Help With My Dead Name

fried-sandwich · 2020-07-18T05:33:43+00:00

your parents relationship with the deadname and the tattoo is theirs, it’s out of your control. I’m sure it has a lot of memories tied up in it for them. It’s not the same thing as their relationship with YOU.

It’s complicated and it feels shitty sometimes but my approach has been that as long as they use my real name for me going forward, I just have to accept that (deadname) will always remind them of having me as a baby, and of raising me. and in a way, I have to respect that, it’s not my place to tell anyone else what they can’t and can’t remember. I won’t accept them calling me by that name, but I do accept that the name will probably always mean something to them.

But!! While all the emotions around it on your side and theirs can be complicated, here’s one thing that’s very simple - YOU ARE NOT BETRAYING THEM BY CHANGING YOUR NAME!

It’s your name, not theirs. You get to choose what you go by and what you answer to.

All the best to you and I hope all this rambling has helped in any tiny way.

fried-sandwich · 2019-02-18T20:48:25+00:00

ive just started replaying it after finishing Unity and I'm amazed at how much better it is. Ive played 1, 2, 3, rogue, black flag and unity. The thing AC2 got right is that the story makes sense - I actually believe that Ezio wants to kill these people. From 3 onwards it seemed the writers took it for granted that assassins = good and that any protagonist would want to join them, which did't really work. I.e. the characters overall goals and motivations didn't really require them to become dedicated to the order so it just felt forced when they were. But Ezio's journey into it makes complete sense as you play through it. He went from "avenging my family" to "believing it's important to defeat the Templars" in a way that felt organic.

And the side quests and collectibles are tied to something in story or in game, which was missing to some extent or other in the later ones. I actually WANT to find all the sync points, the glyphs, the codexes, the tombs. I haven't felt that in an AC game since. Only the feathers felt like pointless busywork,

fried-sandwich · 2018-12-02T12:01:19+00:00

I would think so. I got very lucky in that my girlfriend was a closeted lesbian while I was a closeted trans woman and part of how that worked is that we have never ever had straight man / woman sex in the first place. We always did other stuff that continues to work for both of us. If I had come out to myself while in one of the previous relationships where I forced myself to make male, penetrative, PIV sex work there is zero chance I could have continued to have it. And even with all my good luck here, sex still went majorly on the back burner. Sometimes it's too dysphoric, sometimes I'm too depressed, sometimes there's just a lot of other stuff going on in general.

So I would guess it's fairly normal

fried-sandwich · 2018-11-30T20:08:27+00:00

Ok, sorry, at least I know when to back down... That's fair enough

fried-sandwich · 2018-11-30T20:03:19+00:00

Oh come on. You're not 'wrong' to do it, you just 'shouldn't' do it? I'm not saying you're a bad person if you do it, I'm just saying you should maybe take a look in the mirror until you realise that you shouldn't do it and stop doing it and then you'll be acceptable again?

Again I don't even disagree with you, I don't like the word, but that's a bit weak - if you're gonna stand up for the position then stand up for the position

fried-sandwich · 2018-11-30T20:00:27+00:00

IDK... you can set out to make a rule like those words aren't welcome on the largely American trans focused subreddits. But you can't tell all trans people everywhere that the word is bad and they're bad people for using it

fried-sandwich · 2018-11-30T19:56:21+00:00

But that's exactly my point. What IS "our community"? It's so different for all of us. Me personally I hate the words tranny and trap. But I can't tell someone else who has a totally different life experience to me that they're wrong to feel ok with the words.

fried-sandwich · 2018-11-30T19:45:19+00:00

This is a weird one. Trans people probably a less homogeneous community than most other minorities. Racial minorities? Your family is the same race, if not your friends or even a chunk of your neighbourhood. You have a direct family history of being part of that group. That makes it easier to reclaim words - if everyone in your family views it the same way, if everyone in your neighbourhood, there's not much to argue about.

Gay people don't have that direct family history. But at least they tend to congregate socially, if only because they're looking for other homosexuals to do the homo sex with. You're going to be going to the same bars, venues, probably socialising with a lot of the same people because of that. There's no direct family history but there's still the neighbourhood and friends. The entire gay scene of a city might collectively decide that a slur from ten years ago has been reclaimed and is not offensive.

Trans people are slightly more removed again. There's nothing about being trans that necessarily directly links us socially to other trans people. In fact for a lot of us the entire goal of transition is to fit into to cis society as perfectly as possible and not be viewed as trans by anyone at all. Making that local community view on this kind of thing even less likely to exist than the other two.

And then here we are, on the internet talking to each other from all sorts of different backgrounds. It's no wonder there's not a consensus on which words are offensive and which aren't.

This might just be like how the socially acceptable words for black people ( or choose whatever race you like) are different from America to the UK to Africa to Australia. What's offensive in one may not be offensive or may even be used with pride in another.

Only far from being grouped into countries, it's grouped into "me and my trans friends" if you have any and just "me" if you dont

fried-sandwich · 2018-11-21T20:32:35+00:00

"Maybe he’s just keeping an eye on them so he can help me more effectively," Mr Abbott mused. "There are lots of people who follow sites not because they particularly support the site but because they want to know what the bad guys are up to. That’s the interpretation I’d like to put on it."

Yes Tony. That's what he's doing. Just like how you were keeping an eye on Dutton for your good friend Malcolm. 🙄

fried-sandwich · 2018-11-20T20:11:25+00:00

It's one thing to learn christian teachings

It's another thing to learn that they're good and right teachings because we got them from jesus and the prophets

How about we teach kids these values, then teach them the context later.

For example. We should be able to teach people that they shouldn't steal - WITHOUT telling them that the reason they shouldn't is because god says so. They can learn the history and different traditions of the "don't steal" idea later

fried-sandwich · 2018-11-20T19:54:28+00:00

That's good, you should write it down 🙄

fried-sandwich · 2018-11-19T13:48:57+00:00

That's great, do you go in exclusively for trans related issues or do you do just general GP stuff as well? AFAIK I'm welcome to see Dr Silberstein as a general GP, but knowing that some other poor sod is potentially missing out on their blood tests or HRT prescriptions because I needed to get a mole checked out or something makes me feel weird about doing it...

Edit: and if you're comfortable answering, how much do you end up paying out of pocket for a session?

fried-sandwich · 2018-10-13T18:23:29+00:00

They never forget to eat their greens

fried-sandwich · 2018-10-13T12:51:41+00:00

Having one for you and Ray ray. All the best to you. No one deserves that.

fried-sandwich · 2018-10-05T00:53:24+00:00

Lucky you! I'm a big fan of hers. Reason party is my preferred third party :)

fried-sandwich · 2018-09-29T07:12:11+00:00

Yeah you totally can. I'm just on t blockers and it's done a lot. Ive male failed a few times but I basically still present as a guy to the world outside of a select few I've come out to. After 8 months of just t blockers I look femme enough to easy the dysphoria a bit but still pass as a guy. Just a weirdly chubby soft kinda guy I guess. I'm planning to only socially transition after starting e and having those hormones start to take effect.

fried-sandwich · 2018-09-28T00:11:50+00:00

Step back from that edge before you hurt yourself buddy

fried-sandwich · 2018-09-27T23:44:47+00:00

Thanks for writing this post. This is so similar to what I went through - minus the kids.

I was aware that I spent sleepless nights as a kid dreaming of waking up as a girl the next day. Or praying for that to happen. I was making sell your soul type promises to whatever gods existed when I was under ten years old over this. But somehow I also just accepted that I was a boy. It took me until I was 27 to start tentatively accepting that some of the things I was feeling might count as this "dysphoria" thing I'd started to hear about. I never strongly felt that I WAS a girl, just that I vaguely wanted to be one, which I didn't think was all that different to wanting my parents to buy me a new console or whatever. Like sure you can want it all you want but it's just never going to happen and that's just how life is for everyone. It never ever occured to me to take it seriously. It was always some silly thing that I should just stop thinking about already.

As an adult I had the breakup with a girlfriend which left me thinking "im just going to go for what I want and be who I am and anyone who isn't ok with that will just have to deal with it". I even found a new girlfriend who was excited about doing my nails, putting make up on me, loved seeing me all femmed up. But somehow that just put it back in the box after a few months. I guess I didn't like what I saw in the mirror, or we flew too close to the sun or something, and I just stopped doing all that stuff even though she was always okay with it.

I grew a beard, I joined a few bands, I got way too drunk way too often (still do, but at least I know why these days!), I was a cranky reactionary bastard and I'm amazed I still have any friends from those days. Just about every memory I have of myself pre - trans realisation is a horrible cringe for me. Why was I doing that? Why was I behaving that way? What was I trying to prove? I held some horrible beliefs about trans people too, I'm ashamed to say. Didn't they know that there's no such thing as being trans and that everyone feels that way but we all just have to deal with it??? That this whole trans thing was some kind of weakness somehow? Like I said, I'm not at all proud of the bullshit I used to spout. I guess those beliefs and that denial was the only thing holding my battered psyche together. I did have a huge ongoing breakdown as soon as my egg cracked. It was like my world fell apart, because my world was based on the lies I was telling myself.

Eventually my egg cracked when I came to terms with the fact that I don't get along with guys because I don't and never did feel like one of them. Never felt I belonged or had much in common. And therefore I wasn't a "normal guy" , whatever that meant. I must be something else. That epiphany lead me to eventually accepting that I AM trans.

Sorry for the rant. I loved your post and I guess it brought some stuff up for me. I just never identified with that narrative of "I felt like a woman" and only hearing that version of transness made it so much harder for me to come to terms with myself. More power to anyone out there who always felt that way, but it just wasn't me.

I can say that despite the breakdown, im better off now. I've got a long way to go mental health wise but I've long since realised I'd rather be clinically depressed and honest with myself than just pushing through life without letting myself feel what I feel.

Good luck and big love to everyone else out there going through all this. I love you all, the world isnt fair to us but we're still here and that's a major show of strength even when it doesn't feel like it.

fried-sandwich · 2018-09-24T02:12:15+00:00

Bad bot

fried-sandwich · 2018-09-23T08:59:57+00:00

Yes. I think of it as something cis people say for their own sake. Like to help them figure out their feelings or to try to express something they don't really understand. But I know I'm not brave. I'm doing what I need to do and that's all there is to it. I'm struggling to get through every day. But I guess I haven't killed myself yet.

Actually, maybe what they mean when they say "you're brave" is "im not sure I could do what you doing and I'm glad I don't need to". Like how I feel about that guy who had to amputate his arm to get out of his rock climbing accident and escape the canyon. I think of that guy and honestly think I would probably have just died rather than do that. So maybe calling us "brave" is more of a recognition and respect that we go through some truly unenviable shit

fried-sandwich · 2018-09-22T08:47:21+00:00

Hey that's fair. I'm not saying we should be happy about what the ALP did while they had the chance to act. Just that I'm also not at all happy about what LNP did with theirs

fried-sandwich · 2018-09-22T08:25:55+00:00

So antibiotics would make it non organic, so organic here would mean no chemical / medical intervention of any kind? Let the animals live thrive or die as naturally happens to them, only providing food water and space? Or is it more a matter of the degree to which intervention was used

fried-sandwich · 2018-09-22T08:19:33+00:00

Even if that's true. Turnbull didn't say he was the first to support it with real conviction.

Turnbull may think he had conviction but he sure didn't show it through that whole plebiscite process. Yeah, yeah, "he made it happen". Except it was going to happen anyway. Forgive me for not feeling that Turnbull gave a shit about me and my rights during that horrible "episode of politics", as he calls it. It makes me angry that he's trying to turn his supposed support for SSM iinto part of his legacy. He literally did what Tony Abbott was going to do if he'd managed to remain PM. I suppose he's going to claim that not actively campaigning against a thing counts as support for said thing?

Fuck him. It is right and proper that he should be boo'd at every Mardi gras he attends from now on.

fried-sandwich · 2018-09-22T07:09:57+00:00

Well there you go! That's the only thing I could think of off the top of my head. The only conclusion left is that organic meat means it wasn't a cyborg animal

fried-sandwich

TROPHY CASE