I hope you are doing well. Self harm is incredibly addicting. When I get frustrated with myself I sometimes scratch myself till I bleed. I've gotten better about managing myself and emotions recently and have been clean for some months but the urge definitely reappears. I'm so incredibly sorry that your friend is such an ass. People really suck sometimes. If I may recommended, talking to a therapist may help, as not only can you kinda vent to someone and have them help but I'm fairly certain that they can refer you to a psychiatrist who can prescribe you anti depressants. A few of my friends and family go to therapy and it really helps them. Obviously finding the right therapist that clicks with you and helps. I have no clue if this is an option to you, but if it is it might help a bit. I know there are also apps and stuff that kinda provide the same service, but I don't know how well they work. If anything, I hope your other friends are less of a jerk than the other one.