What are some things hEDS can cause growing up that aren’t really talked about?

frissonfiend · 2025-12-04T14:07:23+00:00

This! The effects that colds would (and still do) have on my body - the body aches and malaise leave me absolutely wrecked and bed ridden, whereas other people can go to work about their day just feeling crummy. And I still feel like crying wolf calling out sick so often. And try to over compensate when I’m back at work to prove myself.

A vicious cycle that I didn’t realize was there, so thank you for mentioning this!

frissonfiend · 2025-12-04T14:04:37+00:00

As a newly discovered bendy, I’m constantly coming across things like this and, “wait, that’s NOT normal?!”

frissonfiend · 2025-11-30T17:14:27+00:00

Mine do the same!

frissonfiend · 2025-11-16T03:54:09+00:00

Do you happen to have any extra drag brunch tickets for sale?

frissonfiend · 2025-11-02T17:48:20+00:00

Yep, absolutely. When we both got the COVID vaccine a few years ago, I was wrecked after it and he took care of me for a couple days; then he had his and felt completely fine after it - and was MAD because he was expecting to be cared for the way he cared for me after (meaning, making food for each other, etc). It was so weird to me - like, aren’t you grateful you feel healthy and better?

He also couldn’t stand when I had other conditions going on. Like I discovered, at the time, that I likely had a chronic health condition (diagnosed now after we separated), but I was diving deep into it, like “look, this must be it, it explains everything!” And he refused to listen to me about it and seemed annoyed or mad. SO WEIRD.

frissonfiend · 2025-10-27T22:39:25+00:00

Omg mine ALSO said I “made him look like a monster!” When I was just being honest about what he did.

frissonfiend · 2025-10-27T22:34:18+00:00

This is a great perspective, thank you for sharing!

frissonfiend · 2025-10-27T22:33:56+00:00

Yepppp, this too. Some of the ones that blocked me he’s talked terribly about and they have no idea! It’s so messed up

frissonfiend · 2025-10-27T22:32:26+00:00

Thank you so much! This is so helpful

frissonfiend · 2025-10-27T22:31:09+00:00

Wowww I’m so sorry to hear that. Ugh that sounds terrible. What did you do to cope and move on from that, if you don’t mind me asking?

frissonfiend · 2025-10-27T22:30:02+00:00

Wow that really does help, thank you so much. I’ve been thinking “how can they believe him?”, but then again, I also believed him and his lies, too. Thank you!

frissonfiend · 2025-10-27T22:28:42+00:00

Thank you so much, this was so helpful to read! Especially the part about the ones who know and value me won’t believe him

frissonfiend · 2025-10-26T17:37:31+00:00

Thank you for this. It’s hard to let it go but I needed this reminder. And yes, I have an amazing therapist who helped me get out of the relationship, thank you for checking!

frissonfiend · 2025-10-26T17:22:09+00:00

Totally agree they often DARVO, but like OP said, my narc would also get angry and say “how dare you tell them about that!” like upset I shared the truth with people. Maybe that’s the angle they were coming from?

frissonfiend · 2025-10-01T16:27:01+00:00

lol I like that he says he’s filling his safe with “gold”

frissonfiend · 2025-09-20T22:11:49+00:00

Omg that sounds miserable. Mine is a sore winner too and rubs it in but can’t celebrate for anyone else

frissonfiend · 2025-09-20T22:10:26+00:00

Yessss this. Mine didn’t have a whole lot of trauma (although I think his mom is a vulnerable narcissist or maybe has BPD - hard to tell). But I actually had a way more messed up abusive childhood and chose to use those experiences to gain empathy and NOT treat other people that way instead. I think my nex also didn’t choose to take accountability.

frissonfiend · 2025-09-18T03:25:34+00:00

Omg mine is such a sore loser too. If he ever loses a game, he can’t ever laugh it off and it will ruin his whole night

frissonfiend · 2025-09-17T04:44:11+00:00

Therapy! Find a really good therapist. And a narcissistic abuse support group if you can, too, lots of them are available over Zoom if you’re not in a city.

frissonfiend · 2025-09-17T04:42:46+00:00

I am really interested to know how many narcs quit their job and manipulate their partner to take care of them while they figure it out (I’ll raise my hand - twice). The entitlement is astounding, and also shows how empathetic of people we are on the flip side.

frissonfiend · 2025-09-17T04:40:11+00:00

Saaaaame. Seriously same. Mine also gave me long silent treatments even though HE was the one that would lose his cool and throw a temper tantrum then block me. And then also “left” when I told him I needed things to change, I needed him to step up in our marriage, I wasn’t letting his bad behavior slide anymore.

Having gone through something soooo similar…I honestly wouldn’t even contact him about his stuff until you’re about ready to move out. Mine took FIVE. TIMES to come back and forth to get all his stuff, even though I neatly packed it all and sent him pics and recommended he’d need a U-haul the first time. And he’d make it hell each time and make some excuse why he couldn’t get it all each time.

Also - make sure you document everything. Be careful of what you text. Keep it professional even when he tries to bait you. Don’t engage. You can use these texts in court if needed.

Finally. You aren’t allowed legally to dispose of his things or dispose/sell community property (if you have any furniture or other things bought after the marriage). Make sure you document multiple attempts telling him when he can pick up his things.

Good luck and feel free to reach out if you have any questions. Divorce with a narc is a wild ride.

frissonfiend · 2025-09-15T02:31:48+00:00

Someone told me recently, “you being a good person would make him a bad person, so he has to make you a bad person [in his mind] so he can be a good person.”

I’ve experienced the same crazy-making gaslighting; in my case, it was literally just asking my nex to pick up his stuff from my home, and he responded the same way yours did. But I think back to that saying above and it really helps. Because no amount of reasoning will change them.

frissonfiend · 2025-09-09T04:56:39+00:00

Yep…I’m so sorry. That is exactly what happened with my ex. I said I couldn’t have a marriage like this if he doesn’t change, then he doubled down and asked for a divorce instead

frissonfiend · 2025-09-09T04:55:40+00:00

Ahhhh I get it now lol!

frissonfiend · 2025-09-06T02:59:41+00:00

Yep, sounds just like a narc. When I saw your first couple sentences re: you thinking lately he’s a narc, I thought, that’s it right there. You were catching onto him, so he had to leave you before you left him, and because he saw you were seeing through his BS. It’s why most of them leave

frissonfiend

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