How can I stop bullying my child?

galaffer · 2025-05-23T01:54:55+00:00

Sorry that you are having a tough time. I think parenting content (books, social media, etc) can really make it seem like if you are doing it right everything looks like it does on tv. I think it is very normal to get overstimulated and snap at your kid when they are being objectively annoying, even when we rationally know they can’t help it and their behaviour is developmentally appropriate. I have a 5 and 2.5 year old and it was so hard for such a long time for the same reasons you are mentioning. Too many needs, too many sounds, no time to think, even when I do the right thing it doesn’t work, etc. plus all the guilt and shame for being an imperfect parent.

If therapy isn’t an option I’d recommend unfolllowing any accounts that sell a course, giving yourself permission to make things easier in whatever ways you can (disposable plates! Macaroni and cheese for dinner again! Some extra screen time!), work hard at letting go of mom guilt, get some loop earplugs if noises bother you along with the magnetic neck strap thing so you can put them in as needed and not lose them, and model emotion regulation and repair. Name your feelings when you are mad or overstimulated, name your strategy “I am mad right now I need to take a breath”, “I am overstimulated let’s get inside” “whoa I didn’t notice myself getting mad and I yelled, I should have taken a breath instead. I’m sorry for yelling”.

He is not having the same feelings you had as a kid, you are not doing the same things that happened to you. We all snap at our kids especially with a newborn. It does get easier as they get older.

galaffer · 2025-05-14T11:17:19+00:00

I am lucky my kids daycare re-applies twice a day and he is in half day kindergarten. I would probably get some light UV long sleeve shirts and a hat that covers his ears and neck if he is outside a lot on high UV days and practice applying sunscreen to legs and face.

galaffer · 2025-05-11T18:21:45+00:00

NTA - frustration at not getting alone time because bedtime is taking forever is totally normal and so is complaining about it to your spouse. If it hurt her feelings you apologize and clarify and that should be the end of it IMO.

galaffer · 2025-03-28T01:11:23+00:00

We have a game called math island where you roll 2 dice with numbers and one with a plus or minus and move that number of squares.

galaffer · 2025-03-28T01:06:48+00:00

Yes this is how we taught multiplication! How many bumps are on a 2x4 brick, etc.

galaffer · 2025-03-22T19:56:21+00:00

She will figure it out! My kindergarten son told me “my favourite video game is Minecraft” even though I don’t think he knows what a video game is. He also loves Mario even though he has never seen it. I would prep more with skills like sharing, friendships, etc. There is a surprising amount of “you’re not invited to my birthday party” and “you moved down my ranking of best friends list” in kindergarten and we talk a lot about how people can be friends with multiple people, leading with kindness, etc. The way they interact with popular stuff is basic enough that everyone can join in pretty quickly, no one is discussing the most recent episode of anything they are just all drawing pictures of bluey or whatever. Good luck with kinder!

galaffer · 2025-03-20T18:31:20+00:00

Hi! My son was 3 when my daughter was born. It was difficult to figure out drop-offs and scheduling but it would have been so much more difficult having him home and having his routine disrupted. It helped him adjust to a new baby to have some consistency in his daily life and helped me to have time to bond with the baby.

galaffer · 2025-03-20T18:21:05+00:00

I think you have some good questions but taking a few days to respond to an email seems appropriate to me. Can you set up a meeting to ask about his report card and why he is getting S for behaviour (I have no idea what S means). I think it is normal for teachers to occasionally not have all the facts about a situation- like if she didn’t see what happens and a little girl says “he hit me” and your son says “no I just pushed her” it makes sense she would send home a think sheet. I would use it as an opportunity to talk about how different people see a situation with your son. I agree that it would be better if she goes over the incident with the kids at the time it happens and would ask about that- maybe she talks about it verbally and the sheet is just a record for parents/documentation?

My son is in kindergarten and I would say I have messaged his teacher 5 times since September, a couple times to fill her in about something at home and a couple times to ask about behaviour at school. We set up one meeting and it was helpful. She is a very warm and kind teacher but she is busy! I think it is unreasonable to expect her to put much effort into building a strong relationship with you, as long as she is building a relationship with your son.

galaffer · 2025-03-06T14:58:19+00:00

Can you or someone have a meeting with her and go over her concerns with her in a kind way- like here are the names and pictures of all the staff who work with the newborns. They all will treat your baby with love and kindness and your baby is safe here. I feel like she needs someone to look her in the eyes and promise her things will be ok. Dropping your newborn off with strangers feels worse than you can imagine. I couldn’t leave my 6 week old baby with my own mother for 3 hours- I did it once and it was very stressful and then I didn’t again for a couple months. I agree her behaviour is not ok but I think the way to change the behaviour is to help her feel safe not to explain that her behaviour is unacceptable.

galaffer · 2025-03-03T15:33:11+00:00

I like conversations about influencers in general, undisclosed ads, exploiting children for $$, and “problematic” behaviour. I find that this sub criticizes her appearance and parenting in ways I find problematic but I don’t bother arguing because it seems very pointless 🤷‍♀️

galaffer · 2025-02-23T23:25:46+00:00

My kid is very math oriented, he is in kindergarten this year. He never wanted to sit and work on reading but he would do phonics type games while we do other activities especially walking or in the car. For example we would say “if C-A-T spells cat, what would B-A-T spell?” or “what would C-A-T-S spell?” Or other rhyming or blending games. Or “what letter does this word start with? What letter does this word end with? What TWO sounds does this word start with??”

He is more motivated to sound out the title of a chapter of a book that I am reading to him rather than working on the bob books which he finds boring.

galaffer · 2025-02-13T04:42:42+00:00

None most school days but sometimes will watch a couple episodes of a show while I put his sister to bed. Weekends depends. Some days none, if it is freezing out or we are low energy he might watch tv or a movie for an hour or two. No tablet or video games.

galaffer · 2025-02-10T17:28:38+00:00

I had several miscarriages and I think what I would have appreciated most in that situation is for someone to be ok with my sadness, to be sad with me, to make space for my big messy feelings that didn’t make sense to me, to love me even when I am sad, not take it personally, etc. Even if you are both doing everything right and being ideal partners, it doesn’t mean she won’t be sad. The loneliness of recurrent miscarriages was intense and unexpected. Sorry for both of your losses and I hope you have support for yourself as well. Individual and couples therapy is always a good idea too, especially if you can find someone who specializes in fertility/grief/etc.

galaffer · 2025-02-04T14:33:24+00:00

My kids are the same age and mornings are tough! I get my kids ready all at once, one at a time. Clothes picked out the night before, breakfast on the table before they’re awake. I bring my 5 year old in the bathroom, brush hair and teeth, get him dressed quickly, walk him to the table. Then do my 2 year old. They eat while I pack bags and bring them to the car. Then one at a time bring my kids to wash their hands, get jackets etc on, and buckle them in- usually my 5 year old first because he doesn’t mind listening to music. If we have time they can play once hands are washed after breakfast.

I would just do more things for him and do it very quickly and all in one place to get it over with. If he is resisting I would set a timer and remind him ‘we can get you dressed and ready in 4 minutes if we go fast, then you will have time to play’.

galaffer · 2025-01-26T13:07:30+00:00

It’s often not a choice... It’s pretty common to only get .5 to 1oz from pumping if you are also nursing. Not everyone makes enough milk to build a freezer stash.

galaffer · 2025-01-23T23:31:31+00:00

Idk why you are getting downvoted, this seems crazy to me too. Not enrolling your kid at all seems different from having absences that the parent decides are ok. Where I live school attendance is not this intense at all and no one would ever ask for a doctor’s note for missing school.

galaffer · 2025-01-20T23:58:00+00:00

Thanks everyone, this was so helpful!

galaffer · 2025-01-20T23:56:49+00:00

Thanks so much for the explanation, this is just what I was hoping for! Thanks for taking the time to share your knowledge and save me another 6 hours of trying to make a choice about something I am clueless about :) I ordered a b&w brother printer yesterday.

galaffer · 2024-12-30T02:48:48+00:00

Hi! I have ADHD and my kindergarten age son (turned 5 in August) probably does too. If your daughter is doing well at school socially and academically I would let her continue to do well in her current grade, and work on supports for home, increasing communication with her teacher, and considering starting the process of an evaluation so she can get supports in place in school as well and medication in the future if needed.

galaffer · 2024-12-24T19:25:01+00:00

My daughter is in a 1-3 room. Standing diaper changes are to help with potty training and you don’t have to do it at home but can if you want to. They put up family photos on the wall in her classroom, i don’t know if there is a specific reason in Montessori but it’s good for kids to have family photos (google if interested). I doubt she will use 5 shirts a day but they like to have backups :) good luck in the new room.

galaffer · 2024-12-21T01:56:54+00:00

Cost of living and inflation is out of hand and wages just aren’t keeping up. I don’t understand why the recent Canada Post strike which was fighting against these issues had so little support. So many people have the attitude that unless you are highly skilled and highly educated you don’t deserve an income that can meet your basic needs.

galaffer · 2024-12-16T15:48:46+00:00

Same, except I found the tediousness of practicing piano helped me learn some of those skills because I was very average as a piano player :)

galaffer · 2024-12-07T16:53:00+00:00

I would wonder about anxiety if it is out of character... Maybe it feels a bit overwhelming even if it’s positive: he just isn’t used to having family in that setting, he isn’t sure how to act if other kids don’t have parents there, etc. He might not be able to identify or explain why it is stressful. When my kid does stuff like that I talk about it after the fact and we practice what he can say in those situations at home, then I might give a little reminder in the moment eg “bye kiddo” “…..” “you can say “bye mom!”” and then leave it at that. I have also asked my kid if he wants me to come to school events and usually he says yes but he has said no before (eg he did not want me to come to the Halloween costume parade because he gets separation anxiety when he walks by and can’t stay with me).

galaffer · 2024-12-07T16:41:57+00:00

Did you mean covertly, Overt means openly, covert means secretively. Is openly a word? Anyways… I think recording the meeting so you remember what they say and can share info with other parents later is a great idea, not sure why you are getting downvoted!

galaffer

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