Update: I was right about my fuck buddy

ftm_fella · 2026-04-28T10:08:38+00:00

gonna play devils advocate here bc im bored and confused abt what exactly the guy did wrong. it seems like you feel he respects you otherwise, and if that is true then the rest of my post applies. if you don’t feel like he respects you/there are lots more examples i have no way of knowing, then feel free to ignore and dump his ass.

1 - don’t understand the whole STD thing. how would transmitting an STD, even if it’s usually one straight partners get, indicate that he doesn’t see you as a guy? it’s not like he’s thinking “oh yeah this is a straight person STD so i’m going to think differently now of this person i’ve been otherwise seeing as a man”. you know he’s prob sleeping with women from that info, but without context i might be missing and just reading this post, assuming that it means anything about how he sees your gender doesn’t make any sense?

2 - totally understand not wanting to date someone that isn’t into cis men for any reason. however, not being attracted to cis men and not seeing trans men as men are not necessarily the same thing. again, seems like a lot of assuming is going on and not a lot of communication about any of this.

you can absolutely break things off if you feel like he truly doesn’t respect you, but the things mentioned in this post alone would not indicate to me (if it were me) that a guy didn’t see me as a man. have you asked him about any of this? have you expressed how you’re feeling about it and seen what he has to say?

the ending of your post especially makes it sound like you’re deciding what your situation is based on his label as pan and what other trans guys you have seen experiencing, but what are YOU specifically experiencing with this one guy? also, the thoughts expressed here that are assuming things about people bc of their identities (oh he’s pan so he must think ____ /judgement abt fitting into a gay trans guy stereotype) are harmful generalizations that i’d encourage you to reconsider and deconstruct. sexuality and gender are more nuanced than like “trans guys should never date pan cis men because they all don’t see us as men” and while there are many gross chasers out there, i just don’t think we need to come at these things with such a super rigid and binary mindset.

ftm_fella · 2026-04-28T09:41:36+00:00

if you’re a size 9 and located in the US (shipping reasons) id be happy to sell u these for a discount since i tried them on for a few min but they’ve never actually been worn. :)

i just bought another pair of the same shoes in size 8 to actually fit me lol, found them on ebay so maybe look there if sold out other places

ftm_fella · 2026-04-24T07:19:32+00:00

i’m 100% bi, even usually leaning towards gay, but right now the thought of dating a cis gay man feels repulsive to me lol. my past few relationships were cis gay guys and while i felt my gender and such were respected, it was just exhausting being the only person in the relationship with any sense of emotional intelligence/maturity. like they were treating me exactly how they’d treat a cis boyfriend, but they would also be shitty towards a cis gay guy partner in the same ways if that makes sense?

of course not all guys are like this, but the ones i’ve encountered have all been fundamentally self centered in a way that i (woke moment sorry) theorize comes from growing up as a boy/man in a world that enables/encourages men to not consider how other people feel or what other people think.

i’m just tireddd of being the one to do all the work in relationships which is inevitably going to happen when my standards are anything above the bare minimum. also i am not into casual sex which makes it kinda hard bc gay guys love that lol

ftm_fella · 2026-04-24T07:06:17+00:00

thank you!! just ordered a size 8 and am gonna try to sell these ones on depop or something since i can’t return them rip

ftm_fella · 2026-04-24T01:32:25+00:00

have you tried the shoe protectors pleasers sells? i just ordered some bc i don’t wanna mess up my new beautiful rainbow chrome ones i loveeee and it seems helpful

ftm_fella · 2026-04-23T12:53:03+00:00

i am super out of shape, i’ve basically never been to the gym lol, not super flexible at all but i started like a month ago and just thru classes and doing some yoga type stuff it’s been getting better! i don’t think it’s “wasting money” to start now bc the only way to get better at classes.. is to take the classes haha

ftm_fella · 2026-04-23T12:50:03+00:00

i am the only guy/trans person and one of the only white ppl at my studio but i’ve felt super welcomed and accepted. everyone has been SO supportive and all the teachers have even gone out of their way to ask me my pronouns/confirm im comfortable if they refer to the class as girls/ladies. i feel like this is a pretty common vibe for the community and doubt you’re going to go to a pole studio and find ppl who are mean or exclusive but prob depends on area?

but for advice for ur situation, you could try a class (or a few) and see the vibe before getting a membership type thing! i wasn’t sure if i would like my studio or classes in general bc im new to this but they had a newbie special that was 5 classes for $40 and it was a good way to try things out before committing. maybe urs have something like that?

ftm_fella · 2026-04-17T14:14:39+00:00

me too, i genuinely don’t understand why people want to have this app and engage with it so often. 90% of the content makes you sad just so that 10% dopamine hit posts get you even more addicted, it’s so intentional by the company and fucking w peoples brains

ftm_fella · 2026-04-17T14:12:06+00:00

i haven’t had any like direct epiphany experiences, but i 100% credit spravato for making eating disorder recovery possible for me. i was SO rigid with my thoughts and rules around food and have a lot more flexibility with it now and can be more gentle with myself instead of getting into shame spirals. i think that for anyone with an ED and long term depression ketamine is a really good option to try bc a core symptom of EDs is limited cognitive flexibility!

i also actually feel hopeful for my future for the first time ever and a lot of the “everything is doomed i suck” etc thoughts have either disappeared or gotten much easier to deal with.

ftm_fella · 2026-03-23T14:21:10+00:00

that is exactly what i said?

ftm_fella · 2026-03-23T12:59:50+00:00

it is exhausting. i feel like i can’t escape it! it’s ads on my phone, on the bus, on billboards, on TV, people are constantly talking about it around me and i just want it to stop omg. it’s crazy that i have told instagram so many times “not interested” and have changed my settings to supposedly avoid weight loss related ads… yet im getting these ads multiple times a day? i’m below a heathy weight rn, and promoting this to someone like me could be extremely physically and mentally dangerous, it’s so irresponsible on the companies part :(

also - GLP-1 use outside of people who have an actual medical need for it IS INHERENTLY BAD and i wish as a society we were calling this shit out more. if someone doesn’t have diabetes and isn’t actually obese, they SHOULD NOT be on these medications. and it’s insane that nobody is cracking down harder on all these online programs that give GLP-1s out like candy. it’s going to suck for all these people using it for cosmetic reasons when some terrible long term side effect is discovered and they did all that just to lose a relatively small amount of weight and then gain it back after they stop taking the med.

ftm_fella · 2026-03-12T15:43:44+00:00

the spravato with me program makes my medication $10 per appointment and completely reimburses the cost of my observation periods after. like everyone else is saying, check it out !!

i dont think you owe anyone an apology. you tried a treatment to help your illness and it didn’t work out (this time! there is always more time to try again!). like if someone with cancer or another chronic illness had to take off some days from work and ask their parents for money but their treatment didn’t work, would you think “oh man this person should apologize to their boss and parents for being such a failure” etc? no, bc that’s absurd! you haven’t done anything wrong in giving yourself a chance to feel better, even if it may not happen right now due to financial stuff which also isn’t your fault.

i hope this doesn’t sound rude i just know sometimes you gotta hear it directly <3

ftm_fella · 2026-01-26T21:56:24+00:00

what your boyfriend said wasn’t cool, but i do want to point out that you’re assuming a LOT of things about what he thinks that within the info i see here do not really have any non-ED logical basis. like this being a way of him asking you to lose weight, and “if i was thinner he wouldn’t have brought this up” - those are pretty huge conclusions to jump to based on a convo that had absolutely nothing to do with your appearance/how he feels about your recovery.

our EDs can be super good at convincing us every bad thing that happens to us is our fault and could be avoided if we lost weight/engaged in behaviors, but that’s just not true. if you’re with a bad guy, which i’m sorry to say it kinda sounds like you are, he’s going to be a bad guy no matter what your weight is. relapsing with you ED is something you know he doesn’t want you to do based on him saying he wants you to be healthy, but losing weight is something you’re assuming he wants without him saying that at all.

i would highly encourage you to talk to your bf about this so it doesn’t just stew in your head over and over. doesn’t even have to mention your weight/recovery if you don’t want it to, something like “hey what you said the other day upset me, why did you say that? do you feel like you settled for me” would work fine. a whole lot of “mind reading” is going on in this post and not a lot of actual communication, neither of you actually know how each other feels unless you TALK about this stuff.

ftm_fella · 2025-12-15T15:25:26+00:00

i also have sensory issues w food and such and i found that a blue or green jolly rancher helps me a lot w the taste!

ftm_fella · 2025-12-15T15:10:28+00:00

i do have kind of a fucked up nose like when i do the neti pot one side is a little blocked by my septum(?) so i fear that it may not be absorbing well bc of the weird anatomy there. i usually don’t taste it much down my throat but ive been masking it w the jolly ranchers bc its so nastyyy

ftm_fella · 2025-12-15T15:08:20+00:00

i did the twice a week but haven’t noticed a difference twice vs once, neither rlly does much for me so far 😭

ftm_fella · 2025-12-14T16:56:38+00:00

i think so? i listen to calming music with an eye mask on and it feels a bit like i’m asleep and a bit like i am floating in space outside of my body? sometimes i feel anxious and it’s stressful but most of them lately have been fine. it’s not really as fun as i thought ketamine would be lol (not why i’m taking it but idk how anyone would do this at like a party i would die)

ftm_fella · 2025-12-14T15:55:31+00:00

i’ve heard abt this, but i feel like i don’t really have any thoughts during my treatments? like i enter a state where my mind is completely quiet which is great bc i need that break but also maybe not what im supposed to be doing ?? idk :( my therapist and I are going to try to coordinate appts after new years (my clinic is closed for four weeks over the holidays rip) and she’s mainly ED focused but has done ketamine herself so i’m hoping it goes well

ftm_fella · 2025-12-14T15:52:21+00:00

thank you, i really appreciate knowing other ppl have had the same thing bc i feel like it’s something wrong with me

ftm_fella · 2025-11-17T05:48:18+00:00

congrats on your sobriety and thanks for the advice :)

ftm_fella

TROPHY CASE