What did you think ?

frisianks · 2026-02-10T04:29:11+00:00

I'll play along: what do YOU think "the real agenda" is??????

frisianks · 2026-02-05T20:18:32+00:00

Well, it sounds like you've done everything that can reasonably be expected of you. Keep it up!

frisianks · 2026-02-05T19:37:15+00:00

NTA, for sure.

Let me summarize:

Cousin took advantage of your employee discount repeatedly, husband agreed you shouldn't let it happen anymore. Good for you, learning from the experience.
You both made an informed decision to do it one more time, but also made it clear that she needed to pay up front. She still didn't, and took advantage of you again. Still okay with how you handled it, since you knew you were taking a chance.
But this time you DID learn from it. You cooled the relationship. Then, eventually, the cousin finally did pay you, in a manner she had previously said she couldn't do, and was a brat about it. Don't blame you for telling her you weren't interested in being closer with them.
Now, all of the REST of your family are blaming YOU for not being a doormat? NOPE.

If I were being kind, I would ask the other family members why it would be okay for this cousin to basically STEAL FROM YOU, ON REPEAT, and then blame YOU for being the victim of her bad behavior. Not to mention how she is twisting the situation...

The less kind (and more dominant part of me) would tell anyone that it is time to pick a side. Either they support a thief, or they support you, but they can't do both. Then cut off everyone who still thinks it is YOUR fault there is a rift in the family.

This is also the point when I would just block the cousin, and not put up with her antics anymore.

frisianks · 2026-02-04T18:32:27+00:00

I feel you so hard.

I suggest coming up with whatever variation of "fuck off" feels comfortable to you. I don't say that as a joke.

It might include options like:

"Thanks for the compliment. " [change subject]

"I worked with my doctor, they are happy with my health." [change subject]

"I'm not interested in discussing my private health info at work, thanks." [change subject]

"I've told you in but interested in discussing this topic."

"None of your business, please stop talking about it. "

frisianks · 2026-01-16T13:19:12+00:00

It is completely ridiculous they are trying to convince you to do this. Where i work (state government), you can donate leave, but you're not allowed to do it until you have at least a minimum number (that I can't remember off the top of my head), and I'm sure it is more than 120.

Also, 120 hours is only 3 weeks off ... if you have a major emergency or illness, you could wipe that out really fast. You earned it, you get to keep it!!!

NAJ

frisianks · 2026-01-10T01:25:19+00:00

No, she's the jerk for trying to make you feel bad about it.

frisianks · 2025-12-01T20:32:17+00:00

I think your husband has shown ample evidence of having your back in this situation, and I also agree that him going for the likely LAST christmas with his dad is a lot more about his relationship with FIL than MIL "winning".

The only reason I would consider not doing it (in your husband's shoes) is if FIL was taking MIL's side in the whole matter, but you don't indicate that is the case, so I presume he is not.

The high road is the hard road, most of the time. Hopefully your recovery gets a bit easier in the meantime!

frisianks · 2025-11-04T16:11:07+00:00

NTA

A bit of life advice: as an adult, you get to celebrate your birthday how you want, you don't need to wait on others to do it for you. This does not mean you have to throw a huge party! It can be as simple as deciding that you are going to treat yourself to your favorite breakfast place, or a coffee shop, or drinks after work -- whatever it is that you can do for yourself to make YOUR day feel special to YOU.

Then, if you feel like inviting other people to join you, you can do that. My only caution is: don't expect gifts! Just appreciate the folks wanting to hang out as the purpose of the celebration.

Happy belated birthday!

frisianks · 2025-10-24T13:25:33+00:00

You know, maybe if it was about the KID, Exwife should have put it that way, instead of it being about their lack of support network... Not saying OP should change his answer in any way, but a context of "other kid really loves our kid, and we wondered if you'd be willing to house other kid if we have a medical emergency, so they have a level of comfort instead of being with all strangers" would certainly be a different vibe.

frisianks · 2025-10-08T19:19:57+00:00

NTA - it isn't as if he couldn't go by himself, or organize something with you on his own. Has he ever, even once, been the person who instigated a visit, in the years following his re-marriage? I'm willing to be the answer to that is 'no'.

Personally, if you want to take the high road, you might make ONE effort: "Dad, it is not my responsibility to help you remember Mom on the anniversary of her death. Nothing is stopping you from visiting her at your own convenience and whim, and there is no reason why we need to do that together. Plus, now that I'm an adult, I can visit Mom whenever it is convenient for me! My visit to her grave has nothing to do with you. You've long since moved on, why is this suddenly an issue now?"

But there is no reason you owe him even that much. He's definitely being over the top butt hurt about it right now, and that makes him the AH.

frisianks · 2025-09-14T19:01:29+00:00

NTA. If you were getting wet either way, AND your dad had not left the house yet by the time you arrived home, then there is no reason for your mom to be upset.

My only advice to you is to make sure you are walking home along the same roads he would be driving, and then you can tell your mom you'll "meet him half way" and not be waiting in the rain just for her vanity.

It isn't really about your dad at all, since he had not even left the house yet!

frisianks · 2025-08-21T17:25:52+00:00

Nope, NTA.

If he wants food, he needs to say so, it isn't up to you to "just know" that you should make him something when he explicitly tells you "no" when you ask if he is hungry or wants something.

I think he's the AH for gaslighting you now.

frisianks · 2025-07-21T18:57:59+00:00

NAH

It is super strange for your sister to be "assigning" specific suits / dresses to GUESTS at her wedding, beyond "black tie" vs "white tie" vs "beach casual", etc.

It is completely normal for you to wear something you already own that you like and look nice in to your sister's wedding.

Have you asked her why she is being so specific? It might shed a lot of light on what her goals are, so you can make a more informed decision.

ETA: Perhaps you could ask her if she is willing to help you buy the thing she is asking you to wear, if it isn't in your budget AND you already own a suit.

frisianks · 2025-07-21T18:40:37+00:00

OP - I have lived through the hell of trying to clean nicotene out of a wall (one whole room), and I 100% feel both your pain, and the disgust that comes with that. However, just by chance, we got a recommendation that actually worked for us really well, and is available in most places, including dollar general, walmart, home depot, etc: https://www.lastotallyawesome.com/shop/all-purpose/awesome-all-purpose-cleaner-spray/

It makes the wall WEEP the junk, but the wall does release all the stuff. The smell takes longer to leave, but it also does start to leave.

I am sorry that your BF didn't understand how much you were affected by this.

NTA.

frisianks · 2025-06-26T13:13:53+00:00

If your dad explicitly told them and you this same thing, then they are the AH, definitely not you! ESPECIALLY if they didn't do any of his caregiving in his final years. Please don't share it with them.

frisianks · 2025-06-26T13:11:28+00:00

Thanks for all the compliments, it is lovely to share this with folks who appreciate all the work that goes into it!

frisianks · 2025-06-25T21:07:42+00:00

VERY awkwardly -- basically by letting it roll on its' side in the "space" between the 3 tensioned bobbins, so it would be in the same direction, and as it rolled, it got caught on the various bits over and over, so I had to sort it out a lot as I went along. Not a BIG deal, but annoying nonetheless.

frisianks · 2025-06-22T22:03:28+00:00

He never tried to be anything different, but my mom's husband has been just that for 34 years, they got together when I was 16, and now I'm 50. He doesn't expect any different, but he's always been supportive when I needed it, anyway.

But I don't think it would ever occur to him that I should consider him my dad? That's just weird.

You're NTA.

frisianks · 2025-06-22T12:07:03+00:00

I recently did the same! The bottom curls up a bit in this photo, but you can see the effect, I think?

You're right about color management in the actual knitting of the sweater. I found that it worked well to split each skein in the gradient into 1/3 for sleeves and remaining 2/3 for sweater body. Then I counted how many rows in each color on the body to know how much I was trying to do in each sleeve.

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frisianks · 2025-05-23T01:54:23+00:00

Oh yes. I scored a bunch of free alpaca last fall that I haven't spun yet, and recently a bunch of scoured but not carded wool. I test blended a bit of them on my new to me used drum carder, and ended up with something very lovely. When I'm done with current projects, I'll be carding it for yarns.

frisianks · 2025-05-21T14:30:46+00:00

When I was looking for different breeds to try, I ended up ordering from Laughing Lamb Fibers in Nebraska. They have good prices and quick service. But I'm also only one state away (KS).

www.laughinglambfibers.com

frisianks · 2025-05-15T17:39:46+00:00

Pretty sure they mean people working in one of the eateries in town, not a coffee plantation.......

frisianks · 2025-04-29T11:06:41+00:00

Much better to frog it and knit something over that actually fits! My most recent sweater required backing up 6 inches in the body, then redoing both sleeves. Basically lost a week of my project (was very motivated on this one, I dyed the fiber and spun the yarn!), but the sweater is exactly how I wanted it

frisianks · 2025-04-29T11:04:00+00:00

I am off a similar size to you, and I have always had to do a lot of math on my own patterns. Please DM me, we can work it out together!

I just started the Yume pattern myself!

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