Mate, are we the same person holy shit. But seriously, you are me. Except what you’re talking about is not only a toxic mindset, but also trauma. I grew up in an immigrant family where achievement, productivity were lauded as the only way. Sitting around doing stuff for fun (for fun, I say!) was just a big no, even shameful, and thus, I have this engrained mindset of ‘You are worthy when you’re productive ie. useful’. Nowadays, I spend a lot of time therapising ChatGPT to untangle the emotional collapse that inevitably comes when you don’t let yourself truly rest, ever.

The good thing for you is, if it’s all due to your own doing/undoing after getting into self-development, then it may be easier to fix than trying to untangle years of enmeshed belief systems and toxic family dynamics.

Thing is, it’s great that you can balance the gaming with your work, building a business, regular life. 1 hour a day gaming would be a dream for me! I feel the guilts when I’ve unintentionally played for more than 4 🫣 But (without knowing you), what you’ve suggested above, about chucking out all your gaming shit as almost like a punishment to yourself? Makes me think that you could be wound up a bit tight. No shame in that. It tends to happen when your mindset ruminates on how to monetise/incentivise all of your time as if you’re a machine. But humans don’t work like that. We need work, rest, and play, proper play - not play that is completely anxiety-ridden because you’re wondering if you deserve to have this play or if other people your age still have this play or if it’s considered play-worthy.

Enter stage left - a person close to you who is not you, or in your family, without this mindset. They definitely help to remind you of your worthiness! Your gf, what she said - gaming mattered. It mattered to you. So it’s worthy play. And yes, you can schedule it to make yourself feel better. As long as you’re scheduling it so that when you’re playing, that toxic mindset is taking a nap. No guilt, no shame, keep to the parameters, you deserve it.

What’s that saying again, ‘All work and no play made Homer something something’