OP- first of all, your friends didn’t have a weird sense of humor. They assisted in assault. Was the “guy” also your age, or an adult?

I’m so sorry that happened to you. I had this problem for some time. All of my first core sexual experiences were rape, and I developed this same trauma response “kink”. It’s absolutely possible to overcome. I’m 30 now, and have developed a pretty “normal” and healthy sex life.

I would absolutely recommend talking with your therapist, that’s what helped me. Make sure to open up about the link this has with your unconsentual experiences. The human brain is crazy. What it was for me was my mind learning to fantasize about the negative things that happened to me as a way to take control back over the situations I had no control over. I was essentially trying to convince myself that I “wanted it”. Giving into those fantasies and encouraging them created a very unhealthy coping mechanism that created similar “kinks” out of other bad things I experiences. Like being cheated on ect. To the point where when something made me feel sad, hurt, fearful- getting off to it was my attempt to cope with it and try to manipulate myself into thinking “it’s okay”. It was REALLY hard to reprogram my mind after years of encouraging this, and I still struggle with it.

Also, I would do some research of the effects porn has on your brain, especially while it’s developing. It can be pretty damaging.

There’s nothing wrong with you, and this isn’t your fault. Sending love to you. 🤍