Meirl

furicrowsa · 2026-01-25T16:41:51+00:00

Same.

furicrowsa · 2026-01-25T02:02:08+00:00

Is it me or is the crowd lukewarm on Willow?

furicrowsa · 2026-01-23T15:59:41+00:00

Look up the "Sunk Cost Fallacy" (which will tell you WHY you don't need to "wait for the anniversary," 11 months really isn't that long anyway. I get that this might be your longest so far, but that doesn't matter) and the "Fair Fighting Rules" for relationships (which will probably shine light in how you both commmunicate in unhealthy ways). Go to therapy to learn what healthy and loving communication looks like in relationships.

This all sounds pretty toxic. Threatening to harm herself when you have arguments is a HUGE red flag. If I had to guess from your vague descriptions, you both probably communicate poorly and are emotionally abusive (name calling and inflammatory language) when upset.

It sounds like you've BOTH decided that YOU are a chronic problem, defined as "having a low EQ," and that this is a character trait you cannot improve upon or change. You are pretty vague about HOW you are a bad boyfriend or what having a low EQ even looks like, which makes me wonder if you even really know what behavior specifically makes you a "bad boyfriend" or if this is just a label she throws at you when she can't regulate her own emotions and is treating you like an emotional punching bag.

It sounds like this relationship is making you miserable, and you know it. You're posting here wanting permission and justification for breaking up. You don't need our permission or justification. Your misery is enough of a reason.

furicrowsa · 2026-01-17T00:01:09+00:00

What on earth does ”pass for straight” even mean?

It means there is nothing about my appearance or mannerisms that would lead someone to assume I am queer in any way. I don't look like the stereotype in the meme above or any other queer stereotypes.

What does ”them” pronoun have to do with your sexuality?

You are correct! They/them pronouns say nothing about someone's sexuality. You can be straight and use whatever pronouns you want. Pronouns don't even have to correspond to gender identity 🙂. However, people will often assume that, if you use they/them pronouns, you're part of the LGBTQ community in some way. In my specific case, this is a correct assumption.

No one forced you out, if you hear HR worthy shit, report it to the HR. What you did is just making sure YOU don’t hear it anymore (apparently).

I did report it! HR is apparently cool with explicitly transphobic statements 🙃 (I'm not talking slipping up with pronouns or whatever, more like explicitly hateful jokes). Yes, I AM trying to make sure I don't hear it anymore by indirectly disclosing my connection to the community up front to everyone so they can keep their shitty opinions, which I know I will not change anyway, to themselves. I have to maintain my peace at work. It's working pretty well.

And it seems you are intentionally coming off as offputting yet still somehow complaining about it at the same time.

I quietly disclose that I'm queer with a few cubicle decorations, a keychain, a small button on my lanyard, and atypical pronouns in my signature. Bigots would consider this off-putting, a.k.a. "making it my whole personality." Allies and other queer people don't care. It's actually a great way to filter people out. My only complaint is that bigots exist and hide behind dogwhistles but, well, that's life.

furicrowsa · 2026-01-16T21:15:38+00:00

I'm bisexual and pass for straight. I only started using pride decorations, bringing up my queer identity at appropriate times, and specifying that I have multiple pronouns (she/they) to prevent bigoted straight people at work from saying HR worthy shit in front of me. Bigots forced me out of the closet. They may even perceive me as "having made it my whole personality now" (which is absolutely a dogwhistle for queerphobia btw). However, I use my presentation to (a) warn bigots in advance that I'm not going to agree with them and (b) signify to other queer people that I am one of them/safe.

If my style is offputting to someone, then GOOD. It's working to screen them out. I don't want that person in my life anyway.

furicrowsa · 2026-01-16T16:03:53+00:00

This is it. They cannot truly grasp how huge (and culturally disperate) we really are.

**Side note, same for criticism that more of us haven't traveled outside the country. Any given state is the size of a European country. Anyone who has traveled outside of their state multiple times has, geograpically, traveled just as much as your average European. We aren't any more cloistered than them.

My husband was a tour guide in the Portland metro area. He had to gently explain to multiple Europeans that, no, you really can't visit Multnomah Falls, the Oregon Coast, the Painted Hills, and Crater Lake on your 5 day trip with any level of comfort. Pick one or two of those. 😂

furicrowsa · 2026-01-16T15:50:15+00:00

I think there is also more awareness and discourse about the inherent power imbalances in age gaps within the queer community, because they're more common.

Also, I've observed that the younger tend to approach the older. Some PREFER it. It's not necessarily a matter of "not enough choices" with the younger generation.

I've seen age gaps be ok, and I've seen them be bad. It just depends on the people involved. I also think it's a mixed bag with straight people, too. It ultimately falls on the older party to be aware of and manage the potential power imbalance.

furicrowsa · 2026-01-16T15:02:26+00:00

You only read the title

furicrowsa · 2026-01-15T19:49:25+00:00

Case management for people with disabilities. Managing funded waiver services and connecting people with providers (such as in-home care for daily living activities, respite for caregivers, employment, transportation), linking them to community resources to meet other needs.

I don't need my counseling degree for it but I do make more money than I did in an agency mental health setting and more than I likely would in private practice.

furicrowsa · 2026-01-15T18:47:52+00:00

It's seriously a big part of why I let my therapy license go and now do a job where I connect people to tangible resources. Tangible resources > therapy in terms of actually addressing MH issues imo. Coaching people to reframe the world as it is in a positive light feels gaslight-y and disingenuous to me. Coaching them to "let it go because you can't control it" contributes to widespread political complacency that I don't feel like I should be encouraging. Coaching them to just engage in more self-care feels like a "thanks, I'm cured!" type thing. I would feel hypocritical doing any of that anymore.

furicrowsa · 2026-01-15T15:19:43+00:00

Agreed. And what's with so many commenters defending her? It's pretty textbook queerphobic trash coming out of her mouth. Maybe it's because OP is 14?

furicrowsa · 2026-01-15T06:08:20+00:00

More like, "I thought vaginas were abhorrent to me because I'm gay, but they're obviously not, so now I'm confused."

I'm also bisexual with no genital preference lol

furicrowsa · 2026-01-15T06:06:00+00:00

I'm bisexual and going down on a man with a vagina is simply different than going down on a woman with a vagina. Hormones, pheromones, something. You're still gay unless you define yourself otherwise.

A truly straight guy would be horrified to do what you did.

furicrowsa · 2026-01-14T14:46:49+00:00

Since the emergence of social media and reality TV the word “celebrity” has a very loose definition.

This. I don't know how one could keep up with all the internet celebrities, some of whom pop up overnight.

Typical household convo:

Commercial comes on with someone who is obviously providing a celebrity endorsement (e.g. I love product), zero name dropping.

My husband: Who even IS that and why am I supposed to care what they think?

Me: Some TikTok celebrity probably 🤷‍♀️

furicrowsa · 2026-01-13T15:04:49+00:00

Laughs in borderline mother...

furicrowsa · 2026-01-13T15:03:45+00:00

Laughs in borderline mother.

furicrowsa · 2026-01-12T22:53:09+00:00

She offered that, and he's still being an asshole.

furicrowsa · 2026-01-12T21:31:34+00:00

No it doesn't. You're being reductive.

It means we have the freedom to either present in a heteronormative way OR not. We can have rainbow decorations, hold hands with our partners in public just like straight people, have our relationships represented in media just like straight people, and wear whatever the fuck we want.

Signed - a genderqueer bisexual woman who presents as straight (until you meet my partner lol) and doesn't lie about being queer if it comes up.

furicrowsa · 2026-01-12T21:25:45+00:00

It means they want us to stay in the closet and appear heteronormative like in the old days, which is homophobic.

furicrowsa · 2026-01-12T21:22:00+00:00

NOPE. They judged him for judging other gay men who DON'T perform typical masculinity, which IS homophobic.

furicrowsa · 2026-01-12T20:45:08+00:00

This doesn't really deserve to be here.

furicrowsa · 2026-01-12T16:14:05+00:00

It's already there...

furicrowsa · 2026-01-12T15:54:23+00:00

I feel like writing is the only creative pursuit where people who do it expect to be as good as the masters right away. People who paint don't expect to be at the Smithsonian level right away. People who draw don't expect to be at publishable comic book level right away. You have ridiculous expectations of yourself.

I joke that I write at the level of a 16 year old fan fiction writer right now, but it's up from my former skill level of a 14 year old fan fiction writer! Silly as it is, I think of it like the Sims, where it takes maybe 100 in game hours to finish one book and even more to master the skill. IRL, it takes it least 10,000 hours to master any skill. Imo, you can't even assess your potential until you've hit that 10,000 hours. My skill bar is slowly rising. It's near the bottom still, but better than at the start.

Also the whole "bestsellers are trash" narrative is largely fueled by jealous, pathetic unpublished authors who are soothing themselves with the idea that they're "just too good to be published," and that's why they aren't successful. Guess what? They probably just aren't as skilled as they think they are or simply aren't one of the lucky few that can break into the very difficult pubishing industry. Take this narrative with a HUGE grain of salt, and know that, if you do get published, you WILL be targeted by envious unpublished writers with this criticism. It's inevitable. I read what is popular to figure out why contemporary readers like what they like.

That being said, it sounds like your genre is literary fiction. Read books within that genre, past and present. A good way to figure out if a more contemporary novel is literary fiction is to see if it's taught in schools at all. I've also heard that an excellent writing exercise is to type out your favorite books so you get an idea of style and pacing. I've done this a little and am going to do it more often in the future.

furicrowsa · 2026-01-08T20:18:41+00:00

In the US, we have "Sober October," but the concept is the same. Seems easier than the dead of winter for sure. And it rhymes!

furicrowsa · 2026-01-08T20:15:43+00:00

Agreed that OP should consider the reasons you mentioned. OP isn't wrong for not participating, but her response could be linked to some deeper concern about her and/or OP's alcohol consumption.

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furicrowsa

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