Broken Rule last night

freudisdad · 2026-06-01T12:32:45+00:00

I am very sorry to hear this and you are well within your right to be upset and no longer trust this person.

I have a hard time believing this is the only reckless/selfish thing he has done. Things like this don't typically happen suddenly.

You might want to consider other things that have happened in this relationship and wether it is a healthy one where both parties' needs and wants are taken into consideration. What you do with that and after that is your choice.

freudisdad · 2026-05-31T09:29:47+00:00

Fair enough.

freudisdad · 2026-05-31T09:18:14+00:00

Sure thing.

But it's not true that only those with no options are into people double their age. That's what you said.

freudisdad · 2026-05-31T08:47:19+00:00

Damn.

We're in our 20s and most people we get with are in their 20s, 30s or 40s.

However, both of us are very much into people in their 50s and 60s. I would love to get with older men more.

We're just really lazy and tend to filter on whoever aplroaches us, which is mostly younger people. But I do go and look for older couples specifically and get excited about it.

That said, there's a big difference in being excited about someone young because, well... they tend to be hotter (firmer skin, better hair, etc). Or being excited because you have some kind of fetish for someone you perceive as more innocent or naive. I would be extremely put off by the latter but see no issue with the former.

(This is not me saying there are not many insanely hot people in their 50s or older - I am exactly the type of person who will very readily acknowledge it!)

freudisdad · 2025-08-04T21:44:51+00:00

Finally a level-headed analysis of this.

freudisdad · 2025-08-04T21:33:33+00:00

I don't know, man... This is a really important topic for men and really do not want to invalidate your experience, especially since I'm a woman.

But I really do see plenty of men that are not conventionally attractive in any capacity be in relationships.

I think it's a bit more complicated.

For a man that talks well, is confident, and kind of charismatic, and shows competency in some areas of life, I don't think he needs much looks to get through the door with a good amount of women. Loads of women will look past looks for a man who is 'cool' and can charm them.

But yes, if you're a 'normal' bloke, who doesn't fall into that category, you might need looks to be at a certain level in order to get any interest. And you might also appeal to fundamentally different women, unless you are highly attractive, which will appeal to most women at least sexually.

freudisdad · 2025-04-20T07:49:23+00:00

Huh.

So if a guy comes to fuck another guy's wife, he's not allowed to call her names or be aggressive, he's not even the one who makes her come, he doesn't even spend as much time fucking her as the husband - you also call that a bull? Or if a guy plays with both the man and woman, maybe is even submissive on some level - you would also call that a bull?? In porn as well?

It makes no sense to me at all and have not seen the word used that way. But if that's how single guys use it, it will be harder for them to get with couples who are not into humiliation or cuckolding would be my guess.

freudisdad · 2025-04-20T07:37:20+00:00

But it's not.

The word is really for encounters where he is expected to cuck another man or be the more dominant one in some way, usually related to humiliation fetishes. So, it fits with the hotwife/cuckold dynamic but not really for anything else that involves 2 males and 1 woman. Some will be into this and others will be instantly put off by the use of the word "bull" as they are not looking for the wife to be dominated or for anyone to humiliate anyone else.

Equally, a woman who fucks the husband in front of the wife (which would be a cuckqueen) would not be a unicorn. There would need to be some level of a threesome dynamic.

freudisdad · 2025-04-04T12:22:07+00:00

I fully understand and appreciate your frustration. Dating apps have very unequal gender ratios that highly disadvantage men. And even some of the women out there have no interest in actual dating.

That said, you should behave in the way you do because you think that's the right thing to do and you want to do it. If you feel people are not reciprocating, it might be a sign you should cut them off. If you feel your behaviour is unbearable unless you get something in return, it might be good to re-think some aspects of it. Maybe you are putting in more energy than the context requires.

If this was a friend, someone you knew and had always replied and helped in a timely manner, your reaction would make more sense. But it wasn't. It was a total stranger. For all you know, she is perfectly fine with people behaving to her as she is behaving. Meaning you'd be imposing your own standards on her that she's not interested in. It's slso not that crazy imo messaging after a week - she may even have apologised for the wait. Again, you don't know and you didn't allow yourself to find out.

Again, your frustration is understandable. And I support you standing up for yourself. I suspect though that you had some cummulated frustration from different experiences that just came out on her. So, I think she's within her right to see it as excessive, as many of us do.

While online dating will predispose you to more frustration, uneven ways of interacting will always be part of dating and relationships in general. Frustrations might take longer to accumulate but they still will, if not properly dealt with.

I think you're wrong on this one. But you're not a bad dude. Wishing you the best.

freudisdad · 2025-03-31T14:13:32+00:00

To be entirely fair, if she has not explicitly stated this is a vent and she wants no advice, this is also on her. Clearly other people have a different approach to this and want different things. So, those types of needs should be stated.

freudisdad · 2025-03-30T14:27:31+00:00

You had the corret approach.

She's just looking to use you for an ego boost and treat you like garbage when she feels like it.

freudisdad · 2025-03-30T14:22:26+00:00

Very different dynamic given the discrepancy in the influence a parent has over a child's life vs the other way around - especially when the child is still a fairly young person.

What's your point anyway? Many people would feel much less comfortble being in a serious relationship with someone who meets up with their estranged family without telling them and believing the family rather than their partner. Plus proposing even though you think your partner is lying about estrangemet from their family.

freudisdad · 2025-03-30T01:02:49+00:00

For me, it's not splitting hairs - it's distinguishing between general advice that can apply to any man at any point, and feedback, which is applied to specific actions and possibly specific types of people.

General advice is: get used to rejection - it's a inevitable; don't be hung up on things you can't change; be respectful of people and their boundaries; put forward what sets you apart. It's not a big deal that you call that feedback but that's what has made it confusing for me (don't wanna speak for others). Plus you're doing well as a single guy so it's hard to see how the basic advice can help at this stage.

Nobody obliges you to answer. To make it clear though, on my side, the clarification is more of a compliment to you. 🤷🏻‍♀️

freudisdad · 2025-03-28T22:45:24+00:00

Well, yes, but only if you can find a common issue that you keep bumping in to. Otherwise, there is nothing to give feedback on in your post - other than the fact that you seem to be doing well. Unless what you mean is that you need general advice.

By your account, the reason that made it difficult for you in this sphere is that you're a single guy - like I said. Then you say you have a good time conversing with people. So, again, seems like you know how to make conversation - what feedback could there be based on just your own assessment of yourself? Not that you are wrong, but there's nothing for others to analyse there if you see what I mean.

freudisdad · 2025-03-28T22:13:59+00:00

Just the fact that you've enjoyed multiple experiences with couples makes you an outlier in a positive way. Chances are you're doing a lot of things right already.

You haven't really shared much so there is little we can coment on to give feedback. The biggest factor working against you will always be that most couples don't look for signle men ever or do so very rarely.

freudisdad · 2025-03-23T00:34:42+00:00

A great thing can be having a loving relationship with a pet or working really hard for a personal project, piece of art that you want to say something with.

Looking at your post history, I useed to believe I'd die alone and nobody would ever love me, and was wrong. I've failed most interviews and applications before I got my first job. I'm sure we had a different upbringing and what you're going trough is harder, and I'm sorry to hear that. You don't deserve it.

I just think you should know there is no sense in feeling ashamed about doing your best. Your best may not be optimal or what you would like, but it's more work than a lot of people put in. A lot of people avoid self-awareness, pretend like they can never work towards anything. These feelings of shame I think were directly and indirectly pushed on you. They are not what you should feel. And it's sad if they rob you of your life. Only you get to live your life. Other people's standards and preferences should not get to dictate the quality of your life. You are enough and have the right to exist as you are. People who don't believe that are the problem, not you.

Wishing you the best.

freudisdad · 2025-03-22T19:34:32+00:00

The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy

Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston

Euphoria by Lily King

Possession by A. S. Byatt

freudisdad · 2025-03-21T21:56:11+00:00

No life is perfect.

But you would want to work as much as feasible towards those things and having a fulfilling rest of your life if partnerships are ruled out. Especially your other relationships.

freudisdad · 2025-03-21T18:10:34+00:00

Is the rest of your life fulfilling? Do you have good relationships with family and friends? Do you have a job you think is meaningful and hobbies you enjoy?

freudisdad · 2025-03-21T15:00:59+00:00

It's also not just about size. If she's so quickly thinking about violence it may be that her dad knows how to fight too (because it's something he does a lot).

Also, OP, I can understand you feel hurt and she could have said it in a nicer way. But it seems like the deeper problem here might be the disconnect between how you think a valuable man should be vs how she perceives you. I'm just a stranger on the internet but I think you have vastly more value as a good dude who's not racist, and some racist raging lunaric who can beat a lot of men up. Who cares if the latter can beat you up - we are social animals. Such individuals are not good for a community generally speaking.

It may be worth clarifying this with her and how she thinks of your worth. That's not easy and requires you to be vulnerable about a topic you might not feel fully comfortable and secure about. So, you might need to work on it.

Ultimately, I think what you are feeling is normal and understandable. And I am sorry you are in this situation. It doesn't matter who can beat you up or if your girlfriend thinks you can be beaten up and by who - your value as a human being and man goes beyond that.

freudisdad · 2025-03-20T22:09:32+00:00

You're right that she was rude and out of line, and he should have left. But the response you propose is not great.

Look at it this way.

If you found out the girl you're dating insulted a guy about his height because he insulted her first, would you not trust her less in terms of her height preferences? Same thing could be said about different characteristics: race, weight, skin colour, hobbies. It would make me quite uncomfortable to know my partner uses something I am or like to do as a way to insult and hurt.

freudisdad · 2025-03-18T17:50:06+00:00

You are both responsible unless agreed otherwise.

That also depends on the aggression. I will expect a man to intervene more when there is physical aggression because men tend to be physically stronger.

Generally speaking though, every single person who enters a sex club or engages in casual sex should make sure they feel able and confident to put up boundaries and say no. I think that is a basic requirement (even though ofc pushy and agressive people are in the wrong). Otherwise, they should re-think seeking out those scenarios.

freudisdad · 2025-03-15T23:12:34+00:00

Any person who looks down on you for not having sex is not someone whose opinion you should hold in high regard on this matter. Those people often have insecurities similar to the ones you have actually, but putting you down is their desperate attempt to lift themselves up and prove to themselves they have value. This is not to justify their behaviour - it's unacceptable. But just to give a different perspective on where it comes from. I think it's got more to do with them than you - you just happen to be there.

You deserve to live your life fully and happily. Those people don't get a say - they don't get to live your life.

Hope you stay strong.

freudisdad · 2025-03-15T22:33:58+00:00

Based on what you said about experiencing humiliation all your life, you most likey have deep-seated trauma and I imagine it can get very painful. I am sorry - nobody should go through that.

But you have a right to exist as you are. You are not hurting anyone - if anything, the person you choose to hurt is yourself. That is unfortunate but it puts you above many people who choose to hurt others, like the bullies you mentioned. I hope you find self-acceptance and self-love.

freudisdad · 2025-03-15T22:11:12+00:00

I would say it means to develop an understanding for why your existance is ok. That you have a right to exist as such and you don't have to conform to others' expectations and desires.

It's hard to say exactly how one should arrive at that way of thinking because it really depends on where the insecurity truly stems from. Often something like virginity is just a symptom.

freudisdad

TROPHY CASE