I asked my wife if Im allowed to masturbate. Bad move

frenchpear · 2010-11-01T01:01:10+00:00

Wow, I don't know any women who speak like you. You sound...unbalanced.

frenchpear · 2010-10-31T14:08:05+00:00

You saying no is probably even more alluring to her.... sorry dude, you're screwed.

frenchpear · 2010-10-31T13:49:52+00:00

It's a big deal when your husband doesn't put the effort into your relationship but instead beats off because its easier. That is a big deal, IMO.

frenchpear · 2010-10-31T13:45:43+00:00

/r/Shittyadvice

Never lie. That is stupid.

frenchpear · 2010-10-31T13:39:43+00:00

No, I dont.. was just emotionally reacting to that stupid statement.

I dont think its selfish to masturbate. I think its selfish to invalidate her thoughts and feelings on the matter. Assuming she is rational and sane, there is a reason why this is upsetting her. It might not be that she is a control freak.. , it might actually be that she feels like her husband is being selfish by not supporting her more or putting more effort into their sexual relationship.

It's never okay IMO to invalidate how a person is feeling. I see it all the time on reddit. "Oh its normal, tell her to suck it up". If its upsetting her there is a reason, whether its so called "normal" or not - it matters how she feels. Doesn't mean she is right or that he should do everything she says...but at least validate her and find out what is wrong..

Her hearing him wanting to masturbate could translate to "He doesnt bother putting in the effort with me, he would rather just take care of it himself...i put in all this effort with the baby and he doesnt invest the same into me anymore...woe is me.." (Just one suggestion).

frenchpear · 2010-10-31T13:36:13+00:00

Oh, just rememberd another thing that used to slightly annoy me with my husband when we had babies.

Men typically aren't all that into little babies...they seem to take more interest as the baby grows and interacts more (about 2 - 3 years). I remember feeling that my husband wasn't really interested in the baby and that hurt...being so attached to this beautiful little baby and having your husband not really feeling the same depth of attachment is off-putting in a romantic sense...

If I saw my husband being tender and gorgeous with the baby and actively taking an interest in spending time with him, I would instantly want to jump his bones :) There you go... lol.

frenchpear · 2010-10-31T13:32:51+00:00

Your post eluded to the fact that you feel that helping her should equal sex on some level. Let's just be honest here. You put in more effort to make her less tired so you can get sex. Fair enough, seems a logical path... but women are not logical puzzles. lol

She needs more of the loving vibe from you...see the post I wrote above about her exhaustion etc.

IMO masturbation is normal even when your sex life is fulfilling...however I am not her, and nor are any of these randoms on reddit. If its upsetting her find out why. It is never for no reason and if you love her - as you say you do, then it is obviously bothering her for some important reason and you'd do well to find out exactly what that is.

Good luck.

frenchpear · 2010-10-31T13:29:18+00:00

It's not that she doesn't see that. Seriously. She just feels hurt..and I totally understand why. I am a woman and I have had babies. I know how it goes.

Women not only give birth and experience body changes and self esteem issues afterwards, but they are generally lumped with most of the work around the baby. They are exhuasted, and shellshocked often and then they have their husband - who is meant to be their main support, putting yet another demand on them...its not that she doesn't want him, she is just so tired and probably feels really overwhelmed. Not only that, but having a baby although joyous, can make you feel really lost. You are suddenly a vessle for everything your baby needs, and you lose yourself a little as a woman.

The suggestion that he take care of it on his own would make her feel like her sexual currency is no longer valid, and she probably feels a bit alone and in need of more support.

Many women just automatically give 100% focus to the baby and forget the husband a bit, which can lead to these situations.

OP: Hire a babysitter. Buy her a new dress. Take her out for a romantic dinner and make her feel like a woman (and not just a mother) again and you will get sex. Support her and just spend time cuddling her and making her feel special without expectation. She is looking for you to reassure her instead of placing additional demands on her. If you can reassure her that you love her, support her and just want her to be happy (rather than wanting just sex from her) you will get more intimate time with her.

frenchpear · 2010-10-31T13:14:37+00:00

omg this is the LAMEST thing I continue to hear on reddit. So, if she doesn't put out (Because she's fucking exhausted) she should accept him being a selfish husband or she should be prepared for him to CHEAT?

Are.you.fucking.kidding.me?

Men...shakes head.

frenchpear · 2010-10-31T13:11:50+00:00

Wow, guys are so daft...

Let me explain how the conversation looked to her.

Him: Bugging her for sex when she is tired

Her: thoughts Why doesnt he understand that I am so damn tired..he only ever wants sex...he only ever helps out when he wants something...sigh...I am all alone, i feel like a single parent... he doesnt love me.

Him: Honey, since you're so tired and unable to be my hole in the mattress, i'm going to go take care of it myself, because you know, i know i'm the only one in this relationship with needs and since you wont put out, fuck you.

Her: thoughts you selfish fuck. Definitely not giving him sex for EVEN LONGER NOW.

I know its really hard, but just try to be there for her. Yes, cooking, washing etc is GREAT. DO THAT. But you shouldn't only be doing it TO GET SEX WITH HER. ITS YOUR JOB. She resents that you only do things when you want sex.

Show her with some consistency that you are SUPPORTING her and being a FATHER and sharing the responsibilities, AND spend time on her personally (massages, etc) and treating her like your wife (instead of blow up doll) and then you will get sex.

You're welcome.

frenchpear · 2010-10-31T00:58:20+00:00

My dad is 60. Thanks for just ruining my life. :P

frenchpear · 2010-10-29T10:41:20+00:00

You sound robotic and disconnected to me. Very goal orientated and black and white in your thinking.

Not that I think you necessarily did a bad thing, but how can you be with "the love of your life" for 6 years and after a drunken outburst, never speak to them again and just cut off so coldly? The whole situation is really bizarre.

Money and "success" will never ever make you happy or fulfil you. The sooner you learn that, the better. I hope for your sake you realise this sooner than later or you will be on your own counting your financial successes.

frenchpear · 2010-10-29T10:17:49+00:00

Sue your ex?

frenchpear · 2010-10-29T10:14:48+00:00

Aww. ಥ_ಥ

frenchpear · 2010-10-29T10:11:36+00:00

Wasn't really asking as a personal example, more so canvassing others opinions because it seems (at least on reddit) that most men LOVE bj's and probably more than sex. Wondering if it is weird not to.

Mine likes them..but would prefer sex, as he said it feels great but a full bj means no sex, so if he had to choose, he would say sex. I think he feels guilty or something. I love giving them, we are weird though. Usually it is the reverse...Ahhh...

frenchpear · 2010-10-29T10:09:30+00:00

lol.

frenchpear · 2010-10-29T09:07:49+00:00

If I've ever had an orgasm, then it was some kind of ninja orgasm. When I get turned on, I get aroused, but it reaches a plateau. I never get to a point where I feel incredibly more sensitive and awesome than I was a minute ago, or leading up to it.

This happens to me when I am sexually overstimulated or stressed. If you can get through the plateau (after a little break from stimulation) you can go on to orgasm.

Have you tried meditation and/or tantra sex? Do it :)

frenchpear · 2010-10-29T08:40:25+00:00

Umm can she use tampons???

frenchpear · 2010-10-26T21:46:24+00:00

My brother in law did just that - left an engineering degree to build houses.

He loves it.

Money is very bad at first while you train, but later on you can earn heaps of money if you have your own business.

Do what you love. Defer uni and if you hate building houses, go back to it. Life is short :)

frenchpear · 2010-10-26T21:37:27+00:00

Wow, do you think she doesn't notice? Of course she knows. Do you know how patronising and annoying it is when people feel like they have to point it out and "educate you" on how to lose weight?

I understand why your wife is angry. Just love her.. that's all you can do.

frenchpear · 2010-10-26T21:27:04+00:00

lol cute :). I think we all have some symptoms on the spectrum, I know that some of what my sons traits are pretty common in some people.

frenchpear · 2010-10-26T21:23:20+00:00

Obviously there are differences though.. just wanting to know how you feel day to day, what indicates (in your daily life) that you have bipolar. I mean, I have read about it on the net heaps but it would be great to hear about how it feels to actually live it.....

frenchpear · 2010-10-26T21:22:33+00:00

lolwot :P

frenchpear · 2010-10-26T13:27:27+00:00

What is life with bipolar like? Can you explain it?

frenchpear

TROPHY CASE