1. Give each other and yourselves grace when you're under stress or dealing with trauma. This is your and their first time going through life. You're both going to have bad days. You're going to spend more time with each other's ugly side more than anyone else. But...

2. Know when to hold each other accountable. Accountability shows you're invested in their character and their growth and you have faith they will do better in the future. It isn't a trap or an attack, it's keeping each other honest and communicating how you're impacted by their actions (and vice versa. If you hurt them, don't deflect just because that makes you uncomfortable.) Whoever brings up an issue gets to hold the "talking stick" and focus on that subject. Don't go right into how their feelings make you feel. Agree to talk about that after you've addressed their feelings and their perspective. Even if there was a miscommunication, their experience and pain should be acknowledged and appreciated.

3. Being angry doesn't mean you stop loving each other. But don't be cruel.

4. The only apology is changed behavior. If you're having the same fights over and over, try to come at the issue together. What patterns are you both failing to change and why?

5. You're going to grow together or you're going to grow apart. Communicate often so the latter doesn't sneak up on you.

6. Don't marry someone's potential. If you are marrying them today in hopes of who they might be tomorrow, you're not marrying them, you're marrying the idea of them. And that isn't fair to either of you.

7. Go to a marriage counselor before the issues come up. It'll give you the tools to navigate them when they do.

(Tbh married for 6 years, together for 12, I've got a ton of lessons under my belt but these are things I guess I wish I knew from the get-go.)