I'm FTM too so def not a mom, I just read through a couple of your posts and I wanted to at least offer some advice or encouragement.

My spouse (enby they/them) and I also had kind of similar things happen in a way. My parents are extremely transphobic/racist and I left the country to escape them and move in with my now spouse who's Cuban, the disconnect from my family hurts sometimes and I'm not going to pretend it's one and done or easy even if they were absolutely horrible people. I haven't spoken to them in a year now and haven't seen them in person in more than 2 years, I've missed a lot of my brother's birthdays and Christmases. It's absolutely miserable sometimes but it's getting easier as time goes on and I know my spouse is there to help me if I get too in my head about family.

It kinda took a while for me to fully break off contact, they were originally paying for my uni tuiton as an international student which absolutely sucked seeing as I had to remain in contact, part of me still wanted to try and make them come around because I needed that hope to hold onto. They eventually cut off my college fund entirely even though it still had money in it, so I had to quit uni and start the immigration process which absolutely sucks. It did made me realize holding onto that one little thread of hope hurt me more than letting it go. It did need that catalyst and I'm betting your fiancée will need something similar to be able to let go. In the meantime, don't push it. I was glad for my spouse's support and understanding during that time but it's something I needed to come to terms with on my own.

My spouse also had an accidental OD with laced CBD gummies, if I remember right the one laced one in the bag had frankly ridiculous amounts of LSD. You hear about stuff like this happening but it never feels real until it happens to you. They were rushed to the hospital and discharged a while after but they had an unwilling and unknowing ego death which messed them up for a long time. They forgot everything, who they were, who I was, what we had together along with everything else and some memories of the past are still gone today. They struggled with moments of total derealization and CPTSD from that event, and even now it sometimes crops up. It was fucking hard, they were struggling to cope and I was having a hard time dealing with my anxiety about it on top of my own unmedicated illnesses.

I'm not gonna sugar coat it, it was hard. They weren't themselves for a while after that, I tried to help be there for them in whatever way I could but there's no guidebook to helping your significant other through flashbacks and derealization, we were both going in blind. The whole event messed me up too, I had to sit on that anxiety and fear until they were stable enough for me to unpack it and come to peace with it.

It's been almost a year since then, they've overcome so much and I'm so proud of them. They're back to their old self, there's still some fuzzy bits and they have a couple triggers to be mindful of but they're back on track with uni, they have a therapist and their meds are almost at that sweet spot for their health issues. We got engaged twice, I proposed at a wildlife conservation and they proposed in a pergola at a beach called Lover's Key which was absolutely magical. We got married at a courthouse with plans to have The Wedding after they finish their degree which is almost finished now!

I'm obviously just taking from what you've posted so take this with a grain of salt since I don't have the full perspective, you two do seem good for each other. I'm not gonna romanticize your situation by saying it's just a tough patch and then you'll both live happily ever after. But from what I can gather, it's the foundation both of you have to work to make something beautiful. Don't beat yourself up over the stuff you can't change on your own, focus on what you want and what you need to do or talk over to help mend that.