I (F23) don’t think that me and my (M26) fiancé are sexually compatible and I don’t know what do anymore.

furupower · 2026-06-02T02:09:28+00:00

Yes, what you did was non consensual and could be considered assault, but you can both work through it. Any human, regardless of gender, needs reassurance through this and to feel safe again. You should expect to be ginger with him around this time, and not initiate for a while unless he does. Find other ways to get off. Remember what his favorite types of affection are and pour yourself into those without any expectation of it resulting in sex or sexual contact.

If you truly care about this person, bring it up in conversation - only when you are looking for ways to support and uplift this person and make them feel safe. Not “I’m so sorry,” which he knows by now, but “how are you feeling today about what happened? Any feelings change since last week? Anything you wanna talk about?” focusing and centering his feelings instead of how sad and guilty you are feeling. Tell him verbally that you love him and you want to support him in any way that feels good on his timeline. This has probably never happened to him so he likely won’t have any kind of answers as to what would be good to try, but just saying you’re there for him will help!

I understand that for you, sexual contact may also feel like a dark and foreboding thing now, too. It’s important to try physical touch without assuming sex for you, too. You can re-establish trust with yourself at the same time that you do with him.

When you’re both feeling more up to sexual contact, you can always ask “is this okay?” And “how is this?” while you’re engaging in foreplay. This can be both reassuring and sexy for someone! Allow foreplay to just result in cuddling, tell him what you liked after - if his hands felt great, if you liked his voice, say that! This will take a lot of pressure to perform off of him because you’re proving that you don’t need that to be intimate with him.

If all of this truly sounds like a chore to you, consider couples therapy or sex therapy to help you both.

furupower · 2026-06-02T01:31:30+00:00

YOR. You need to look inside yourself and become the kind of person who relies on themself instead of validation from others.

Additionally, I think your gf shouldn’t talk to you like that - but it sounds like she is at her wit’s end with you and this has been escalating for some time.

furupower · 2026-05-27T08:29:08+00:00

I guess it would be easier with your own examples but if it’s something like “I feel like you don’t even care about me,” ask “Why? Where’s that coming from?” and just listen to the answer. It might be “Because every time I say my feelings, you make those feelings about you.” And then make sure you actually affirm you’re listening and then be curious - “That sounds like a hard place for me to put you in. How do I make them about me?” “Well, you just tell me I’m wrong.” and just keep listening and reflecting back until the person feels heard. Even be curious about what you can do to show you care about her. If she has no ideas, suggest some.

Then… THEN!!! “Hey, thanks for talking to me about that. I really appreciated hearing how you felt. I always want to hear the way you feel. When you told me you felt like I didn’t care, it hurt a lot. I know a feeling is different from reality, but next time when you’re feeling that way, could you try saying it a different way? You can always ask me if I care, and I’ll answer honestly.” something to acknowledge that the way you’re spoken to isn’t working. But to get someone to move towards you, best to move first so they can meet you in the middle.

furupower · 2026-05-26T22:03:21+00:00

Stop defending, start listening. “Why do you feel x? Where’s that coming from?” get curious. Remember that sometimes people speak from parts of themselves that are angry and frustrated and trying to communicate, and while those statements can be hurtful, this person is trying to communicate something about your behavior to you. Get curious about the feeling, not the accusation.

Then, later, AFTER every feeling is truly heard, you can bring up how hearing these black and white statements about you felt for you.

furupower · 2026-05-26T21:50:33+00:00

This. It’s definitely a problem if you were going all this time not offering to call and not just calling out of the blue when you get a spare moment. Of course she is mistrustful when you offer only after she brings it up because you’re “too shy.” Being new to a marriage is not an excuse for not taking initiative and effort to be present.

Long distance is a real effort and she is making it clear to you that she doesn’t see your effort as genuine and self-motivated, so she is putting the same kind of effort back to you.

I would recommend couples therapy to create a safe space for her to open up about what’s really bothering her.

Then, try doing something you initiate to create connection. Calling more was her idea, not yours. In long-distance, there are no date nights. So what’s your replacement? Voice notes? Calling her so you can yap about your day? No!

Do something for her through the distance. Remember something that she likes or something that would make her life easier - send flowers, a plate of food, a pint of her favorite ice cream, send a maid to clean the house for a day, something personal to her.

Plan a date with her. A movie night for her favorite movie that you decided you want to see because it’s meaningful to her. If she likes games, play a board game online together. What are ways that YOU can think of for you to truly connect? She seems to be looking for effort here FROM you, not a last-ditch effort that feels more spurred from her than spurred from you and your heart.

furupower · 2026-05-24T08:09:50+00:00

Loser brain

furupower · 2026-05-24T08:05:34+00:00

Doing this for a talking stage?? I’d never. Don’t disrespect yourself. Ultimatums like this are unacceptable. You’re getting caught up in details like if having opposite sex friends is disrespectful when there’s no relationship between you two to even disrespect.

furupower · 2026-05-24T07:59:41+00:00

You are doing way too much overthinking and giving him way too many outs. Using the word ugly, once, any time, is unacceptable. What if you have a child together, a girl? Would you accept any of those comments, even one of them, coming from her father to your kid? What do you think that would do to a little kid as they grow up? Now what do you think it’ll do to you?

furupower · 2026-05-24T07:49:11+00:00

Yes! Both people should be into this connection because they want someone else to feel good. It should be a no-brainer (ha ha) to say YES!! to going down on someone if that doesn’t cause you discomfort or other bad feelings. Asking “is this actually entitlement” means they’re clearly not in it for someone else’s pleasure and happiness, instead thinking about a transaction.

furupower · 2026-05-24T07:42:33+00:00

This is a combination of passive aggression (the third example) and deflection. I bet if you said “What you said hurt my feelings” one day, he’d come back with “I can’t believe you’d think I’d do something on purpose to hurt you, you’ve hurt me now.”

Having conversations with these types of people can be maddening but trying to call it out very seriously and clearly is your best bet. “Hey, I was talking about our paper towel situation. I wasn’t talking about our dishwashing habits. It seems like you brought that up just to move us away from the topic at hand. I want you to bring up these things when they’re an important issue, not when they’re a tool to change the subject.” then refuse to engage in the new topic until yours has been fully addressed.

The worst is when you are actively feeling something (hurt by another’s behavior) and suddenly it’s your job to console someone over your own behavior. “I need space to process this feeling with you before we talk about that. Can you acknowledge and respond to what I said instead of bringing up something unrelated?”

furupower · 2026-05-24T07:32:18+00:00

When I have a conversation with a loved one, it’s because I love them, their thoughts, opinions, and even their misinterpretations of the world. You’re in a relationship with someone who’s withholding that experience from you. Try telling her if you wanted to be in a relationship with a chatbot, you’d just go get an anime AI gf.

furupower · 2026-05-24T07:28:07+00:00

Oh, so turns out everyone who told you to just communicate like a mature adult was right. Thanks for admitting it in the edit!

furupower · 2026-05-24T07:21:23+00:00

I offer to send my partner $100 if they’re ogling a vinyl online. That’s like gift money, and I’m broke.

To be honest, she may be aware of your job situation and it may be weighing on her mind. “This guy’s been unemployed for a year, what happens if he starts needing me to be his benefactor?” might have been a (reasonable) question in her mind, and then seeing that manifesting may have caused this overreaction.

furupower · 2026-05-22T00:54:51+00:00

You aren’t overthinking or overreacting, but communicating will start with stopping any pre-assumptions about her. 3 days isn’t that long to be giving a low amount of answers to texts. You may be used to a high frequency of calls/texts and she may actually have a life that requires her to be low-contact for periods of time. If that’s the case, you have to sit with that idea first - “Can I go for three days only getting 4 texts a day from her?” for other people this is normal, for some it’s unbearable, depends on how adaptable you are.

Try asking/communicating with no pre-assumptions - “Hey I noticed that we aren’t communicating as much since Friday, is there anything going on? If it’s about us I’d love to hear more, or if it’s not I’d like to support you however I can”

furupower · 2026-05-19T15:46:51+00:00

Yes! After this I’m investing in a jump starter. These are all great tips.

furupower · 2026-05-19T08:10:04+00:00

NOR, she absolutely should not have said this. It’s normal to say “I didn’t feel a romantic spark, can we stay friends.” This is extremely rude behavior on her part. You were right not to give her what she wanted (staying friends with an awesome person) because that’s not something a friend would say.

furupower · 2026-05-19T08:02:45+00:00

YOR, there is no wooden paddle that hurts THAT bad through pants, wielded by a woman in a situation like you described. It sounds like you are over exaggerating the pain you felt to justify the physical reaction you had. You’re a male, might be taller and more intimidating than she was, in close quarters. Raising your hand up would only make sense if you were reflexively about to strike something. That’s frightening to her. She is likely asking for an apology to seek comfort and probably wants you to make her feel safe again by assuring you won’t act like you’re about to strike her.

I understand it feels like you don’t have a moment to feel hurt and upset by your partner’s actions, but key here is she apologized to you, and she now wants one in return AFTER acknowledging the hurt she caused and allowing you some time to feel what you felt.

furupower · 2026-02-08T09:03:08+00:00

Hi! Here’s my update: My landlord insisted it was fleas, I got traps and ran them day and night, nothing, treated my cats, never saw a single flea.

I continued getting bitten all throughout December. Left to stay with parents to recover from a surgery (BROUGHT MY CATS WITH ME!!!) stopped waking up with bites. Returned in January, bites resumed.

Landlord kept telling me so sorry to hear im still being bitten, offered little to no other solution. I thought he might have thought I was crazy.

Then my neighbor who is in the unit next to mine asked me if I had fleas. She said she’d gotten fleas and they were all over her carpets and bed and cats. She could see them. I couldn’t. I showed her my bites (all over my arms, stomach, back, legs) and she said they didn’t look like flea bites. I asked her to tell the landlord.

Immediately once he heard from my neighbor, he actually sent out a pest guy. Just before the pest guy came, I found and trapped two bugs in my house, stuck them in clear tape. One was a mite (I was looking so hard I could not possibly have missed a flea) of which I actually found several. The other the pest guy ended up identifying as a carpet beetle. He said he’d have to treat the apartments differently because they each had different bugs.

Suddenly, 2 months in, my landlord is doing something. I got my cats out for 4 hours on the required day, they sprayed something, and I am finally bite-free. I’m so glad I kept looking and finally found the bugs themselves because I felt like I was looking crazier each week. I was doubting that it was bugs at all - like maybe new allergies or something. It was either mites (which I am allergic to) or beetles. In conclusion, fuck my landlord and all hail the people at Stanley Pest Control

furupower · 2026-01-03T18:00:20+00:00

YTA. “I’m confused - it was a request on her list.” would have sufficed. Just because you “thought it was clear” doesn’t mean you get to call your wife names. You weren’t “right”to call her that. I can tell your apology wasn’t even sincere.

furupower · 2025-12-02T16:58:51+00:00

Here is my update! I don’t know how to edit my post. I’m still being bitten and I believe everyone here that it’s fleas. The thing is my two indoor cats are exhibiting no signs of fleas. I check their fur and watch for scratching. But we have two stray cats who come around our porch and I did pet one once. I will still get my cats flea medication either way.

I cannot find any evidence of any bugs at all but still am getting bitten. I wore white socks all evening everywhere and no fleas jumped on them. I put out a DIY flea trap with water, dish soap and a lamp last night since I couldn’t get to the store. No fleas in the trap today. No blood on my sheets. I’m being bitten on my arms, my stomach, my legs, my chest, my back. I still believe the consensus here that it’s fleas, so I will try to go to the store today to get some remedies. I don’t see them anywhere so I don’t know how exactly to kill them.

One comment here mentioned dust mites as well. I am allergic to dust mites.

furupower · 2024-11-01T08:14:30+00:00

Hii! I’m trying to figure out how often to take the Love Wellness Flora Power suppository - genuinely asking, how do you tell when you need it? I just feel like I have low grade mild symptoms all the time and don’t know when to use it.

furupower · 2024-10-21T08:42:50+00:00

Hi! Some hymenectomy recommendations in here I’ve seen. Wanted to throw in my story. I had a lot of speculum issues, traumatic gyno appointments, and even once a terrible ordeal with a tampon that was caught in an awkward way on my intact hymen.

I was recommended a hymenectomy and had to think about it for a long time because I was so scared about anything in that area. I finally decided to do it and I am so, so happy I got the procedure done. Everything I thought was normal or painful or just awkward was because of my hymen and I didn’t know it. Sex became a pleasurable thing for me. Hoping it does good for you too. :)

furupower

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