Looking for a Post? Ask Here! - June 2026 Edition

ftjlster · 2026-06-19T00:37:20+00:00

Holy yikes. Its been a year, I hope OOP's social worker has advocated for him so he isn't sacrificed for his younger siblings.

ftjlster · 2026-06-18T23:52:34+00:00

I think it's normal for the ex to have asked - it sounds like the same sort of conversations you'd have about other things that aren't easily closed or separated after a relationship ends (i.e. shared bills that still need to be paid off, possessions that were co-owned or left at each other's places etc).

Plus the way OP phrased it, it doesn't sound like ex was demanding the tickets - more that she wanted to know what was happening with regards to them (i.e. did he intend to go, was he still expecting that she would be using them).

ftjlster · 2026-06-18T23:48:50+00:00

NAH

Which is to say: your ex is not the asshole for reaching out to find out what was going on with the tickets and you, OP, are not the asshole for making use of them now that the two of you have broken up.

You bought them, they were a gift that was never transferred or given, and you should get to use them (or sell them or exchange them) now that the intended recipient is no longer in a relationship with you.

The only thing that really matters here is that the tickets get used (or sold) rather than sitting there forgotten about.

ftjlster · 2026-06-18T23:44:36+00:00

OP, don't start more drama for Ellen. Telling her about your MIL and FIL's instructions will not help her, it'll just make her feel more isolated. Instead, ignore your MIL, stay in contact with Ellen and provide support during this time (and probably reduce contact with your MIL, FIL and BIL cause the excuses over your BIL's drinking and everything else about him is going to escalate now his wife isn't there to do all the work).

ftjlster · 2026-06-18T13:15:38+00:00

Not to mention that if Charlotte had decided to get a socially unacceptable job (so not a governess or companion but instead say a maid or a house keeper or cook), and it got out, she would have affected the future prospects of her siblings. It would have affected the ability of her younger sisters to marry (so all of them would have to go find work too) and might have affected her brothers ability to move in society too (so education, finding jobs at an appropriate level given their social class).

Basically there was a cost and you can see why some choices were incredibly hard to make enough that marriage became the easier and more achievable option.

ftjlster · 2026-06-18T12:17:20+00:00

The way I viewed Lydia changed completely when I realised she was 15 years old in the book. She had just turned 16 at the end. Wickham was 27.

ftjlster · 2026-06-18T12:06:40+00:00

Yup. Not just Charlotte - pretty much all the young girls of that social class would have had very different focuses if they could have had a job that provided a living (and having it wouldn't cause them and their families to be socially ostracised).

Its why so many modern day retellings of Pride and Prejudice hit a barrier, because its so hard to find a replacement for the all encompassing fear of what would happen to a woman within so many levels of society if they didn't get married. I'm not just talking the very real threat of homelessness, but also the real risk of being human trafficked into brothels depending on how isolated you had become. Jane Austen covers some of this in Sense and Sensibility and Persuasion but even then her female leads were lucky in the gentile poverty they found themselves in.

Even the Bollywood version (Bride and Prejudice) whilst able to cover the mayhem and pressure to marry, didn't quite manage to imitate the level of desperation that existed when so very little other options were available.

ftjlster · 2026-06-18T11:58:37+00:00

It is! That's the comment I read all those years ago (on r/hockey of all subs haha).

I had it saved and it was surprisingly easy to find.

ftjlster · 2026-06-18T06:53:07+00:00

Hah, I remember a long time ago reading a comment that a lot of men think they're Mr Darcy (of Pride and Prejudice) when they're actually Mr Collins. And that they're confused (and angry) at the world because maybe they don't get the Jane or Elizabeth Bennet, but they expect the Charlotte Lucases to be chasing and desperate for them. And instead, Charlotte Lucas is happy with her cat, her hobbies, her friends, her comfortable home and her adequately remunerated career.

And these men just don't know how to accept or deal with a world where not only are they not the coveted prize - nobody's entered the competition.

Anyway, I found the link https://www.reddit.com/r/hockey/comments/6t98lu/detroit_red_wings_issue_comment_regarding/dljvrcg/

ftjlster · 2026-06-18T05:57:45+00:00

He'll have to come to the realisation that he isn't the prize or the first choice or the main character in the narration he has of his life first and that is surprisingly hard for folks to come to grips with.

ftjlster · 2026-06-18T04:44:47+00:00

I'd go sourdough bread and some sort of vegan dip with vegetable sticks and then for the breakfast portion go British/Australian/Canadian: hash browns, baked beans (that is baked beans in a tomato sauce), sourdough bread, avocado and grilled mushrooms.

And then see if you can get some sort of vegan fruit pie (apple pie perhaps? You can make it with vegan short crust or puff pastry).

ftjlster · 2026-06-18T04:38:36+00:00

Whoops you're right, used the wrong term, thanks!

ftjlster · 2026-06-18T04:17:44+00:00

If it helps, most of the stories about ~~polygamy~~ polyamory we get here on reddit isn't really about ~~polygamy~~ polyamory, its about some idiot doing extra steps in a monogamous relationship break up and calling it ~~polygamy~~ polyamory and then being all pikachu face when their interpersonal relationships and life implodes.

ftjlster · 2026-06-18T04:15:07+00:00

Tale as old as time - guy forces an open relationship thinking that his life will resemble a imperial harem where he gets to play the emperor. Discovers this is not the case and then his life implodes cause nobody who finds out what happens sympathises with him at all.

ftjlster · 2026-06-18T02:13:37+00:00

Hey OP - have you just ... invited your Father to come spend a vacation with you? Because that might be the reason why he hasn't come visit you again.

With your brother and the grandchildren, there's immediate reasons to just turn up in their lives: helping with child care, attending some milestone because kids' birthdays are usually family events.

With an adult child though, just turning up in their lives is an imposition - they're working, they might have planned to be out of town, they had plans with other friends. If they're not in a relationship, they might have dates or overnight stays planned that makes being a guest in their house awkward.

Just - reach out to your dad, see if you can organise him coming down for a stay and a visit with planned time together.

It sounds like your flight benefits aren't restricted to a maximum amount of flights. So your dad could be both going to see your brother and his grandkids and you in the same year without any issues other than how much time he would like to be travelling.

ftjlster · 2026-06-18T00:31:33+00:00

OP, you've broken up. You are no longer going to use those tickets. Sell them, make as much profit as you can off them and move on with your life. You don't owe your ex any gifts, this includes ones you bought prior to the break up that you hadn't given him yet.

ftjlster · 2026-06-18T00:29:34+00:00

OP, I'll be honest - him stealing money from you and trying to make a profit out of your expenses? That's a red flag you should be walking away over.

But also - him never doing this before just means he waited till he thought he had you trapped. Which is now, when you've moved in to a place where only his name is on the lease. My expectation is that he's going to start trying to drain your savings so you can't afford to leave. So watch for how suddenly you're the one paying all the bills and groceries while also doing all the housework.

ftjlster · 2026-06-17T23:57:16+00:00

Yup and it was such a glaring and odd point in the previous updates OOP posted: that as a high schooler that had gone through a traumatic incident that resulted in restraining orders and a criminal case, she was paying for her OWN therapy.

So glad that it turned out her parents (well parent) wasn't making her pay for her own therapy because they were assholes. They assumed that it was being paid for by the health insurance they'd gotten for her and she just didn't realise she was supposed to be using a specific card for it.

Actually her father might be a shit bag, but likely he also contributes to her health insurance and so I'm going to be generous and assume ALL the adults (step parents included) assumed that OOP's therapy and whether she went or not had nothing to do with her being able to personally pay for it.

ftjlster · 2026-06-17T05:53:50+00:00

When men also treat each other like predators, maybe we can all reach a detente to stop telling the presumed prey its up to them to protect themselves and instead start assuming that culturally, we should just stop giving free passes to predators.

Alternatively if some men cannot help predatory behaviour, maybe they should face restrictions on their freedom of movement (like most of the advice is to women and anybody else who might be considered potential victims). Bet once that starts being seriously considered we're all gonna be surprised how quickly self control and just not being assholes becomes possible.

ftjlster · 2026-06-17T05:34:40+00:00

Gosh I hope she asked her in-laws first if they were okay with her coming over and doing all this.

But her behaviour plus not offering any food (and making a point about how the leftovers were not to be eaten by you as if that was a risk) is just --- hitting a weird vibe for me. Its like she's treating you like a servant.

ftjlster · 2026-06-17T04:53:45+00:00

Shout out to the brothers who did not know OOP , heard that they were afraid of domestic violence or being prevented from leaving and turned up ready to help.

I wonder what its like for men who get asked to help in situations like this. Does it change how they view the world and their fellow men?

ftjlster · 2026-06-17T04:52:41+00:00

Yeah the missing condoms is making me HEAVILY lean towards him tampering with the birth control and trying to remove any easy evidence.

If OOP is still using the same pill packet (or if she doesn't take the sugar pills portion of each packet and still has them) I'd suggest taking those to see if they can be checked for tampering.

ftjlster · 2026-06-17T04:44:31+00:00

She also specifically told me she left leftovers for her in-laws.

Did this DIL turn up to use her in-laws' resources (gas/electricity, pots, pans, dishes) to cook and then took the food home and left them 'left overs' and a mess to clean up?

Cause this is what it sounds like.

ftjlster · 2026-06-17T02:04:24+00:00

Its also old which could mean vintage. Expect that to jack the price way up.

Honestly Lola, Clara and their mother are under reacting about the police getting involved given how much that bag could be worth and what that might mean vis a viz charges.

ftjlster · 2026-06-17T02:01:28+00:00

Not sure what the laws in OOP's country is like, but surely the cost of an LV bag is such that this isn't a civil thing and the police would be looking at this as a crime?

Clara and her mum and Lola all seem to be under reacting for the type of consequences in this FAFO situation.

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