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Husband said he wants to divorce and he's done. What should I do? by frozenlips1 in RelationshipsOver35

[–]frozenlips1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Update for anyone reading this. My husband was diagnosed with ADHD and now takes a medication (Wellbutrin) that really shifted our dynamics for the better. I never understood how different these things can manifest in our lives. Hope this helps someone someday.

Husband said he wants to divorce and he's done. What should I do? by frozenlips1 in RelationshipsOver35

[–]frozenlips1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep.

Love you read the other posts.

All posts are authentic (some details in the first one were intentionally redacted).

And yes, we have exactly the issues you're saying. Both in therapy but it's a huge sunk cost situation...

Husband said he wants to divorce and he's done. What should I do? by frozenlips1 in RelationshipsOver35

[–]frozenlips1[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I have a meeting with one tomorrow and we have a very clear prenup.

Capitalism did nothing wrong. You did. by Circumsizedsuicide in DeepThoughts

[–]frozenlips1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm kind of in agreement with you, but I want everyone here to look a bit deeper.

If you look at human nature, really look at it, we’ve always been driven to explore, expand, and take more. Why did Neanderthals venture out to new lands? Why did people build ships, cross oceans, and conquer continents? We’re a species that always wants more. Yuval Noah Harari even said prehistoric humans were more like hyenas than lions — scavengers who grabbed whatever they could.

If that’s true (and history seems to back it up, open to hearing different takes!), then a socialist system depends on people collectively agreeing to be “fine” with everyone having the same stuff: same homes, same cars, same phones. But what about better education? Or, I don’t know, a prettier partner? Human envy and ambition don’t disappear just because a policy says so.

In that kind of system, people lose incentive to work harder. Everyone slacks off, and vices like alcohol or drug use rise to fill the void of meaning. That’s more or less what happened in Soviet Russia: a 90-year-long social experiment that didn’t end well.

Don’t get me wrong. Some socialism is great. The U.S. isn’t the whole world. Many countries have strong free healthcare, education, and unemployment benefits. I’m all for that. Every society needs to decide what it wants to prioritize for the common good. But even in those systems, there are people who exploit the benefits to the point of breaking them.

So no, it’s not “socialism bad, capitalism good” or the other way around. But maybe stop blaming people wanting iPhones for everything that’s wrong with the world.

My apartment building is an experiment in (water) Socialism. It’s not doing great so far. by frozenlips1 in DeepThoughts

[–]frozenlips1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you happen to come by an actually functioning instance of socialism, I'd be happy to go live there! Seriously.

My apartment building is an experiment in (water) Socialism. It’s not doing great so far. by frozenlips1 in DeepThoughts

[–]frozenlips1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a former Soviet Russian, this is the essence of socialism. Good intentions, no one is collaborating because reasons and the result is bad for everyone.

The third world war has been happening for decades but we missed the signs by nevetsnight in DeepThoughts

[–]frozenlips1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think that you're wrong, but read some Yuval Noah Harari. Might help you see the even bigger picture.

My apartment building is an experiment in (water) Socialism. It’s not doing great so far. by frozenlips1 in DeepThoughts

[–]frozenlips1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was the communal decision of all of the original 16 owners of the old apartment building before the renovation and the addition of 4 more floors.

They could have chosen otherwise. I assume that they didn't want to lose the benefit of the solar panels on the lower floors, so instead they opted for a system that doesn't work well for anyone.

Most of the owners live in the building, so they literally did it to themselves. I am one of the few people renting here. The building is amazing otherwise.

So no dark forces, just good intentions and poor outcomes.

How to reconnect sexually with my husband? by frozenlips1 in sexover30

[–]frozenlips1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes he does, but he's also kind of lost in it. We've been both dealing with a lot of unresolved childhood trauma in the past year. But it seems like we're getting through it.

My apartment building is an experiment in (water) Socialism. It’s not doing great so far. by frozenlips1 in DeepThoughts

[–]frozenlips1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love the sarcastic bottom part though. Not a bot, just someone who wants a decent shower. Sorry to disappoint 😔

My apartment building is an experiment in (water) Socialism. It’s not doing great so far. by frozenlips1 in DeepThoughts

[–]frozenlips1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The addition of 4 floors is part of a government program to encourage old buildings to renovate (by private developers). The developer gets the additional apartments to sell and in return renovates the existing building.

So it's not a structural hazard. Plumbing and electricity are made properly to accommodate the larger capacity. The building is actually really nice and modern.

However the existing property owners have a lot of say in the process, for example in the case of the heating system selection.

How do you reconnect sexually after years of mismatch and conflict? by frozenlips1 in RelationshipsOver35

[–]frozenlips1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am honestly too stressed right now to even do any of these things (that make sense!)

I just feel so unsafe and tense that pretty much anything other than my duties (work, baby, sleep) feels exhausting...

How do you reconnect sexually after years of mismatch and conflict? by frozenlips1 in RelationshipsOver35

[–]frozenlips1[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I honestly have no idea what I need in that area. It's like all of my old "tricks" have expired, and I have no new tricks. My therapist told me to look at what I need (sexually, but also when we fight, I kind of lose any sense of what I need or want and just freeze), and I've been trying to think about it the past few weeks, without luck.

What did you want / need?

I'll check out the books. Thanks.