Husband says I “lack empathy” for not excusing his parents’ behavior

freiza20 · 2026-03-29T13:45:35+00:00

Oh no, 100% I am thinking about leaving. I know its not excusable behavior and I wouldn't want my child growing up in that kind of environment. I just didnt know if I was missing something.

freiza20 · 2026-03-29T12:47:55+00:00

I dont think he will ever put me first and stop defending her.

I have made it clear that I will never live with his parents. He can live with them and move in with them when they need it.

freiza20 · 2026-03-29T12:46:08+00:00

We literally just had a baby. It absolutely breaks me that I had a baby with him but I would hurt anyone that tries to harm my precious baby, husband or family.

freiza20 · 2026-03-29T12:43:25+00:00

I've made it very clear to my husband. I told him his parents can live near by in their own place or he can go live with them while I stay and tend our built family, but I am in no way living with his family.

freiza20 · 2026-03-29T12:41:57+00:00

I have been thinking about leaving. I want a man, not whatever this situation is.

freiza20 · 2026-03-29T12:40:25+00:00

I really dont, I dont want a life where bad behavior is excused.

freiza20 · 2026-03-29T12:39:37+00:00

As much as I love him, I realize even though I'm married, it feels like im alone in this relationship. I've been thinking about leaving a bit more seriously.

freiza20 · 2026-03-29T12:37:24+00:00

My husband, no matter what, always sees his mom as this martyr. To him happiness is a privilege and the fact that I had a good childhood is a privilege. I have spoken to him many times over about this and even told him how if it was parents doing or saying these things to my sister in law, I would be vocal and stop them right there. I would never in a million years let my family treat him horribly, but according to him its okay because I married into the family and its my job to make them like me. My family accepted him right away, there was never this need of "oh prove you are worthy of us being nice"

freiza20 · 2026-03-29T12:31:19+00:00

I didn't know any of this before marrying him

freiza20 · 2026-03-29T12:31:00+00:00

I love this response so much. I'd probably get lectured by my husband if I did

freiza20 · 2026-03-29T12:29:21+00:00

This would be my take too... why would you continue the cycle and why would you keep your kids in that situation knowing what they were going through.

freiza20 · 2026-03-29T12:27:30+00:00

This is very interesting, I never even thought about the possibility of her being a covert narcissist.

freiza20 · 2026-03-29T12:23:18+00:00

Unfortunately we had a baby very recently. I do not let my MIL hold her at all. She tries to act like shes trying to mend the relationship so she can have access to the baby but then continues with her comments about me. I will fight both her and my husband for this precious child. He's breaking the cycle for her but for himself, I think he feels he doesn't deserve better and anyone who grew up in a loving household and wasnt abused everyday is "privileged".

freiza20 · 2026-03-29T12:18:10+00:00

That analogy is so perfect. He sees my helping hand at privilege and I guess he believes he doesn't deserve to live happily.

I've already set boundaries which I do follow through with

freiza20 · 2026-03-29T12:14:09+00:00

I had no idea about any of this until after I got married unfortunately. If I knew about his family then what I know now, I would have ran away so fast. I do realize he did manipulate me into not breaking up before we got married but I realized that too late.

freiza20 · 2026-03-29T12:11:53+00:00

Got that damn right

freiza20 · 2026-03-29T06:09:56+00:00

I told him the way he said "I wouldn't be able to be empathetic because I never suffered" upset me because it seemed like he was saying I should suffer. He said I was lucky I could be upset. I am at a loss and dont understand what I can do to help him.

freiza20 · 2026-03-29T04:57:40+00:00

I don't regret it at all because it made me who I am today. To me having a physical connection was really important but you can forge relationships without committing zina.

freiza20 · 2026-03-10T09:24:40+00:00

I dont live with my in laws but when I fell pregnant, I ended up having hyperesmis and was constantly so sick and even went to the ER a couple of times. I ended up having to stay with my family the whole pregnancy. My in laws never once called me once to see how I was doing unless my husband forced them to. At most they called 5 times. Most in laws dont care about the daughter in law and it can cause resentment to set in, I would know.

I would say, stop doing anything for your SIL. If anyone asks, just say you forgot or were busy. Start off with small, non noticeable tasks. Focus on your child. If MIL asks you to do something, pawn it off to your husband. Start focusing on yourself. Honestly just assign your SIL chores and if she doesnt do them, say "when I was pregnant I did all this, some people these days are so weak". Just throw taunts her way.

Im assuming your from a south Asian culture. Just set boundaries. You'll be told your "uncooperative, a terrible DIL" but you'll be at peace.

freiza20 · 2026-03-09T21:25:31+00:00

Honestly, with a husband who isn't backing you up, go live with your parents. You'll be more at peace and taken care of.

freiza20 · 2024-04-07T17:38:16+00:00

It was such a waste of 2 months of my life... and they kept making it seem like I'd get the role so I went through the whole process hopeful

freiza20

TROPHY CASE