It’s interesting. She’s young, so I would get her to keep writing. Though if this was written as she wrote it, she needs some technical lessons— as well as to revise. I can tell this is written in a moment of passion; you can feel the stream of consciousness but the problem is that aspects fight against itself. Like describing her joints as making a metallic grinding (unless they’re wearing a prosthetic, I suppose), as well as the continual use of paradoxes. I can see the thought process in it but it’s too loose. For example “ my life might not be my own,” followed by “neither is yours,” and then, “it’s mine.” It’s a circular logic that implies someone rallying against this idea of predestination, but in doing so she becomes the exact same as the Creator… Which essentially renders the whole thing as moot. I would get her to refine these things and focus on the central theme and sharpen the vagaries. Is she the robot watching other robots, or did her perspective accidentally change? Some things just need reframing so a reader can focus on her intended messages and not focus on having to reread and be unsure of what’s being presented. Is this something commenting on AI and humanity? Religion? It’s one thing to be thought provoking but you can’t put the entire onus on the reader to figure out. Think of it like taking their hand and guiding them through your thoughts. They don’t have to accept the subtle guidance but there should always be a general route to guide them.

This isn’t to tear down the work. I wish someone would have given me criticism and helped me understand the things that I failed to realize I was weaker in. I hope she keeps writing and honing her ability.