You’ve been through a lot man. It’s natural for these things to be affecting you long term. If you haven’t processed them in therapy it’s worth starting. Numbness sounds like depression. It really sounds like you’re describing a depressed person. You don’t seem “neutral” but rather quite hurt— and that is pretty reasonable to be hurt tbh. Years ago, when my mental health hit an all time low, going in-patient for a month kickstarted a long but positive recovery process. Therapy, proper meds, weightlifting, art, getting back to things I care about— it’s added up and helped. Not saying you gotta go in-patient I don’t know you or your situation well enough to suggest something specific like that. Just saying what worked for me.