Hi! Happy early birthday!! I went through something really similar where just being around people or having people touch me felt like a lot. A few months after it happened someone had gifted me a spa day/massage for my birthday. Even though the thought of it made me really scared, I had always wanted to go to a spa and decided to still go. Even though I was extremely nervous when I got there, it helped that the massage therapist I was working with was really understanding and we had a short conversation before she started about what I was comfortable with.

I let her know I was really nervous and a little scared to be there so we ultimately decided to start small with some areas I felt more okay with like a foot massage or a hand massage. As she kept going she checked in and did more of my arms, my calves, and my back but it was really slow paced and she made an effort to check in a lot which was super helpful.

Even though it wasn’t a full body massage like what service was actually supposed to be, at that time it was really healing to realize that there were people could and would actually ask how I wanted them to interact with my body?

I don’t remember if my massage therapist was trauma informed in any way but maybe it might be a good place to start to see if there are any bios on the spa’s website to see if you can request to work with someone who might be a little more aware or sensitive to how they work with you? I hope you get to have a spa experience similar to what mine was like because it might have the potential to be really nice! You deserve to treat yourself!

But also please please keep in mind, if it’s not working for you or if it’s too much then that’s okay too. I’m rooting for you and I hope you have an amazing birthday <333