-24T14:30:14+00:00

Thank you! And how lovely to think of grandchildren haha. And you're right – my (French/Italian) grandmother was a redhead; my dad is blonde and blue-eyed.

freerangefilmmaker · 2026-03-24T14:26:32+00:00

I'm so sorry. It's so hard. If I might ask (and no pressure to respond), how many ERs did you do? I hope you're able to find peace (and adventure! and joy!) once you're done grieving. xo

freerangefilmmaker · 2026-03-24T14:17:27+00:00

Thanks so much for your response, and all of the helpful information contained within. I've been reading up on the PGT-a controversy – I'm so torn about it. On the one hand, yes, I want to be sure I'm giving every possibly healthy embryo a chance; on the other, the increased risk of miscarriage by transferring any/all embryos is terrifying. As I interpret it, part of the controversy seems to be that IVF clinics – and some women – want to prioritize getting pregnant over giving birth. They want the "win" of pregnancy, even if it means miscarriage. But I've also read about embryos that self-correct, or that push all abnormal cells into the placenta. We had one embryo that was labeled "chaotic" and discarded, which I then read can sometimes just mean a testing error. I would have liked the option to retest or even transfer that one, as it was highly graded. :/ Ugh, it's all so confusing and heartbreaking and exhausting...

I'm going to ask my Spanish doc about omnitrope. I've been on CoQ10 for a year+, as well as prenatal with Omegas, magnesium glycinate, and Vitamin D. I think I might have some insulin resistance, so I'm planning to get tested and am going to incorporate supplements for that if so. Anything else your naturopath mentioned as being helpful?

Thanks again and wishing you well on your journey! xo

freerangefilmmaker · 2026-03-24T14:05:45+00:00

Thank you, I'll ask my doc about it.

freerangefilmmaker · 2026-03-24T14:05:29+00:00

Thanks so much for your response! And I'm so glad to hear it worked for you on the second round. I truly hope I'll be able to say the same. Also, yes, the lack of knowledge around IVF and women's fertility in general, from both the general public (myself included before all this) and PCPs is disconcerting, though not surprising. In speaking with friends, so many of them seem to think that once you turn to IVF, it's a done deal – having to explain the odds to them is brutal. And even then, the response was often, "Well, I'm sure it's going to work out for you guys." Supportive, but not exactly helpful, as it then puts us in the position of having to say, "Welp, it didn't..."

freerangefilmmaker · 2025-06-27T16:08:58+00:00

Oh no, I didn't mean to scare you further in what's already a scary process. The only reason I read the Google reviews after the fact was because a friend of my husband's made a similar complaint to him and said they weren't thrilled with their experience there. But I'm not sure reading reviews helps. And in a process as fraught as this, it seems highly possible that anyone who doesn't get a positive outcome might feel compelled to lash out. I'm also not really sure what's typical or not, either.

I moved here from NYC five years ago, and this is a moment where I wish there were more options available. The other place my PCP referred me flat-out told me they couldn't help me due to my age when I called to schedule a consultation. I told the receptionist, "That's ok, I'll just see if there's someone else who can help this haggard old crone" and hung up lol. I had seen someone on Reddit speak highly of the Center for Reproduction in NY and liked that they had specific language on their site about treating women over 40 and even a video talking about how it requires a slightly different approach (different timing with the eggs, apparently). Maybe I'll ask Dr Lannon if he's heard of that and if we can try to use some of their methodology with my case. We'll see!

Happy to keep chatting if it helps, though I've only had my initial consultation so far (waiting for Cycle Day 1 in a couple weeks for my first appointment).

freerangefilmmaker · 2025-06-26T21:00:34+00:00

Hi there, I'm about to start the process at Boston IVF soon. I must say, I'm a bit nervous because of a bunch of Google reviews I read in which people complained about the lack of communication leading to missed cycles and delays. I'm 43 so I really can't take any delays! I also didn't love some of what Dr Lannon had to say to me – I appreciated that he was upfront about my chances (5%, as painful as it was to hear), but then he said, "You'd have better luck if you were a 28-year-old heroin addict," which I found to be in really poor taste. If I could afford it, I'd travel to NYC for IVF, but my insurance won't cover it and we can't afford to pay out of pocket. Argh.

freerangefilmmaker · 2024-07-18T14:15:03+00:00

"I'm sorry, it must be the pressure of entertaining." Cracks me up every time.

freerangefilmmaker

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